Child Sexual Abuse: The Abused and the Abuser

1. Child Sexual Abuse: The Abused and the Abuser Jodi Stiegelmeyer Human Sexuality

2. Objective • The purpose of this presentation is to provide valuable information to students planning to work with abused children and/or their abusers.

3. Words of Caution What is Child Sexual Abuse? General Statistics Who Are the Victims? Who Are the Offenders? Feelings of an Offender How is the Victim Affected? The Family of the Victim How Does the Victim Recover? Signs of Abuse Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Offenders Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Child Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Child’s Family Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Community/Society How to Treat the Offender Jessica’s Experience - Age 4 How to Protect Our Children What This Means Topics of Discussion

4. Words of Caution • Most of the resources I read for this report made a point to recognize disputes among what is known about child sexual abuse. They stated that discrepancies exist as to statistics because of the large numbers of cases that are believed to go unreported each year. Because of this, many statisticians attempt to make conservative estimates. Furthermore, the definition of child sexual abuse causes controversy due to cultural and societal differences. Please keep this in mind.

5. What is Child Sexual Abuse? • “Sexual abuse takes place any time a person is tricked, trapped, forced or bribed into a sexual act. It most often involves unwanted touching of the victim” (Daugherty, p.11). • It is encompassed by a range of actions from exposure of the adult’s genitals to vaginal or anal intercourse (Walker, Bonner, & Kaufman, 1988). • It includes incest, sexual assault, rape, sexual molestation, and sexual victimization of a minor who is unwilling or is developmentally unable to resist by an adult or another minor who is much older than the victim (Tower, 1988). • “Child sexual abuse refers to the use of a child (defined as any person under the age of 16) by an adult for sexual purposes whether or not consent is alleged to have been given. It includes: acts of exposure; sexual touching; oral, anal, or vaginal penetration; and the exposing of a child to, or involving a child in, pornography or prostitution (CASAT, 1997).

6. General Statistics • As many as 1 out of 4 children have been victims of sexual abuse by age 18 (Daugherty, 1984). • It is estimated that 1 in 3 girls have been sexually abused by age 18 and 1 in 4 by age 14 (Hopper, 1997). • Approximately 1 in 6 boys have been victims of sexual abuse by age 16 (Verducci, 1998). • The most common age at the time of the first encounter is 9 (Daugherty, 1984). • 85% of the offenders are known to the victim such as a family member, babysitter, neighbor, family friend, uncle or cousin (WWLIA, 1996). • Child Protection workers conservatively estimate that 1 in every 100 males are child molesters (Crewsdon, 1988). • An estimated 2-5 hundred thousand females aged 4-13 fall victim to sexual abuse annually (Sanford, 1980). • In 50% of reported cases, the child will be victimized in his/her own home or in the home of the offender (Sanford, 1980).

7. Who Are the Victims? • Early studies into child sexual abuse characterized the child as a willing participant rather than a victim of the sexual act. It was believed that the children acted seductively and encouraged the attack by going along with whatever the adult suggested, by allowing the acts to take place over a period of time, and by failing to report the offender to authorities. However, researchers now believe that “children are not capable of true consent to sexual relations because their level of cognitive and emotional functioning is far too immature” (Gomes-Schwartz, Horowitz, & Cardarelli, p.17). It is also believed that many children become victims of sexual abuse because of inadequate parenting and an isolated social environment; in other words, they are looking for attention and find it in the wrong place (1990).

