Emotional Intelligence: for Developing Leadership Competence

1. Emotional Intelligence: for Developing Leadership Competence Dr Dinesh Pant

2. What makes a person successful in leadership roles?

3. What makes a person successful in leadership roles? • Environmental forces Much of success or failure of a person is due to the outside forces. • Personal competencies Much of success / failure of a person is due to his / her internal forces (Everyone is personally responsible for success or failure)

4. Discover the 90/10 Principle • 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react • We cannot control a traffic red light while driving, but we can control our reaction to the light. Let's use an example: • You are having breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of tea onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. • What happens next will be determined by how you react.

5. One possible reaction: You curse You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the tea cup. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You go back upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been crying not finishing breakfast and not getting ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing NRs 200 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the school building without saying “goodbye”. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find coolness in your relationships with your spouse and daughter. Why? ….. Why did you have a bad day? A) Did the tea cause it? B) Did your daughter cause it? C) Did the policeman cause it? D) Did you cause it? Because of how you reacted in the morning?

6. The other possible reaction: Here is what could have and should have happened. Tea pours over you. Your daughter is scared and about to cry. You gently say, "Its Okay dear, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having. Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED.

7. Coming back to the earlier question “What makes a person successful?” Success requires a positive mindset ! It is your own competence !!

8. Positive mindset includes four major psychological properties or processes: • Thinking • Feeling • Willing • Doing (behaving)

9. New Areas of Leadership Competencies Conventional meaning of Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is based on cognitive skills (knowledge-based) Such high IQ is not enough to perform leadership roles in the modern world Multi-intelligence is needed! New intelligence typologies are: • Emotional Intelligence (EQ) • Moral Intelligence (MQ) • Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) All these help to build positive attitudes!

12. What is Emotion ? • A movement in our state of mind; …moved or excited state of mind! • Any kind of feeling - May manifest in many forms, e.g., love, fear, anger, excitement, embarrassment, etc. - Both expressed or suppressed! - Argued to be both psychological and biological or physiological!

13. Emotional intelligence “one's ability to manage emotions in self and others and use the emotions adaptively” (Theorized first by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and then operationalised and popularized by Daniel Goleman in late Nineties through the best selling books …. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ (1995) and Working with Emotional Intelligence (1998). 

14. Improving EQ in its Five Dimensions • Creating self-awareness (knowing one’s own emotions) • Regulating or managing emotions (managing feelings to behave according to the needs) • Motivating “self” (self-motivation) • Understanding emotions in others (empathy) • Handling relations with others Has expanded in many other forms, e.g., expression of / access to emotion, etc.

15. Major Areas / Domains of EQ 1) Concerned with intra-personal affairs (self-management): self awareness, self-motivation, managing stress, etc. 2) Concerned with inter-personal affairs (interpersonal management): empathy, elations with others (cultural intelligence), etc. 3) Concerned with your overall mood (overall life management): optimism, happiness, etc.

17. Results of High EQ High EQ generates feelings that build positive attitudes: • Motivation • Satisfaction / Happiness • Desire • Self-esteem • Self-control • Friendship • Appreciation • Peace • Attributing setback or failure to immediate environment, temporal factor and external weakness (with optimism): • Laughing at own set back by taking different perspectives

18. Results of Low EQ Low EQ generates feelings that build negative attitudes: • Anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, etc. • Loneliness, depression, stress, etc, • Fear, instability, etc. • Guilt, victimization, hurt, etc. Attributing setback or failure to larger environment, permanent factor and internal weakness (with low optimism)

19. Contributors for leadership / managerial success Cognitive intelligence (IQ) - 20% Emotional intelligence (EQ) and others - 80% • IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted • Both combines to make you success! • Older the happier – a recent research finding • One’s definition of happiness changes as he or she grows older

20. Uses of EQ at workplace (team/organization) • Taking leadership or having leadership influences • Resolving interpersonal conflicts • Developing team spirit / promoting cooperation • Creating a positive work culture (where service-seekers and staff feel safe, trusted, included, respected, valued, cared) • Promoting clientele relationships (making others feel heard, helped, served, respected, etc.) • Dealing with situational pressures (uncertainty, irrationality, injustice, inconsistence) with tolerance and optimism • Dealing with people resorting to agitation / aggression • Building positive mindsets(positive belief, optimism, desire, thinking, feeling, coping with cynicism, etc.) • Improving productivity (with cooperation, collaboration, etc. )

21. Can we choose to feel? Emotions (like anger, love, fear, guilt, stress, etc.) are natural, spontaneous human manifestation But, You can learn to choose what or how you want to feel • Too much - Over-regulation? • Too little - Under-regulation? Balancing is desirable!

