Retreat Booklet

MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER Retreat Booklet Fri, Oct. 8 – Sat, Oct. 9, 2009

Budget • Conference room………..$250 • Accessories…………….....$63 • Food……………………....$43 • Printed Material…………..$35 • T-Shirts…………………..$170 • $561

Welcome • Congratulations! • You made it here tonight. We thank you for fighting thru the obstacles and situations that could have kept you home. The greatest part of a long journey is the first step. I know you have made many first steps, but making a decision to improve your marital relationship is a awesome step. • The next 24 hours will set the stage for the years to come, so I strongly encourage you to jump in with both feet. This is not a typical conference for the teachers to fix you, but a encounter for God to meet you and your spouse. God is the author of marriage, and God has the answers you have been looking for. We have been praying for God to give you a word for your marriage. • This event is designed to hit hard and fast because you already have what it takes to live abundantly. You will hear many concepts, so be still and listen. We encourage you to journal during this weekend because God is going to provide direction. Direction is critical in our lives, and who set the direction even more critical. You can set your course together by submitting to God and actively listening. • I pray that God blesses you richly in your relationship, and you receive understanding. • God Bless You • Rodney & Sharon Logan • Pastors ACTS Christian Center

Table of Contents • Schedule of Events • Marriage Encounter • Submission • Lifestyle of Submission • Difference between Surrender& Submission • Act, Pretend, &Imagine • Thoughts to Ponder • Don’t Miss the Yield Signs • Effectiveness Inventory • The “Great Rip Off” • Our Words Aren’t Good Enough

BQL Weekend Schedule of Events • Friday, Oct 9, 2009 • (7:00PM – 9:30PM) • SUBMISSION • Icebreaker (20 min) • Worship (20 min) • Session 1 (45 min) – Pastor Rodney • Activity (20 min) • Food & Fellowship • Saturday Oct 10, 2009 - MORNING • (8:00AM – 11:45AM) • COMMUNICATION • Breakfast (60 min) – Continental Style or Cracker Barrel • Small Group Discussion (15 min) • Worship (10 min) • Session 1 (40 min) - Pastor Sharon • Activity (15 min) • Break (10 min) • Session 2 (50 min) – Pastor Sharon • Activity (20 min): Short Video/Ministry Time • Lunch (~30 min)

Weekend Schedule of Events • Saturday October 10, 2009 - AFTERNOON • (1:00PM – 4:00PM) • Activity (30 min): Time Alone with God & Spouse • Small Group Discussion (15 min) • Worship (10 min) • Session 3 (50 min) - Pastor Rodney • Break (15 min) • Session 4 (30 min) – Pastor Rodney • Small Group Discussion (30 min)

Marriage Encounter • EVERYTHING said at an encounter, stays at the encounter. • There is power in the secret. • Freedom comes when you are honest and open. • We are going to be asking some things of you this weekend that you may not understand. We assure you that there is a purpose in everything we ask. • This weekend can change your life if you let it. God has things He wants to root out, and things He wants to put in, but you have to let Him. • This weekend purpose yourself to: Listen to God, Block out distractions, & Hear what He is saying to you. Discipline yourself to tune out the nonsense & focus your attention & affections on Him…Just like Mary did at Jesus’ feet. • This weekend you will encounter God, encounter yourself, and encounter others. Let Him do what He wants to do and make a decision not to leave in the same condition that you came.

Submission • Charles Swindoll tells of being married ten years before he became aware of the value of being grateful for the differences between his wife and himself. He was often irritated that she didn’t view things exactly as he did. She wasn’t argumentative, only expressive of her honest feelings. But he took this as a lack of submission and told her so. Time and time again they locked horns until finally God showed him from the Genesis 2:18-25 passage that his wife was different because God had made her different, and she was more valuable to him because of those differences. She was not designed to be his echo but to be his counterpart, a necessary and needed individual to help him become all God wanted him to be.

