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Marriage After Combat

Marriage After Combat. Helping Marriages Survive Deployments. Mobilization Alert Letter. Please read and record your feelings. Helping Marriages Survive Deployment . CHAPLAIN (LTC) Henry H. Beaulieu. Specific stressors on Military Marriages. Physical and emotional separation

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Marriage After Combat

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  1. Marriage After Combat Helping Marriages Survive Deployments

  2. Mobilization Alert Letter Please read and record your feelings

  3. Helping Marriages Survive Deployment CHAPLAIN (LTC) Henry H. Beaulieu

  4. Specific stressors on Military Marriages • Physical and emotional separation • Inability to work on a problem as a couple (Problems existing prior to deployment usually do not get better during separation!) • Physical limitations on communication • Problems with children and operating as a single parent • Dealing with trauma, grief, and injuries resulting from combat • “Throttling down” when the soldier comes home.

  5. Expectations must be shaped by: Spouse – New roles, responsibilities, and level of support available while SM was gone. Service member - Experiences in combat and during the deployment.

  6. Where do a lot of couples get into trouble? • Intimacy • Finances • Children “Slow is Fast”

  7. Post Deployment Problematic Thoughts and Emotions • SPOUSE – Anger, Fear, Resentment, Trust… Blame, Unspoken Expectations • SOLDIER – No Longer Needed at Home, Work No Longer Important, Trust, Anger/Fear/Grief, Unspoken Expectations • CHILDREN – Anxiety, Resentment, Indifference, Anger

  8. A shared sense of purpose helps re-build strong relationships . State your Expectations (No mind reading required!) . Have Fun . Practice Thankfulness . Practice Good Communication Skills (Conference Table) . Dedicate to a Right Attitude . Seek Help When Needed

  9. Conference Table(Weekly Family AAR) Each ask the other: • “Have I failed you in some way this week? Are you mad at me about anything?” • “Here is how I intend to change…..” • “Please forgive me!” • “What has gone well this week?”

  10. “So What’s There To Talk About?” • How have you changed? • What do you hope hasn’t changed? • What has been hardest about this separation/deployment? • What is important to you in the reunion? • What do you think will be toughest about the reunion? • What are you going to have to “get over” in order to reunite? What about your spouse? • What are you most looking forward to? • Answer this: I’ll know “we’re back” when...

  11. COMMON MISTAKES • Pretend Nothing has Changed • Belittle the Other’s Efforts • Take It Too Quickly • Fail to Consider the Other’s Desires

  12. CONCLUSION WITH GOOD PLANNING, UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENCE, MOST COUPLES SUCCESSFULLY REUNITE!

  13. Support for Service Members and Their Families Chaplain (Captain) Wylly Collins Alabama National Guard

  14. Background • Cold War structures for supporting service members and their families • Global War on Terrorism (GWOT) • Specific Example: Alabama National Guard at September 11, 2001

  15. Current Picture • Strong Bonds (US Army, Reserves, Guard) • Yellow Ribbon (Air and Army Guard) • Air Force Initiatives • Navy Initiatives • Private and non-governmental groups

  16. Future Plans • Continued Funding for initiatives in the military • Guard and Reserve reliance upon local communities, non-governmental groups, and State and Local governments

  17. Joint Family Support Assistance Program (JFSAP) Military Family Life Consultants Betsy Houser, LCSW Patricia Randich-Dumas, LCSW-PIP

  18. Alabama Joint Family Support Assistance Program Provides mobile, high quality family services, to augment, current family programs’ ability to meet the needs of Active Duty, Guard and Reserve Family members. The primary focus of support are families geographically dispersed from a military installation.

  19. Military Family Life Consultants M: mobile F: free L: licensed counselors C: confidential

  20. MFLCs Provide non-medical, short-term solution focused counseling services for deployment, reintegration and other military life stressors. Provide outreach to families with children and offer parenting and child development education. Provide community counseling referrals Presentations and workshops on over 70 topics

  21. Contact Info Chaplain (LTC) Henry H. Beaulieu, Henryb@eastwoodchurch.org 334-386-2386 Chaplain (Captain) Wylly Collins, Wylly.collins@us.army.mil 334-213-7534 Betsy Houser, LCSW, Betsy.houser@MHN.com 256-679-7427 Patricia Randich- Dumas, LCSW-PIP, Patricia.randich-dumas@MHN.com 334-782-5810

  22. Questions? Thank you for supporting our Military Families!

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