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Gender & Family Communication. Communication Is More Than “JUST TALKING”. Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say. COMMUN- I -CATION. COMM- U -NICATION.
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Communication Is More Than “JUST TALKING” Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say. COMMUN-I-CATION COMM-U-NICATION
The Three V’s Of Communication Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say. 1 2 3 VERBALS VOCALS VISUALS “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.”
“Just Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say” Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say. What he wants to get across What he actually says What she actually hears What she thinks she heard What she says she heard What he thinks about what she said she heard
Cross-Gender Communication: Venus and Mars? RAPPORT CONNECTIONS INTERDEPENDENT EXPRESSERS EXPANDERS FEELINGS FOCUS REPORT STATUS INDEPENDENT RESOLVERS CONDENSERS FACTS FOCUS
OUTCOMES & GOALS Understanding Man-Talk Issues: “Men Don’t Listen” “Men Don’t Talk” “Men Don’t Express Their Feelings” • We Socialize Boys To Focus On • Outcomes and Goals: • Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable Rules • Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Need Help • Boys/Men Build and Fix Things
Men learn that problems are expressed ONLY when you can’t solve them yourself. Men DO talk. In fact, they talk more than women do. It’s how and when they talk that’s different. Men learn not to express the “weakness” emotions publicly: fear, sadness, stress, sensitivity. OUTCOMES & GOALS Understanding Man-Talk Issues: “Men Don’t Listen” “Men Don’t Talk” “Men Don’t Express Their Feelings” He hears a NEED and offers a SOLUTION! He reserves his talking for when he has figured things out and “knows” he’s right. Men have caveman moments and should let their partners know: “I’ll be back”.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP Understanding Woman-Talk Issues: “Women Want To Control Men” “Women Talk Too Much” “Women Are Too Emotional” • We Socialize Girls To Focus On • “The Process” and Relationships: • Girls/Women Nurture and Care For Things • Girls/Women Learn That Strong Interactions and Relationships Are The Key To Problem Solving • Girls/Women Play Games In Which The Big Picture Is More Important Than The Details.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP Understanding Woman-Talk Issues: “Women Want To Control Men” “Women Talk Too Much” “Women Are Too Emotional” Some “criticism” is about nurturing and trying to make men “be better”, “do better”, “feel better”. She is trying to communicate concern, interest, and ownership to equals He hears a lack of faith in his ability and lack of acceptance of him. When nurturing becomes nagging.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP Understanding Woman-Talk Issues: “Women Want To Control Men” “Women Talk Too Much” “Women Are Too Emotional” When she’s stressed, she wants to talk about it Her answers come by talking them out, not thinking them out. Women are expanders and men are condensers. This requires men to listen and not just hear. Listening takes practice. We all think 5 times faster than we talk. Dangers? Running ahead, wandering off, jumping in, brushing away, and blocking out
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP Understanding Woman-Talk Issues: “Women Want To Control Men” “Women Talk Too Much” “Women Are Too Emotional” Because women are encouraged to see things in broad strokes and big pictures, they also talk in superlatives, metaphors, and overgeneralizations. He believes she’s really experiencing this level of hopelessness. Precision in questions asked and statements made. Gunnysacking. Differences In Frame Of Reference “Anything” “Always” “Never” “No One” “Everything” “Everyone” “Nothing” “Every time”
Vocal Differences In Men-Talk & Women-Talk Inflections Use Of High-Rising Tones In Declarative Statements Tag Questions Questions Added To The End Of Declarative Statements Discourse Particles Segmentation Markers and Hesitation Markers Shift Mechanisms Conjunctions (“However”) and Interjections (“Listen”) Hedge Words (e.g., “maybe”, “perhaps” “sort of”) Politeness And Rapport Markers (e.g., “Would you mind?”)
