What is Domestic Violence Is it Really Happening in My Church and What Can I do About it

1.  What is DomesticViolence? Is it Really Happening in My Church? and What Can I do About it?

2. Two Major Objectives An Overview of Domestic Violence: What it is and what it isn�t. Domestic Violence and the Church: Prevalence and Responses

3. MYTHS YOU MAY BELIEVE ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

4. Domestic Violence isn�t really a big issue in our society. Domestic violence typically involves just pushing or slapping, it isn�t really that serious.

6. An estimated 5.3 million intimate partner violence victimizations occur among U.S. women ages 18 and older each year. This violence results in nearly two million injuries, more than 550,000 of which require medical attention. In addition, IPV victims lose a total of nearly eight million days of paid work � the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs � and nearly 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of the violence. Alicia Bugarin, California Research Bureau Alicia Bugarin, California Research Bureau

7. The total estimated cost of domestic violence in the US is approximately 65 billion dollars per year in direct and indirect expenses.

11. 3. The only victims in domestic violence cases are the women involved.

16. 4. Domestic violence is more related to substance abuse than anything else.

17. 5. Domestic violence is the problem of lower socio-economic groups.

19. 6. Domestic violence isn�t happening in my church and therefore it�s not my problem.

25. Emotional, Psychological or Mental Abuse Economic Control Sexual Abuse/Rape Threats/Intimidation Domestic Violence Also Includes:

26. Coercion Possessiveness Use of Male Privilege Child Abuse Destruction of Property Stalking

27. Portrait of A Batterer Male, white, age 18-35 High school dropout Chronically unemployed or underemployed History of assaultive behavior - arrested or not

28. History of substance use/abuse Live-in relationship History of being abused as a child or witnessing abuse of mother by significant men in her life NONE OF ABOVE - There are exceptions to all of these characteristics

29. Study of 1000 adjudicated domestic violence perpetrators in Seattle, Washington area. The Majority of the clients could be described as: White Employed Educated Religious

30. COMMON PERPETRATORCHARACTERISTICS/QUALITIES

31. Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde Unpredictability Lack of responsibility taking Turn-arounds Emotional storminess Lack of Trust Intense Jealousy

32. Over reactions Possessiveness Unrealistic expectations Poor Impulse Control �Know it All� Attitude �I�m Always Right� Attitude

34. 13) Murder or Murder/Suicide 12) Use of a Weapon 11) Displaying or Threatening to use Weapons 10) Strangulation, Punching, etc 9) Intimidating Behaviors 8) Sexual Violence 7) Slapping, Grabbing, and Restraining 6) Isolating Behaviors, Stalking 5) Threats of Non-lethal Aggression 4) Coercive and Manipulative Behaviors 3) Pushing and Shoving 2) Economic Control, Male Privilege 1) Emotional Abuse, Using Child , Blaming Her

35. �I hate divorce,� says the Lord God of Israel, �and I hate a man�s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,� says the Lord God Almighty.

36. WHAT KIND OF CHURCH ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH?

37. 3 Kinds of Churches The �Ostrich� Church The �Stumbling Block� Church The �Lighthouse� Church

38. Policy Statement of the UMC The United Methodist Church affirms the sacredness of all persons and their right to safety, nurture, and care. It names domestic violence and sexual abuse as sins and pledges to work for their eradication. The church commits itself to listen to the stories of battered spouses, rape victims, abused children, adult

39. survivors of child sexual abuse, and all others who are violated and victimized. The church further commits itself to provide leadership in responding with justice and compassion to the presence of domestic violence and sexual abuse among its membership and within the community at large. Book of Resolutions, 2000, United Methodist Church

40. Policy Statement of the FreeMethodist Church We recognize that domestic violence, emotional and/or physical, does occur in church related families. It often jeopardizes the safety of spouse or children and may threaten life itself. These family members need both spiritual and emotional healing.

41. When an impossible situation is destroying the home, we advise that Christians may separate. In such cases the way to reconciliation must be kept open. The Book of Discipline of the Free Methodist Church, Chapter 3: The Christian Journey The Christian and Marriage � subsection C �Healing Troubled Marriages�

42. Policy Statement of the Presbyterian Church USA The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) policy recommends: * that all candidates for ministry, commissioned lay pastors andchurch educators be trained in dealing with domestic violence issues;

43. * that presbytery committees on ministry be encouraged to develop and oversee regular, systematic pastoral reviews, so that any clergy who are victims or perpetrators can be identified and helped; * that congregations be urged to offer workshops on domestic violence, using denominational resources

44. * that middle governing bodies develop guides to help clergy and staff in prevention and response to domestic violence; and,* that education and training be required for clergy, commissioned lay pastors and church educators in the causes and symptoms of abuse, appropriate methods of intervention and recognition of professional limitations.

47. The Cities of RefugeDeuteronomy 19 and Joshua 20 Visible, available, approachable Hospitable to all Protective Fair Restorative

49. Children�s Programs/Sunday School Good Touch, Bad Touch Frank discussions about what abuse is Modeling of appropriate male/female interactions Safety in Reporting Abuse of Parent or Self Criminal Background Checks on CE Staff Training for Staff in Recognizing Abuse and CPS Reporting Procedures

50. Youth Groups/Singles Groups Dating Violence Boundary Setting (Sexual/physical) Avoidance of pre-mature �serious relationships� Characteristics of Battering/Control Characteristics of Christian Husbands/ wives Frank discussions about what abuse is

51. Pre-marital/Marital Counseling Frank discussions about what abuse is Modeling of appropriate male/female interactions Problem Solving/Conflict Resolution Communication Skills Questioning couples about control/ violence issues in their relationship The �BIG� five

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58. A DV Charter for your Church THIS CHURCH . . . accepts that domestic violence is a serious problem which occurs in all sections of society including church families recognizes that domestic violence is unacceptable, a sin, and must be stopped affirms that God is a God of love, justice, mercy and forgiveness and will teach and preach values of tolerance and equality

59. will witness to what it truly means to value human beings; men, women and children, and challenge society about its behavior undertakes to listen, support and care for those affected by domestic violence will keep up to date and work with the support agencies that are available locally and publicize them

60. ContraindicatedTreatments Individual Counseling Substance Abuse Counseling Anger Management Couples Counseling