Northwoods International School

1. Northwoods International School

2. Together Against Bullying Gundersen Lutheran Medical Foundation Departments of Pediatrics and Behavioral Health Jeff Reiland, MS, CPT-S www.togetheragainstbullying.org

3. Overview of this evening • Define and describe bullying and prevalence. • Differentiate bullying from good natured teasing. • Differentiate telling from tattling. • Recognize if your child is being bullied or bullying…or both! • Learn how to work together in addressing the bullying problems in our community. • How parents can eliminate or reduce bullying by promoting pro-social changes at home. Jeff Reiland

4. Bullying Defined “The unprovoked physical or psychological abuse of an individual by one student or a group of students over time to create an ongoing pattern of harassment and abuse.” Source: Batsche & Knoff, 1994; Hoover, Ohver, & Thomson, 1993; Olweus, 1991) –Whitted and Dupper, Best Practices for Preventing or Reducing Bullying in Schools. Children & Schools. Vol. 27, Number 3. July, 2005. Jeff Reiland

5. Verbal and Physical Bullying • Hitting, slapping, tripping, shoving, spitting at, name calling, chanting, taunting. Jeff Reiland

6. Social Bullying • Purposeful action on the part of the bully or group of bullies that leads to the social exclusion or damage to the victim’s status or reputation. • The purpose is to get others to not socialize with the victim. Jeff Reiland

7. Cyber bullying • Use of computers, the internet such as Face book, cell phones; texting to hurt and socially humiliate and isolate others. Jeff Reiland

8. Mental Health Providers Teachers Parents Medical Providers Bystanders Kids Victim Bully Bully-Victim Schools Community Neighborhoods Jeff Reiland

9. Prevalence “Research has found that as many as 33.7% of U.S. elementary school students reported being frequently bullied at school.” (Bradshaw, Sawyer, & O’Brennan, 2007) “One study found that approximately one in five kindergarteners reported being frequently victimized” (Kochenderfer and Ladd, 1996b) Over 66% children with special needs are identified as being bullied. Jeff Reiland

10. Why the Big Deal about Bullying? • Bullying has long term consequences…for all involved. • Bullying is a preventable problem … and it is growing! Jeff Reiland

11. Effects of bullying on victims • Social isolation • Friendship loss • Low self esteem • Declining school grades • Anxiety • Depression • Suicidal thought or worse • Being bullied is frequently a factor resulting in referral of adolescents for psychiatric services. (Salmon, James, Cassiby, & Javaloyes,2000(WidmeyerCommunications, 2003) Jeff Reiland

12. Effects of Bullying Last Long into Adulthood • Children involved in the bullying cycle in the roles of bully, victim, or bully victim, all had lasting effects into adulthood. • Increase risk of serious illness • Struggling to hold down a job • Difficulties in social relationships New study reported on 8-19-13 Jeff Reiland

13. The research assessed 1,420 participants four to six times between the ages of 9 and 16 years and adult outcomes between 24-26 years of age. • All three groups were twice as likely to have problems with employment or saving money. Jeff Reiland

14. Children involved in the cycle of bullying were more likely to struggle with: • obesity, diabetes, cancer, disability and severe asthma. • develop a psychiatric disorder compared to those not involved in bullying • smoke regularly • The bully-victim is over six times more likely to be diagnosed with a serious illness Jeff Reiland

15. Mean vs. Bullying All mean behavior Kindness and Empathy All Bullying Behavior Jeff Reiland

16. How do children learn their behaviors? Jeff Reiland

17. Children who bully…It’s not always who you expect! • There is no one stereotype or set of traits that accurately describes this group of students. • Some are unpopular and have poor social skills • Others have highly developed social skills • “moral disengagement” Jeff Reiland

18. Understanding the child who bullies • In a small qualitative study, children who bullied were interviewed. They also had been identified by their teachers, school administration, and school psychologists based on the following characteristics. • Doesn’t consider the feelings of others • Threatens and harasses others and enjoys their pain • Is selfish • Lacks friends • Spreads rumors • Always wants control • Doesn’t respect authority • Makes fun of others • Picks on younger and smaller children • Starts conflicts • (Child Psychiatry and Human Development vol. 30 (1) Smith, Twemlow, Hoover, 1999. p. 36) Jeff Reiland