A Lifestyle of Submission • A popular slogan in recent years has been “peace through strength.” But James might change that to “peace through humility.” After all, wars and fights arise from “desires for pleasure” (James 4:1). Our cravings lead to friendship with the world and enmity toward God (James 4:2–4). Thus, peace in the world depends upon peace with God, and that requires humility (James 4:6). • The way to show humility before God is to submit to Him (James 4:7). In fact, the New Testament calls believers to a lifestyle of submission. The fact that Christ submits to His Father shows that submission need not carry a sense of inferiority. In fact, it shows that submission—in the ways that Scripture indicates—is a Christlike behavior, and worthy of honor (Phil. 2:1–11). • It’s worth mentioning that submission is only half the equation. For example, the church is called to submit to Christ, but Christ also has responsibilities toward the church: to love her, to give Himself up for her, to make her pure, to nourish and cherish her, to love her as He loves Himself (Eph. 5:25–33).

What is the difference between Surrender and Submission? • Webster’s dictionary says submission means to ‘yield to authority.’ Submission is a powerful, positive, and aggressive principle intended for every man and woman, whether single or married. It should begin in our single life and extend into marriage.” • Let’s define surrender. Webster’s dictionary says it means “to give oneself up into the power of another.” The fact is, the only one qualified to fill that position is God—first, because all power belongs to Him, and second, because He won’t abuse the power. The word surrender is a military term. It means a war is taking place, and someone wins and someone loses. Submission, on the other hand, is a win-win proposition.

Act, Pretend, and Imagine…. • How many times have the words act, pretend, and imagine haunted your thoughts? • Conventional wisdom encourages us to go along with whatever the spouse wants, not to “rock the boat,” and then everything will be just fine. • It doesn’t matter what you feel or thinks differently; all that is required is that you act, pretend, and imagine. • Remember those days when you acted out submission to your spouse.

Thought to Ponder • Submission and sacrifice are the virtues that marriage demands, and not surprisingly, they also prove to be the virtues that bring joy to sex. Our culture places far too much emphasis on technique, trying to turn lovemaking into some kind of scientific skill. But husbands and wives are called to do more than “have sex”; they are called to find joy in the sexual love that they share. When couples are not finding satisfaction, usually the problem is not sexual but relational, and therefore spiritual. Often there is a lot of blame-shifting, with husbands and wives criticizing one another for their shortcomings. What is the answer? • At the risk of oversimplifying, the answer is for husbands to love their wives in sacrificial ways. The husband’s spiritual leadership is fundamental for everything that happens in a marriage, including what happens in bed. Of course wives have an obligation to their husbands, including a sexual obligation. As mentioned earlier, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3). Interestingly, here is one place where the Bible teaches mutual submission: “For the wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor. 7:4). So husbands and wives must offer themselves to one another in what the Puritans called “the mutual communication of bodies.” This is their marital duty. But it will always be a chore if a wife is not cherished by her husband. The key to a happy marriage, sexually and otherwise, is, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25). • Ryken, Philip Graham: Written in Stone : The Ten Commandments and Today's Moral Crisis. Wheaton, Ill. : Crossway Books, 2003, S. 160

DON’T MISS THE YIELD SIGNS • REFLECTION • Describe a time when you wanted to be mad, but somehow laughter broke through instead. • Question 1 • For anyone with kids, this question shouldn’t be difficult to answer. Children have an incredible ability to disobey while being cute and funny at the same time! Take some time laughing about each other’s stories. • BIBLE READING • Read Ephesians 5:21–33 from the ncv or the nkjv.

DON’T MISS THE YIELD SIGNS • DISCOVERY • Explore the Bible reading by discussing these questions. • Question 2 • What makes it difficult to yield to someone else’s wants and needs instead of your own? • Question 3 • This passage compares the husband’s role in a marriage to Christ’s role as the head of the church. What responsibilities then does the husband have? • Question 4 • How can wives honor their husbands as the church honors Christ? • Question 5 • If your group contains both males and females, consider having the men answer this question first, before you give the women a chance to answer. (And you may want to require the women to answer before the men in question 5.) • In what ways can husbands give their lives for their wives as this passage says they should? • Question 6 • What is the relationship between love and respect in a marriage?