8. Who Are the Victims? • 92% of incest victims are females. • The age of victims ranges from only a few months to the late teenage years. • The ratio of male to female victims of child sexual abuse is approximately 1:2. • The LAPD describes boy victims as 8-17 years old, underachievers, usually no record of homosexual acts or delinquency, physically underdeveloped lacking secondary sex characteristics, from a low income family, having absent parents either physically or psychologically, lacking strong religious or moral affiliations, showing poor sociological development but having a warm personality. • --------- Geiser, 1979

9. Who Are the Offenders? • 97% of reported child molesters are male. • It is estimated that for every 2-3 hundred males prosecuted for child sexual abuse, 1 female is prosecuted. • Offenders tend to be young (usually at least 10 years older than the victim). Most commit their first offense by age 30. • Approximately 75% of offenders are familiar to the victims (i.e., family friends, neighbors, babysitters, teachers, etc.) • Many offenders were victims of child sexual abuse themselves. • ----- Sanford, 1980

10. Who Are the Offenders? • Even with the previous profile, we must keep in mind that there are always exceptions to the rule. One cannot protect their children by only looking for people who fit these descriptions. “Except for the fact that they like to have sex with children, child abusers look and act pretty much like everybody else” (p.55). They are usually men and women with jobs, friends, and are respected in the community. They are rich and poor, educated and uneducated, mothers and fathers, failed and successful, black and white. Even some of those paid to put offenders behind bars such as judges, police officers, social workers, and lawyers have been convicted of child molestation. Not even ministers in the church are free from such charges. So if we rely on statistics to protect our children, they are sure to become victims of this wretched crime. • -----Crewdson, 1988

11. Feelings of an Offender • “I was with my mother and sister in an amusement park. I wanted to go swimming in the gym, but I had to get my name on the member list. When I was allowed in the pool it was being emptied.” • -----Bell & Hall, p.135 • The dream described here by an offender named Norman exemplifies the feelings of isolation felt by many child sexual offenders. They feel alone and helpless, different from everyone else.

12. How is the victim affected? • Victims of child sexual abuse have been characterized by withdrawal, passivity, depression, and apathy. • Child abuse can affect socialization, education, and all aspects of normal child development. • They may experience an increase in aggressiveness and juvenile delinquency. • Adult criminal activity can be linked to child sexual abuse. • Many sexually abused children undergo brain damage, learning disabilities, growth retardation as well as failure to thrive, and secondary retardation. • A child can be permanently disfigured and handicapped due to sexual abuse. • In the worst case scenario, sexual abuse can lead to the death of the child. • These effects can impact the victim even in adulthood as far as disturbed interpersonal relationships, predisposition to emotional disturbance, and increased potential for abusing his or her own children. • ---Walker, Bonner, & Kaufman, 1988

13. How is the victim affected? • The degree to which a child is impacted depends upon several variables: • The relationship between the victim and the offender - the more a child trusts and loves the offender, the more traumatic the event becomes. • The duration of the sexual abuse - “Children who have had to live with regular sexual abuse are more impacted, as their survival becomes connected with the abuse” (p.140). • The type of sex play involved in the molestation - acts that cause physical injury such as sodomy and penetration are more traumatic to a child. • The child’s age and developmental level - younger children may not understand that what the offender did to them was harmful. • The reaction of the parents or other important people around the child - children need to know that their loved ones believe them and will reassure and protect them from further abuse. • -----Sanford, 1980

14. The Family of the Victim • The family of the victim is usually greatly impacted as well. Many emotions rage freely when the truth comes out, especially if the abuse was incest. Family members sometimes experience the same emotional aftereffects as the victim: confusion, fear, anger, shame or guilt. Parents tend to blame themselves for not being able to protect their innocent child. Anger at the offender is rampant within the family especially when they know him or her. Sometimes, the family goes as far as to blame the victim for the incident, which causes further trauma for the child. • Family members must be careful not to scare the child with their raw emotions because it can cause him/her to clam up; he/she may not want to cause the family any more heartache. This also can be harmful to the child; it is best for the victim to let the frustration out openly with loved ones. This problem can be furthered by family members who are too embarrassed to talk about it with the child. • It is not unheard of for another family member to have been a victim of child sexual abuse. The new occurrence can open the flood-gate of emotion and bring back the horrible memories. This can even cause their own problems with their past victimization to increase if they have not resolved the abuse they suffered. • Resolution is easier for the child if the family reassures him/her and tries to protect him/her from future abuse. Families should try to understand what the child is going through and allow the child to talk about the abuse when he or she wants to. It can also be helpful to both the child and the family if professional help is utilized, as in a counselor or minister. • -----Daugherty, 1984