19. Labels • Language of bullying: bullies, victims, bully-victims, bystanders, • Children are not their behavior! • Another way to talk about our children: • Children who bully • Children who are bullied or victimized by bullying • Children who are silent Jeff Reiland

20. Who are the victims of bullying?Children who are different. • Children who are different in any way: • exceptional • learning disabilities • physical disabilities • emotional and behavioral problems. • social-relationship problems. • self-regulation difficulties. • different (not good or bad) Jeff Reiland

21. 66% + 33% Jeff Reiland

22. Children with special needs • According to researchers, children with special needs frequently have lower social standing among the other students in the classroom. This may lead to them to frequently become the targets of bullying. (Pepler& Craig, 2000; Dubin, 2007 , Abilitypath.org) Jeff Reiland

23. Why Bully children with special needs? • They may have a low frustration tolerance. When they get upset and blow up, this makes the child stand out as being different. Jeff Reiland

24. Why Bully children with special needs? • Students with developmental disabilities can have difficulty paying attention to more than one piece of information, which may cause them to stay “stuck” in in a conversation. Such actions can have adverse effects on their social skills and make it difficult for them to hold conversations or make friends. Abilitypath.org Jeff Reiland

25. Why Bully children with special needs? • Children with motor difficulties have difficulty reading, writing and participating in gym class. They are often made fun of because they are unable to perform age-appropriate motor skills, such as kicking a ball to the right person or coloring in the lines.Abilitypath.org Jeff Reiland

26. Why Bully children with special needs? • Children with communication disabilities often have assistive technology devices that other students do not understand and the other students sometimes view them as “weird.” Jeff Reiland

27. Students with physical impairments may move slower, have less stamina and an unsteady gait. These conditions, as well as others, may be viewed as signs of weakness and precipitate physical or verbal abuse. Abilitypath.org Jeff Reiland

28. Children who are bystanders: Silent Watchers Even though most bystanders don’t like to watch bullying, less than 20% try to stop it. (Craig & Pepler, 1997) Jeff Reiland

29. There are different types of bystanders. • Some participate in starting the bullying. • Some laugh or give attention to the bullying thereby encouraging it. • Some join in the bullying once is started. • Some are silent. This silence is most often misinterpreted by the bully as support for the bullying. It is also interpreted by the victim is a betrayal and support for the bully. Jeff Reiland

30. Why don’t some bystanders intervene?  • They think, “It’s not my problem.” • They fear getting hurt or becoming the next victim.  • They fear being on the outside of the group. • They think that telling adults won’t help or it may make the bullying worse. • They feel powerless to stop the bullying. • They don’t like or really know the victim or believe the victim did something to deserve the bullying. • They don’t know what to do. Jeff Reiland

31. Why focus on bystanders? • Bystanders contribute to the problem. • Upstandersstop the problem. • Research show that others speaking out or taking action stops bullying behavior over half the time within seconds! Jeff Reiland

32. Ways to Be an Upstanderfrom Naomi Drew. No Kidding About Bullying • Choose not to join in when people are picking on or laughing at someone. • Speak out against unkind words or actions. • Let an adult know what’s going on. • Say something helpful to the person who’s being picked on or laughed at. • Ask people who are teasing how it would feel if they were the ones being teased. • Ask the person who’s being left out or picked on to join you in an activity. Jeff Reiland

33. What kids can do to reduce bullying • 1. Reporting bullying to an adult is perhaps the most common strategy that children use to cope with bullying. • 2. Walk away. Find another place to play. Jeff Reiland

34. What Kids can do • 3. Ignorethe bullying. • 4. Use humor to diffuse the power of the bully. • 5. Find a group of supportive friends who don’t bully. Jeff Reiland

35. What Kids can do • 6. Stay calm! Do not get angry or upset. This only encourages the bully. • One of the greatest challenges with victims of bullying is the tendency to react to the taunting. • Staying calm is one of the most powerful ways that children can reduce their own likelihood of being victimized. • Learning how to regulate the intensity of their emotions is key to helping children overcome this challenge. Jeff Reiland

