Powerful Parenting Practices

1. Helping Families Promote Children’s Social Emotional Competence – Part IIBased on materials from Center for Social Emotional Foundation of Early Learning (CSEFEL) www.csefel.vanderbilt.eduJanet Umble, M.S.

2. Powerful Parenting Practices WHAT to teach children - How to be a friend • About emotions • How to manage anger & disappointment • How to solve problems

3. Friendship Skills Think about children who are well liked and friendly… What do you notice about their behavior that makes it easier for them to make friends?

4. Friendship Skills • Gives suggestions (play organizers) • Shares toys and other materials • Takes turns (reciprocity) • Is helpful • Gives compliments • Understands how and when to give an apology • Begins to empathize

5. Play Organizers • Children who have this skill know how to: • Get a friend’s attention • Give a friend a toy • Offer suggestions of what to do with toys/materials • How to enter a • play situation

6. Sharing • Children who have this skill know how to: • Offer or respond to request from peer for materials

7. Taking Turns • Children who have this skill know how to: • “You take a turn, I take a turn” • Ask for a turn with a toy • Offer a turn • Initiate turn taking games

8. Being Helpful/Team Player • Children who have this skill know how to: • Assist each other • Tell or show a friend how to do something • Assist a friend in distress

9. Giving Compliments • Children who have this skill know how to: • Verbal – say things like: • “Good job _____!” • “I like the way you _____!” • Physical – Do things like: • Hug • Pat on the shoulder • High Five

10. Knowing How and When to Give Apologies • Children who have this skill know how to say: • “I’m sorry I hit you when you took my ball.” • “I didn’t mean to push you.”

11. What do we need to teach children about emotions? • The names of emotions • Identify your own emotions • Recognize, identify with & understand the emotions of others = empathy • Express your emotions in healthy, acceptable ways 11

12. Key Concepts about Feelings • Feelings change • You can have more than one feeling about something • You can feel differently than someone else about the same thing • All feelings are valid – it is what you do with them that counts 12

13. Children with a Strong Foundationin Understanding & Managing Emotions… • tolerate frustration better • get into fewer fights • engage in less destructive behavior • are healthier • are less lonely • are less impulsive • are more focused • have greater academic • achievement 13

14. Teaching children about Emotions Talk about feelings – your own and your child’s Ask your child to tell you how he/she feels Teach new emotion words (e.g., frustrated, confused, anxious, excited, worried) 14

15. Teaching children about Emotions Reflect on situations and discuss feelings Talk about how characters in a book, video, or on TV may feel Accept and support your child’s expression of feelings – teach appropriate ways to express feelings 15

16. Children’s Books 16

17. Use Songs and Games… • Example: Sing “If you’re happy and you know it…” • Add new verses to introduce new feeling words: • If you’re excited and you know it, give a cheer! • If you’re anxious and you know it, hug your • bear! • If you’re mad and you know it, use your words: “I’m mad!” • Example: Play “What if” game . . . • Role play with puppets • Draw attention to how others are feeling 17

18. Teaching children about Emotions • Teach children to recognize how someone else is feeling • Facial cues • Body language • Tone of voice • Situational cues 18

19. Teaching Children to Control Anger and Impulse How can we help our children… recognize anger in themselves and others? learn how to calm down? understand appropriate ways to express anger?

20. The Turtle Tuck • Recognize • that you • feel angry. Think, “Stop.” Go into shell. Take 3 deep breathes. And think calm, coping thoughts. Come out of shell when calm and thinking of a solution. 20

21. Tucker Turtle Takes Time to Tuck and Think A scripted story to assist families with teaching the “Turtle Tuck” By Rochelle Lentini Adapted for Families September 2006

22. Tucker Turtle is a terrific turtle. He likes to play with his friends at the park and in his backyard. 22

23. But sometimes things happen that can make Tucker really mad. 23

24. When Tucker got mad, he used to hit, kick, or yell at his friends. His friends would get mad or upset when he hit, kicked, or yelled at them. 24

25. Tucker now knows a new way to “think like a turtle” when he gets mad. 25

26. STOP Step 2 He can stop and keep his hands, body, and yelling to himself!

27. Step 3 He can tuck inside his shell and take 3 deep breaths to calm down.

28. Step 4 Tucker can then think of a solution or a way to make it better.

29. Tucker’s friends are happy when he plays nicely and keeps his body to himself. Friends also like it when Tucker uses nice words or has an adult help him when he is upset. 29

30. The End! 30

31. Teaching Children to Solve Problems: Problem-Solving Steps 31

32. Help Your Child Think of Possible Solutions Get an adult Ask nicely Ignore Play Say, “Please stop” Say, “Please” Share Trade toys/item Wait and take turns Wait until next time

33. Make problem solving tools your child can use • Solution toolkit Make pictures that describe solutions to problems. Your child can use them to select a solution to try. • Social stories Write your own story about your child doing the right thing.

34. Setting The Stage for Success! • Try to anticipate problems • Stay near your child • Support your child • Encourage your child • Notice and celebrate any & every little step your child takes toward meeting your expectations. 34

35. RESOURCES www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel Click on Training Modules, then Parents Click on Family Resources