THE ESSENTIALS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

1. THE ESSENTIALS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

2. Who Taught You Relationship Essentials? • Parents • Significant Others • Peers • Media

3. The Number One Dynamic of Attraction • Initial attraction is based upon physical and personality characteristics • The primary attraction for long term relationships is comfort based upon familiarity • The one thing you wanted most to change in one of your parents • Stanford Study

4. What is Compatibility Really Based On? • Family rules • Personality dynamics • Interests • Values-ultimately the most important determinant • Mirroring • Rejection

5. Where Do We Get Our Dynamics • Your initial relationship program is based upon your parental one • Raising awareness of family of origin dynamics and rules • Developing a new model based on healthier dynamics • Dealing with discomfort and finding new familiarity

6. The Two Basic Requirements of a Healthy Relationship • Respect • Assertiveness

7. A Five Dimensional Model of Healthy Relationships • Investment • Communication • Power • Trust • Forgiveness

8. Investment • Doing everything you can possibly do to enhance your partner’s self-esteem and life experience • Caring Days

9. Communication • Develop rules for your process of problem solving • Make it a priority to set down regularly to discuss issues and plans • Give your relationship time • Respect, respect, and more respect • Timeouts • Reflective listening • Mehabrian’s Study • The Three don’ts

10. TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CLEAN COMMUNICATION • Avoid judgmental words and loaded terms • Avoid global labels • Avoid “you” messages of blame and accusation • Avoid old history • Avoid negative comparisons

11. TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CLEAN COMMUNICATION (cont) • Avoid threats • Describe your feelings rather than attack with them • Keep your body language open and receptive • Use whole messages • Use clear messages

12. Power • The shift from taking care of oneself to taking care of the relationship • The balance of power that serves the relationship best • Power can be based upon personal strengths and differences in personality • Area that tends to reflect greatest abuses

13. Trust • The Barometer of the Relationship • There is no gain with mistrust in a relationship

14. Forgiveness • Essential for all relationships • Process of letting go of baggage • Follows cognitive restructuring model

15. Boundaries • Boundaries exist whether or not you are aware of them • Most problems occur in relationships because boundaries are unclear • A boundary only works when both parties are clear about it • Communicating boundaries clearly is essential for a relationship to be healthy

16. Examples of Boundaries • Group leaders will not interact with participants in ways that promote disruption • Group leaders will not model inappropriate behavior • Group leaders will rely on each other and consult with leaders when questions arise • Individuals will act in ways that reflect respect for others • Individuals will treat themselves and others as they would a best friend

17. Parting Wish • May all of your relationships focus upon making every moment of your life as rich as it can be through your friendships, families, and intimacies. • With that special someone who will be in your life, may you smile at them with the same intensity and desire at 80 as you do in the best of times in the formation of your relationship.