36. Help kids differentiate teasing from taunting-bullying Playful Teasing Taunts - Bullying Help kids to decode behaviors in other children Jeff Reiland

37. Teasing vs. TauntingBarbara Coloroso, The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander, 2008 Teasing Taunting-Bullying Based on an imbalance of power and is one sided. Is intended to cause harm Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes. Includes laughter at the target, not with the target. Defines the relationship Continues especially when targeted kid objects or becomes distressed • Allows both to swap roles with ease. • No hurt is intended • Pokes fun in light hearted way. • Meant for both to laugh • Is only a small part of the relationship interaction • Is discontinued if the teased person becomes upset or objects Jeff Reiland

38. Families at Risk • How is sibling bullying different from peer bullying? • How much of the interaction at home promotes bullying and victim behavior in my children? Jeff Reiland

39. Association of Sibling Aggression With Child and Adolescent Mental Health Corinna Jenkins Tucker, David Finkelhor, Heather Turner and Anne Shattuck • A comparison of sibling versus peer aggression in a national probability sample (n= 3599) generally showed that sibling and peer aggression independently and uniquely predicted worsened mental health. published online June 17, 2013 Jeff Reiland

40. Thirty-two percent of the children reported being bullied by a sibling. Jeff Reiland

41. Sibling Aggression: 57% of bullies and 77% of victims of bullying at school report that they have also bullied their siblings at home. • There appears to be a strong relationship between children who bully other children in school and also bully siblings at home. Duncan, 1999; Bowers, et al. 1994 Jeff Reiland

42. Children who bully…It’s not always who you expect! • There is no one stereotype or set of traits that accurately describes this group of students. • Some are unpopular and have poor social skills • Others have highly developed social skills • “moral disengagement” Jeff Reiland

43. “Stopping bullying is about developing healthy social relationships. Modeling and shaping children’s social relationships is free.” Swearer, Espelage, & Napolitano. Bullying Prevention & Intervention 2009 p. 6. Modeling social relationships is the responsibility of all members of the community who care for children Jeff Reiland

44. Parents are the first and best teachers to: • Teach children about kindness • Teach children about empathy • Teach children about emotions • Teach children about friendship Jeff Reiland

45. What do kids need? • Kindness is the state or act of being kind. It begins as an internal experience. Kindness is something that comes from inside of us. Kindness can be learned. • Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathy helps us have compassion for others. Empathy can be learned. • Emotion Management is a set of skills that helps a person to identify, express, and regulate the intensity of emotions that are experienced. Managing emotions helps us be predictable friends and to solve problems. Emotion management can be learned. • Friendship Skills include the skills listed above and also the import skills of communication and problem solving together. Friendship skills are the foundation for all meaningful relationships. Friendship skills can be learned. Jeff Reiland

46. Encourage kindness and empathy • Notice when your child is doing the right thing! • Model what kindness, empathy, emotion management and friendship skills are. • Label and describe feelings. Jeff Reiland

47. Encouraging kindness and empathy • Reflective praise. • Use of stories and situations to discuss a social skill • Teach verbal and non-verbal signs of emotions in others. • Progress not perfection! Jeff Reiland

48. Parent Idea: Social Skills Conversation • Parent or teacher can facilitate a discussion with children to look at a social situation and identify the errors in perception or behaviors in order to prevent them from happening again. • Talk about typical situations where mean behavior or bullying behavior was seen. (from movies, TV, news stories, observations, books, other) Discuss what could be done differently to change the outcome. Jeff Reiland

49. In approaching schools (adapted from Rigby, Children and Bullying, 2008) • Make an appointment. • Get the facts regarding the incident/incidents that have happened. • Do not make angry accusations to the school, teachers, or students. • Understand the school may need to investigate the circumstances. This can take time. • Be clear that you, as a parent, want to work with the school in support of the anti-bullying policy. • Don’t leave until you understand how you will be informed of what will happen. Jeff Reiland

50. “How do you keep 72 kids safe when you are driving 50 miles an hour and all you have to supervise and communicate is a rear-view mirror?” School Bus Driver Jeff Reiland