Parent Partner Training

1. Parent Partner Training Bridging the Gap

2. Welcome! Please put cell phones on vibrate, or turn them off There will be breaks Help yourself to a light snack Please speak openly and honestly, and feel free to ask questions!

3. Parent Partners • Qualities of a good Parent Partner • Bridging the Gap • Family forms and family systems • Empathy: Putting yourself in their shoes • Communication • Helping families build on their own strengths • How to avoid dependency • Taking care of self

4. Parent Partners … • Set the tone for the relationship with the discharge resource… • Are an integral part of the treatment team…

5. Qualities of good Parent Partners

6. Parent Partners • Why is helping families achieve “healthy interdependence” a more realistic goal than promoting “self-sufficiency”? • What steps can you take to help the biological family restore a sense of self-reliance with their community?

7. Parent Partners • What words come to mind when you think of partnering or mentoring? • How can you partner and mentor with the biological parent?

8. Bridging the Gap

9. Bridging the Gap Recognize the benefits and challenges of working with foster children Learn roles and responsibilities of birth parents, resource parents and Foster Care Specialists in relation to Bridging the Gap Recognize the ways you can work with the child’s family and support ongoing communication between birth and resource families Learn ways to minimize the challenges of working with the foster child’s family

10. Bridging the Gap • Building and maintaining positive relationships and communication between birth and resource families • Support the goal of family reunification or another permanency plan • Strengthen and maintain family connections through increased cooperation and collaboration between resource and birth families • Increase contact between child, parents and siblings

11. Bridging the Gap • Benefits for the Birth Parents • Benefits for the Resource Parents • Benefits for the other Team Members • Benefits for the child

12. Bridging the Gap • Resource families may not get to continue relationship after reunification • Child’s family may resent unknown resource family • Divided loyalties • Both families compete for child’s affection • Easier for child to pit one against the other • Child’s family may have limited contact with child • Child’s family may become unmotivated and give up • Without Bridging the Gap:

13. Bridging the Gap • Strategies to minimize challenges: • Work as a team • Develop and maintain a positive and trusting relationship • Set clear boundaries • Establish ground rules • Reassure parent that the goal is reunification • Encourage birth parent to acknowledge progress • Collaborate with FCS

14. Bridging the Gap Teaming and Conferencing Resource Parents are encouraged to make contact with the biological family the first night the child is in their home to introduce themselves and allow the child to speak to their parent A facilitated child focused meeting held shortly after a child is placed in foster care to provide an opportunity for birth and resource parents to meet and share information about the needs of the child This is the beginning of establishing communication in building a relationship between the child’s parents and resource parents

15. Bridging the Gap • Brief (about 30 minutes) • Facilitated by County Caseworker with support of Foster Care Specialist • Child specific information is exchanged • Held within first 7 days of placement • (unless otherwise directed by your FCS) • At this meeting, an ISP date will be scheduled within the child’s first 30 days of placement Teaming and Conferencing

16. Bridging the Gap Purpose of Teaming and Conferencing

17. Bridging the Gap Purpose of Teaming and Conferencing

18. Bridging the Gap Purpose of Teaming and Conferencing

19. Bridging the Gap Purpose of Teaming and Conferencing

20. Bridging the Gap Purpose of Teaming and Conferencing

21. Bridging the Gap Guidelines

22. Bridging the Gap – Sharing Information

23. Bridging the Gap

24. Bridging the Gap

25. Bridging the Gap after teaming and conferencing Please see page 7 in your manual • Birth Parents • Other Team Members • The Child • Resource Parents

26. Bridging the Gap Bridging the Gap will help to lessen trauma in a child’s life by building and maintaining relationships between families to support reunification or another permanency plan.

27. EMPATHY: PUTTING YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES

28. Forced Choice

29. Empathy: Putting yourself in their shoes Guidelines to help you decide what to share

30. COMMUNICATION

31. Nonverbal Communication • There are four general areas of nonverbal communication • Facial expression (including eye contact) • Body posture • Awareness of personal space • Intuition

32. Listening Well Listening well involves four basic skills: • Creating an atmosphere that will encourage the other person to talk • Using “communication helpers” • Avoiding “communication blockers” • Reflecting back what you’ve heard with feedback

33. Listening Well Communication helpers Door openers “Want to talk about it?” “You look upset. Is something bothering you?” Encouragers “I’d like to hear more about your family’s concerns.” Open-ended questions “What do you hope your child will gain from being in our home?”

