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One (unfinished) essay: a case history Obstacles and improvements

One (unfinished) essay: a case history Obstacles and improvements. Research identifying conflicts between different UN sustainable development goals. Positive or negative interactions between the 13 goals. More research on one obvious conflict: more food and better environment.

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One (unfinished) essay: a case history Obstacles and improvements

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  1. One (unfinished) essay: a case history Obstacles and improvements

  2. Research identifying conflicts between different UN sustainable development goals

  3. Positive or negative interactions between the 13 goals

  4. More research on one obvious conflict: more food and better environment

  5. An unavoidable conflict between more civilisation and stable climate?

  6. My aim: bring these three threads together into one argument

  7. First Draft

  8. Recognition of Obstacle I: My initial vision was impossible The scope was way too large Solution: start over!!

  9. First Edit

  10. less ink = getting somewhere Fourth Edit

  11. Fifth Draft

  12. Some problems: - Lacks detail (of course) - Sloppy and wastes words (of course) - Disorganised: not one idea per paragraph (of course) BUT THERE ARE WORSE PROBLEMS!!!

  13. Fifth Draft Takes too long to state main point

  14. Recognition of Obstacle II: First three paragraphs need reducing to two Solution: Re-organize and strip out unnecessary material

  15. Fifth Draft WHAT'S WRONG??

  16. Fifth Draft Obstacle 1: example of progress

  17. First sentence of second paragraph belongs in the first paragraph: It's on the topic of good progress on the SDGs

  18. Fifth Draft Example of “obvious” conflicts not necessary here

  19. The fact that there are “obvious” conflicts steers me away from getting to the main point: that this research is showing how to avoid the worst conflicts “obvious conflicts” needs to be background material coming after making the main point

  20. Sixth Draft Better – but second paragraph wastes many words and needs shortening

  21. This sentence does nothing

  22. Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement (a discovery!)

  23. Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement (a discovery!)

  24. Using better words – “regress” rather than “moving away”, and mentioning the new study, which I had removed in earlier edit.

  25. Current Draft Discovery: “obvious” conflicts come later

  26. There are still more obstacles!!

  27. Current Draft Poor topic sentence: I still have a problem!!!!!

  28. More problems too!! I still have weak spots in the argument!!!!!

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