DON’T MISS THE YIELD SIGNS • INSPIRATION • The Inspirational Bible • You came home cranky because a deadline got moved up. She came home grumpy because the day-care forgot to give your five-year-old her throat medicine. Each of you was wanting a little sympathy from the other, but neither got any. So there you sit at the dinner table—cranky and grumpy—with little Emily. Emily folds her hands to pray (as she has been taught), and the two of you bow your heads (but not your hearts) and listen. From where this prayer comes, God only knows. • “God, it’s Emily. How are you? I’m fine, thank you. Mom and Dad are mad. I don’t know why. We’ve got birds and toys and mashed potatoes and each other. Maybe you can get them to stop being mad? Please do, or it’s just gonna be you and me having any fun tonight. Amen.” • The prayer is answered before it’s finished, you both look up in the middle and laugh at the end and shake your heads and say you’re sorry. And you both thank God for the little voice who reminded you about what matters. • That’s what “lovebursts” do … Lovebursts. Spontaneous affection. Tender moments of radiant love. Ignited devotion. Explosions of tenderness … They remind you about what matters. A telegram delivered to the back door of the familiar, telling you to treasure the treasure you’ve got while you’ve got it. A whisper from an angel, or someone who sounds like one, reminding you that what you have is greater than what you want and that what is urgent is not always what matters. • (From He Still Moves Stones by Max Lucado) • Question 7 • When both the husband and wife need the other’s sympathy or attention at the same time, how do both get their needs met?

DON’T MISS THE YIELD SIGNS • Question 8 • List some tactics that help a couple regain perspective when circumstances get tense? • Question 9 • Name some issues or circumstances that seem urgent but don’t really matter in the long run. • PRAYER • God, give us strength as we try to be more like Jesus in our homes. Keep the evil one away from us. Keep us close to you. Let our homes be testimonies of your love for us. When people look inside, let them see how you have loved the world. • JOURNALING • Take a few moments to record your personal insights from this lesson. • In what ways can I bend more this week to mend a relationship rather than get my own way? • ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS • What does it mean to “yield” to someone or something? • In what ways is the church like a bride? • In Revelation 21:1–5 you can find a description of the bride of Christ. • In what ways will respecting Christ help couples yield to each other? • For more Bible passages on loving marriages, see Colossians 3:18–19; Hebrews 13:4; 1 Peter 3:1–7; .

Time to Reflect • What are your expectations for this weekend? • What has your experience with God been like in the past? • What has your church experience been like? • What are you expecting God to do this weekend?

SubmissionSession Speaker: ___________________Session Notes: • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________

Time Alone with God & Your Spouse

Time to Reflect • Has this evening been an eye opening time for you? Explain. • Are you ready to share your story with someone? If the answer is no, then what holds you back? • Are you ready to put your past behind you and go forward? What does that mean to you?

Discussion as a Couple • How do you define communication? How does this definition relate to your marriage relationship? • How do your differences hinder communication with your spouse? How can you stop this? • How do you define listening? How is it important in communication? • How does non-verbal communication affect communication with your spouse? • How do you think communication can help you work together to solve problems?

Communication: “The Great Rip-Off”Session Speaker: ___________________Session Notes: • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________

*Effectiveness InventoryCircle the best answer (“True” or “False”) for each of the statements below continuing to the next page. *Effectiveness Inventory taken from Fortified Marriages , “How to Build & Maintain a Strong Marriage & Family” by Chris Gardner (2006, p. 91 & 92)

*Effectiveness InventoryCircle the best answer (“True” or “False”) for each of the statements below continuing to the next page. Scoring: 30-40: Your communication is excellent; keep it up! 20-29: Your communication is good; continue to work at it. 10-19: Your communication needs work; you may want to do further study <10: You should seek out a counselor to help you learn some basic communication skills. The purpose of this inventory is to give ou an idea about where your communication skills are presently. Communication is a learned skill; you can improve. Please do not use this inventory to attack your spouse for his or her poor communication habits. Excellent communication takes two strong communicators. Poor communication takes two poor communicators. Your score depends on the two of you and the two of you will be able to improve it. *Effectiveness Inventory taken from Fortified Marriages , “How to Build & Maintain a Strong Marriage & Family” by Chris Gardner (2006, p. 91 & 92)

Communication: Your Words Aren’t EnoughSession Speaker: ___________________Session Notes: • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________

Small Group Time

Communication: Well DoneSession Speaker: ___________________Session Notes: • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________

Communication: Well Done Session Speaker: ___________________Session Notes: • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________

Time Alone with God & Your Spouse

Session Speaker: ___________________Session Notes: • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________ • __________________________________________________________

MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER Retreat Booklet Fri, Oct. 8 – Sat, Oct. 9, 2009

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