34. Listening Well Conversation blockers Blaming Moralizing Always and Never Giving orders or threatening Name-calling Directing or avoiding the other’s concern Labeling Excessive questioning Giving unasked-for advice

35. Listening Well Three ways to give feedback • Factual – “You weren’t able to make your doctor’s appointment because your car broke down. And you couldn’t call because your phone got shut off because you couldn’t pay your bill.” • Emotional – “It’s frustrating not have a reliable car, or a phone. That must be really hard.” • Solution-focused – “The woman at the doctor’s office said you could reschedule for next week. Did you say your sister works in town? Do you think she’d give you a ride? Yes? Great!”

36. Conflict resolution Seven steps to resolving conflicts • Listen. • Let the other person know you understand their complaint. • Affirmsomething you honestly admire in the person. • Look for the needbehind the problem. • Together, come up with a list of possible solutions. • Together, choose one that meets both of your needs. • Agree on a specific period of time to tryout the solution.

37. Conflict resolution • Several rounds of feedback may be necessary to understand a person’s complaint fully • Look for the need behind the problem before jumping to try to solve it. This helps you involve the other person in proposing possible solutions.

38. Handling blame and criticism Family member: “Jonnie went to crisis this weekend. You told me to keep using that daily check in and it’s all your fault! You’re supposed to be helping us! Who ever let you become a foster parent? I’m calling the Clinical Supervisor!”

39. Handling blame and criticism Without skillful listening and speaking Parent partner: “Wait a minute! It’s not my fault. Did you do it exactly like I said with the praise sandwich? Is all that trash still lying around in your hallway? There are lots of other families who want my help if you can’t be cooperative. I’ve been at Bair for 3 years and no one has ever treated me so disrespectfully!”

40. Handling blame and criticism With skillful listening and speaking: Parent partner: “I can see you’re furious and worried about Jonnie. I’ll try to help you, and I’d appreciate it if we can be respectful toward each other. I know getting hospitalization is scary, and I’ll be able to help you best if we’re working together on this. Let me make sure I have the facts right, so I can help you straighten this out as quickly as possible. You were using a daily check in and Jonnie had to be hospitalized? Can you remember what else had happened before the check in time or what exactly escalated Jonnie over the weekend?”

41. HELPING FAMILIES BUILD ON THEIR OWN STRENGTHS

42. Helping families build on their own strengths Turning weaknesses into strengths Developing “peripheral vision” or the ability to see a wider view of a family’s strengths despite the reality of their struggles

43. Helping families build on their own strengths Thelma changes jobs every few weeks. If she doesn’t like her supervisor or gets into an argument with a co-worker, she decides the job isn’t right for her and leaves. Paolo commutes two hours each day to work in a factory. He wants to be a good father but is exhausted when he finally gets home late in the evening. Dottie has been in recovery from drug abuse for three years. Her boyfriend is unemployed and watches her children. James is finishing night school to become a paralegal. Last week, he lost his job as a security guard because he fell asleep while on duty.

44. Helping families build on their own strengths

45. HOW TO AVOID DEPENDENCY

46. How to avoid dependency Situations to practice setting healthy boundaries with families: • A family asks you to loan them money • A family asks you to watch their children while they run to the store to buy the kids’ birthday presents • A family invites you to attend their family reunion • A family asks you to stop at the store on your way over and pick up a gallon of milk, and they’ll pay you when you arrive • A family asks you to write a letter to the utility company, asking for an extension

47. How to avoid dependency Setting healthy boundaries and avoiding the ‘enabler’ role in family development relationships

48. TAKING CARE OF SELF

49. Taking Care of Self – Pie of Life

50. Taking Care of Self What verbal and non-verbal cues indicate you are experiencing stress?