23. Improving EQ: How? Two major steps for improving EQ: - Knowing and Assessingyour own EQ level - emotional state or traits (understanding) - Using / Developing competencies to deal with emotion (acting)

24. IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

25. Incident 1 You have been ignored for a promotion by the management for which you were eligible. Moreover, one of your juniors has been promoted. You are upset and feel frustrated. What do you do? • Talk it over with your boss and ask for reconsideration of the management's decision. • Start abusing the colleague who superseded you. • Move to court and obtain a stay order to get justice. • Identify your shortcomings and try to improve your performance.

26. Incident 2 You get into an argument with your colleague in the course of which you end up personally attacking him/her. However, you never intended to tarnish the image of your colleague. How will you tackle this ugly situation? • Sit calm and consider what triggered off the argument and whether it was possible to control your anger there. • Avoid future arguments and leave the scene. • Apologize to your colleague. • Continue with the argument till you reach some definite conclusion.

27. Incident 3 Imagine that you are a security officer posted in a sensitive area. You get information of violent ethnic clashes between two religious communities in which people have been killed from both sides and property damaged. What action will you take? • Decide not to visit the spot personally as there may be a danger to your life. • Relax – this is not the first time riots have occurred. • Try to handle the situation by taking all desired remedial measures. • Reach the spot and empathize with the feelings of the victims.

28. Incident 4 You are on an aircraft and suddenly the pilot announces that it has been hijacked by the terrorist. Everyone is in a state of shock. What will be your reaction? • Blame yourself for choosing an inauspicious day for traveling. • Be in emotional control and attend to the instructions of the pilot/air hostess. • Continue to read your magazine and pay little attention to the incident. • Cry out and vow not to travel by air in future.

29. Behavioral Guidelines for Improving EQ 1) Creating Self-awareness: - Respect yourself: e.g.,accept your innermost feelings - Be positive: e.g.,have confidence in your own ability, avoid being cynical - Be true to yourself: e.g.,know strengths / limitations and act accordingly – I need help! "If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation." – Krishnamurti

30. Exercise on self-awareness

31. Contd… Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ 2) Managing (Regulating) Emotions: - Defer judgment; curb impulses - Park the problems; detach yourself - Be flexible: go with the flow: do not force - Manage your non-verbal communication Emotionally stable person is often happy!

32. Exercise on self-regulation

33. Contd…. Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ 3) Motivating Self: - Striving to improve / achieve high standards - Being committed to achieve your goals - Taking the initiative and seizing opportunity - Being optimistic even in the face of difficulties / setbacks

34. Exercise on self-motivation

35. Contd… Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ 4) Understanding / responding to other’s emotions: - Being sensitive towards and understanding other people - Making the needs and interests of others your point of reference - Furthering the development of other people - Being tuned in socially and politically (rule of game)

36. Exercise on understanding others

39. Contd…behavioural guidelines for …EQ 5) Handling interpersonal relations: • Inspiring and guiding groups and people • Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission • Step forward to lead as needed • Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable • Lead by example

40. Exercise on Handling Relations

41. Regulating specific emotions • Anger • Stress (anxiety) • Hurt • Guilt • Love (affection) • Fear (shyness) • Joy

43. ANGER: A Self-Assessment Exercise

44. Knowing your “anger” state • Subject-matter (source / triggers) • Frequency • Intensity • Duration • Type of expression

45. Strategies for managing “Anger” • Keep rating your anger • Manage your stress level self-talk phrases (e.g., take it easy, relax, stay cool, maintain mutual respect, work for win-win, etc.) • Use your sense of humor • Develop empathy to other’s concern • Pay attention to your body language • Get rid of the ghosts from the past • Develop a “list of things to do when I am angry” • Express anger properly, if necessary

46. Guidelines for expressing anger Make sure that anger: • is directed at the right person • satisfies your need to regain control and seek justice • promotes a change in behavior or gives you new information about the person’s behavior • has meaning to the other person • encourages cooperation rather than retaliation

47. Guidelines for managing “Hurt” • Engaging in physical exercises • Recalling past successes • Exploring models: remember people who appear to be effective in managing emotions • Talk with someone you admire / trust • Self-coaching: “Stay calm!”, “Take it easy”, “You can do it”, “This too will pass”, “Let go, let God!” • Using reminders and signals (quotes, saying, etc.) • Distracting yourself from the subject hurting you

50. Guidelines for managing “guilt” • Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately • Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must be right, I must please others • Show superiority – even if it is not real • Express good intentions • Motivate for positive change