Expression: Speak for Yourself With Clarity and Power

1. Expression: Speak for Yourself With Clarity and Power Christina A. Pascucci November 8, 2011

2. Activity – Origami Sailboat • Why do you think that each of you did not end up with a sailboat?

3. Activity – Origami Sailboat • Why do you think that each of you did not end up with a sailboat? • Responses from EOP Session: • We were racing when folding • We weren’t listening very good • Directions were no specific • Directions went too fast • Not very specific • Not enough time to fold • Questions were not allowed • Not right rules • Monotone directions • Needed more clarity with how and how far to fold • Could have heard directions again • We were not corrected when doing it wrong • It would have been helpful for you to do it along with us • Confusing directions • More specific directions needed • Needed a visual demonstration • Unclear directions with how to fold • No one to cheat off of • Directions were confusing at triangle part • Got lost at triangle part • Instructions needed to be more clear • It would have been helpful for you to do it with us • I suck at origami and folding in general

4. Origami Sailboat – Take 2 • Why do you think there was such a difference in the outcome from the first time to the second time?

5. Origami Sailboat – Take 2 • There was more interaction • Went slower • Did it with us • The visual • Slower and better direct orders • Someone to follow • Visual • Able to ask questions • Demonstrated what should be done • Directions were better • Slower • Got to see it explained better • Repeated parts of instructions if we were still working • The visual for confused people • Helped people • Spoke instructions clearly • The clear directions • Did it along with us; did it step by step • If we were doing it correctly, you stopped us and helped me out • The directions were clearer

6. Questions for EOP: • Why do you think speaking with clarity and power is important? • Where do you think skills in this area will come in handy? • What is a time where you message was not communicated well and you could have expressed yourself more clearly or in a more powerful way?

7. Clear Expression? • Legally Blonde - Break Up Scene • What did you notice within this clip?

8. Expression: Step 1 • Find Your Sense of Entitlement: • Your views and feelings = legitimate, valuable, and important • Failing to express can damage and detach relationships • Feel entitled and encouraged, but not obligated.

9. Your Responses • If you are not expressing yourself than the “relationship” is one-sided and not a connection. • …if you don’t express yourself, you don’t really have a voice in the relationship. (Have no control in relationship) • …that you only exist in a “relationship” as a space filler… becoming nonexistent. • …only when you express yourself are you an active member in a relationship… simply existing and there isn’t actually a relationship because there is no exchange. • …that you do not have a backbone to stand up for yourself, but also it means that you must feel intimidated, unsyre, or not really into the relationship.

10. Expression: Step 2 • Start with What Matters Most – What’s most important to you to say? • Say What You Mean – Don’t Make Others Guess

11. Expression: Step 2 • Don’t Relay on Subtext: • Bringing up messages indirectly through: jokes, question, offhand comments, or body language • May be passive or passive-aggressive communication • Find direct way of saying what is on your mind • People cannot read minds Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Suess? Dionne: Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack. Cher: It's faux.

12. Expression: Step 2 • Avoid Easing In: • Indirect hints and leading questions • Often increases anxiety and defensiveness • Recipient conjures up different message than was intended • Make subject clear and discussable • Be interested in hearing their side/view/ideas/etc • How might you start a conversation without easing in (in regards to evaluation)?

13. Major Miscommunication • Abbott & Costello • What caused confusion here? • Can lead to aggression • Others issues: using jargon, acronyms unknown to all, not being detailed in description

14. Expression: Step 2 • Don’t Make it Simplistic – Use the “Me-Me And” • Simplicity ---> incomplete messages • Me-Me And – Connects 2 aspects of thoughts • Example: I think you are bright and talented, and I think you are not working hard enough. • Use instead of but • Me-Me And = helpful to avoid misunderstanding • Have you ever done this?

15. Expression Guidelines • Opinion vs. Fact • “My brothers are pains in the butt, therefore brothers in general are as well.” • Share Where Thoughts/Ideas Came From • “As the product of a single parent home growing up…” • Don’t Exaggerate with “Always” and “Never” • “You never listen to me!”

16. Help Others Understand You • Different people take in information differently • Ask others to paraphrase back to you to ensure understanding • Ask how they see it differently – and why • Communication is back and forth – involves speaking AND listening

17. Other Relevant Responses I have been too simplistic in talking to people recently. “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” This is the only way that people will take you seriously. After I did it, I realized that I did not have to ease in anything. …relying on subtext or easing into something is avoiding the actual message. …where miscommunication happens and people are left to decipher meaning instead of the message being communicated properly and thoroughly in the first place. …we keep the conversation very simplistic thus sending a different meaning than what we should. …when becoming overly emotional about something to step back and evaluate… …stopping and considering…

18. Scenarios • Using these techniques: • How would you fire someone? • How would you break up with someone? • How would you show interest in someone?