The 12 Warning signs of “Writeritis”

1. The 12 Warning signs of “Writeritis” A Self-Administered Test for the Federal Criminal Practice Seminar Cincinnati, Ohio November 2006 Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

2. What is “Writeritis” ? Writeritis is a severely distorted notion of what is or is not “good” writing. The chief cause of “writeritis” is attending law school. To determine whether you suffer from this occupationally debilitating illness, ask yourself whether you agree with any of the following 12 statements. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

3. Warning Sign #1 I enjoy reading West Headnotes-- I even talk to my family that way! Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

4. Complexity + Precision Clarity + Impatience VS Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

5. Warning Sign #2 My apartment lease was fascinating! Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

6. Real Sentences: 1) Contain one thought 2) Should be less than 20 words . . . and have seven word clauses 3) Are short when they are important or the reader needs a break 4) Don’t contain excess words or jargon 5) Don’t have big gaps between subjects and verbs Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

7. Warning Sign #3 If I scream loud enough, everybody will understand. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

8. Tone 1) Stridency is not a substitute for logic 2) Tone can distract from content 3) A dramatic shift in tone is especially distracting 4) The best tone for federal courts: Confident and fairly formal. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

9. Warning Sign #4 If I don’t know whether I have a complete sentence; I keep attaching phrases with semicolons; until I am sure that I have at least one verb; or I reach the end of the page. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

10. Semicolons may be used: • To join two closely related independent clauses • e.g. “It’s not just Kelly; everyone from Ohio is like that.” • To join lists which contain commas • e.g. “The flags were red, white and blue; and green, orange and white.” • At the end of numbered listings Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

11. Punctuating Quotations • Semicolons and colons “are placed outside quotation marks”; commas and periods are placed inside quotation marks.” • Question marks and exclamation points are placed inside when they are part of the quote. Otherwise, they go outside. • For example: • e.g. “The Court inquired: “Does the United States concede that the agency’s conduct was ‘arbitrary and capricious’?” • On second thought, don’t use exclamation points at all!! Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

12. Warning Sign #5 A few funny statements in my pleading will lighten up the judge. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

13. Humor, sarcasm,etc . . . • Humor almost never comes across in a pleading • Chances are you will be taken seriously. Much of humor is sight and sound. • Humor often distracts from your point • Sarcasm is NEVER appropriate: it sounds personally bitter -- and doesn’t translate well into writing. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

14. Warning Sign #6 If I underline everything, the judge will see how important my statements are! Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

15. Emphasis 1) Careful and parsimonious use of underlining and italics is OK. 2) Bury your trash in the middle of paragraphs. 3) Parenthesis downplay facts • Dashes emphasize facts • Use passive voice to avoid emphasis Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

16. The Sleep Aid: Block Quotes In Flintstone v. United States, the Supreme Court recognized that dinosaurs are very large: Historically speaking, large reptiles, commonly referred to as “dinosaurs” once roamed the earth. Typified by enormous size and incredible stupidity, they inhabited toy stores for eons. Id. at 486. And so you see, dinosaurs are very large. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

17. Warning Sign #7 I break into a cold sweat when one of my paragraphs is much shorter than the others. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

18. Paragraphs 1) Should vary in length. Use short ones for emphasis and to ease reader fatigue. 2) Should contain one idea each - i.e. one step in the reasoning process. (visual cues) 3) Should incorporate the principles of primacy and recency. • Help the judge who goes back through • Should use terms consistently Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

19. Warning Sign #8 A snazzy heading for the third section of my brief is “III”. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

20. Headings 1) Should be no more than one line e.g. “Plaintiff was not Seized” or “The Fairbanks exception does not apply” 2) Are necessary in any pleading of more than a few pages. 3) Substitute for difficult transition paragraphs 4) Remind the reader of how your arguments relate to the issues (“The third element”) Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

21. Headings Continued . . . 4) Should use traditional outline form (“I.” The “A.” then “1.” then “a.” then (1.) then (a.)) 5) Are difficult to choose only when your pleading is out of a logical order 6) Should be in the same typeface and grammatically consistent at each level 7) Should be independent of the text 8) Help those who go back through 9) “The phone ring principle” Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

22. Order of Presentation • Provide context BEFORE factual details. • Readers absorb information best if they understand its significance before they see it. • A reader asks: What am I looking for? What should I be thinking about? What do I already know? Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

23. Warning Sign #9 By placing a full case citation in the middle of my sentence, I make sure that the judge sees that there is authority for my position. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

24. Citations • A useless string cite for a well-known principle does not make up for a lack of authority on a narrow point. • Don’t bundle the cites so the court must guess which stands for which principle • Citations should especially be avoided in the first sentence of any paragraph. • Belong in footnotes? Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

25. Warning Sign #10 If I don’t have any authority, I say that my assertion is “axiomatic.” Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

26. Warning Sign #11 If I put pictures in my pleading, the judge will think I’ve produced a coloring book. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

27. Pictures, charts, diagrams etc. . • Save an enormous amount of explaining • Are referred to repeatedly as things are explained (the box-picture principle) • Simplify the complex • Human beings obtain most information visually • Should include appropriate disclaimers like “not to scale” Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

28. Date Rx Filled Insurance Company The Signature Log Rx Control Numbers Patient Signature Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

29. Warning Sign #12 If I use parallel structure, I’ll sound like I’m Dr. Seuss. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

30. Parallel Structure is: Repeating a phrase or pattern to show that it is in the same nature as the previous phrase. The principle can be seen in music and poetry. Compare: “He came, he saw, he conquered” with “After he came, he saw and then conquered” Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

31. Examples of Parallel Structure A) “The Plaintiff did not cry for help. He did not call the police. He did not seek medical treatment.” B) “Truth is important. Honesty is important. Ending your lecture on time is important.” Federal Criminal Practice Seminar

32. A Severe Case: Surely the judge knows the difference between bad writing and a bad argument. Federal Criminal Practice Seminar