Marriage Bugs

1. Marriage Bugs Getting the “BUGS” out of your marriage!

2. Divorce BUG Dear Student, Hello. I am the Divorce Bug. I am highly contagious and terribly overworked. Its seems that no marriage is completely immune from me…so in attempt to reduce my work load, I’ve developed this presentation on divorce. Please study the information carefully and try some of the treatments. Thanks, The Divorce Bug

3. “Budgetitis” • Definition: • An inability to accept spouse’s attitude toward money. • Symptoms: • $ primary arguments • A feeling that spouse is spending you into financial ruin • Tendency to “surprise” spouse with new items.

4. “Budgetitis” • Advanced Stages: • Spend $ to get back at spouse • One spouse has complete control of budget • Treatment: • Discuss budget & priorities • Compromise • Be considerate of spouses values and background

5. “Budgetitis” • CAUTION: If irritation breaks out during discussion, discontinue treatment until tempers cool down, then increase dosage of compromise and understanding.

6. “Verbal Terminosis” • Definition: • A termination of open and honest communication between you and your spouse. • Symptoms: • Tendency to watch for double meaning in our spouse’s statements. • You and your spouse both complain of being misunderstood. • Increasing difficulty in verbally expressing your feelings. • Loss of intimate gestures, eye contact and private jokes only the two of you can understand. • Increasing difficulty in finding something to discuss with your spouse.

7. “Verbal Terminosis” • Advanced Stages: • Difficulty in having a conversation which doesn’t end in an argument. • Long silences. • Cannot relax with your spouse…conversation is stilted and repetitive • Treatment: • Have two one-hour discussions per week without interruptions. • Avoid accusations or defensive statements. • Allow equal uninterrupted expressions of thoughts and feelings. • Exercise understanding, acceptance, and empathy.

8. “Verbal Terminosis” • CAUTION: • Highly contagious. Should be treated at first sign of infection.

9. “Perfectomania” • Definition: • Unrealistic expectations for a perfect marriage and/or a perfect spouse. • Symptoms: • You or your spouse have a tendency to ignore problems affecting your marriage. • You expect your spouse to look perfect at all times. • You or your spouse expect every moment to be romantic. • You expect your spouse to always be in a good mood. • You have a feeling your spouse is not giving enough.

10. “Perfectomania” • Advanced Stages: • You cannot cope with misunderstanding or disagreement with your spouse. • You experience increasing disenchantment with your spouse and your marriage. • Treatment: • Plan and have one, two or more discussions with your spouse as required. • Apply honesty as you compare your personal expectations with your actual marriage. • Allow equal expression of thoughts and feelings. • Exercise a realistic and an open mind as you and your spouse consider ways to make marriage more satisfying. Be realistic.

11. “Lacko Affectionitis” • Definition: • Lack of affection between you and your spouse. • Symptoms: • You must always have a special occasion to give your spouse a gift. • You have not sincerely said “I Love You” in at least 24 hours. • You seldom kiss your spouse “hello” or “goodbye” in public or private. • There is a decreasing use of verbal endearments between you and your spouse. • You seldom hold your spouse’s hand or display any similar physical affection in public.

12. “Lacko Affectionitis” • Advanced Stages: • You have never been “caught” kissing your spouse by your children. • You consider romance unrealistic. • Treatment: • Make one phone call per day to your spouse “just to talk.” • Experience one date per week. • Evenly apply verbal endearment and physical affection. • Exercise continuous use of the words “I Love You” • Plan to spend more meaningful moments together. (see “Companion Minuses”)

13. “Spouse Modificosis” • Definition: • Obsession with remaking your spouse. • Symptoms: • You feel uncomfortable with your spouse’s appearance, habits or personality. • You have a tendency to point out your spouse’s faults. • You have not sincerely complimented your spouse recently (24-48 hours). • You tend to avoid introducing your spouse to friends.

14. “Spouse Modificosis” • Advanced Stages: • Increasing desire to make biting comments to and about your spouse. • As a result of your discomfort with your spouse, you spend less time together. (see: Companion MInusis). • Treatment: • Privately determine why your spouse’s traits are causing you irritation. NOTE: Don’t be too Critical of your spouse’s faults…it may have been those very faults that kept him/her from getting a better mate. • Consider how your behavior could be modified to bring out the best in your partner. • Discuss your problem with your spouse, evenly applying love and support. • Mix well with suggestions of how you can work together to become your “best selves.” • Exercise patience, acceptance, and understanding.

15. “Spouse Modificosis” • CAUTION: Do not attempt to change your spouse. You married your spouse because you liked them the way they were. Trying to change your spouse will backfire.

16. “Non Directionalicosis” • Definition: • Deficiency of goals in you marriage. • Symptoms: • Lack of direction in daily activities…your marriage seems to be going nowhere. • An increasing restless feeling between you and your spouse. • You have not discussed the future with your spouse in two months. • You experience an increasing desire to turn back the clock and have things as they were. • You sense a realization that you have not accomplished the goals you set when first married. • You and your spouse have not jointly set goals for your marriage.

17. “Non Directionalicosis” • Advanced Stages: • You feel a sense of fear when you think about your children going out on their own and leaving you alone with your spouse. • There is a feeling of failure and despondency between you and your spouse. • Treatment: • Together, set specific, attainable goals for your marriage. • Strive to have daily, as well as long-term, activities which will help you both achieve your goals. • Exercise consideration and mutual support.

18. “Non Directionalicosis” • CATUTION: • DO NOT OVERPLAN. This too can be hazardous to the health of your marriage.

19. “Companion Minusis” • Definition: • Deficiency in time spent with spouse. • Symptoms: • You are usually too busy to sit down and talk with you spouse. • You are not aware of the current interests of your spouse. • The two of you have not gone on a “date” in at least a month. • You are only together when you are with children, family or friends. • You only participate together in activities which involve family management and/or problems.

20. Companion Minusis • Advanced Stages: • You and your spouse have not had a half-hour of uninterrupted companionship in two weeks. • You have not seen you spouse during waking hours in over a week. • Treatment: • Conduct one planning session per week with your spouse to systematically schedule the time you will spend together. • Schedule at least one date per week…NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

21. Divorce Bug • Good luck keeping your marriage free of my viruses. • Please, please, please follow the treatment plans for these infectious diseases. My wife and I would like to take that Caribbean Cruise we have been planning sometime soon!