15. How Does the Victim Recover? • Sometimes victims are able to begin recovery with the help of family and friends shortly after the incident occurs. However, others wait until adulthood to begin sorting through the issues. Whether young or old, the following concepts are the things that need to be sorted through by the victim. • The victim must first understand that what happened to him or her was in no way his or her fault. • The victim must come to see him/herself as a valuable human being. The self-esteem must be increased. • The victim must learn to trust again; otherwise, he or she will lead a very lonely life. • The victim must force him/herself to participate in social activities in order to feel comfortable around others. • The victim must eventually come to realize that sex is not dirty; it is a wonderful thing to be shared with someone you love. • The victim must take control over his or her environment, realizing that he or she can take responsibility for him/herself. • The victim must learn to express his or her anger so that it is not bottled up inside. • The victim may need to seek professional counseling in order to be coached through these steps. • ----- Daugherty, 1984

16. Since many children feel that the abuse is their fault, they are reluctant to tell anyone about it. Instead adults such as parents, family members, teachers, and social workers must be able to recognize the following signs of abuse in children (Cain, 1996). Signs of Abuse

17. Other Signs of Abuse • Children who have experienced sexual abuse often exhibit more specific symptoms: • Copying adult sexual behavior • Persistent sexual play with other children, themselves, toys, or pets • Displaying sexual knowledge, through language or behavior, that is beyond what is normal for their age • Unexplained pain, swelling, bleeding or irritation of the mouth, genital or anal area; urinary infections; sexually transmitted diseases • Hints, indirect comments or statements about the abuse • -----Sexual Assault Crisis Center, 1998

18. Other Signs of Abuse • Some symptoms do not appear until later in life: • Blocking out some period of early years, or a person, place, or event (indicates serious trauma) • Night terrors (indicate serious trauma) • Alienation from body (indicates battering or incest) • Intolerance to being touched (indicates battering or incest) • Self-injuring behavior (highly associated with incest) • A history of sexually acting out, promiscuity, or inhibited sexual desire (highly associated with incest) • Difficulty with water hitting the face (specific to incest) • Desire to change name (specific to incest) • Gag reflex (specific to incest) • Inappropriate clothing (too much for season, much high-necked clothing, baggy clothing) (specific to incest) • Discomfort using public bathrooms (specific to incest) • A pattern of relationships with older or more powerful partners, or (in adolescence) much older teenagers or adults (highly associated with incest) • -----Blume, p.270

19. Risk Factors Male Sexual attraction toward children Lack of empathic concern for children Cognitions or fantasies supporting sexual contact with children Poor impulse control Narcissistic identification with children Use of alcohol/drugs to lower inhibitions History of abuse or betrayal Feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, vulnerability, dependency Poor interpersonal (especially heterosocial) skills High stress (e.g., unemployment) Need for power and control Protective Factors If past history of abuse, has awareness of Child Sexual Abuse History of a positive relationship with a good parental role model Good interpersonal skills Respect for children Empathy for, sensitivity to others Good decision-making skills High self-esteem Social support Good coping abilities ---Wurtele & Miller-Perrin, p.48 Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Offenders

20. Risk Factors Lack of knowledge of appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior High need for attention or affection Overly trusting Low self-esteem, self-confidence Isolated Emotionally neglected Passive, unassertive Taught to be obedient Poor decision-making or problem-solving skills Protective Factors Knowledgeable about appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior Assertive High self-esteem, self-competence Have support persons Good problem-solving, decision-making skills ---Wurtele & Miller-Perrin, p.48 Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Child

21. Risk Factors Emotional neglect of children Inappropriate expectations regarding child’s responsibilities (e.g., role reversal) Inefficient or sporadic supervision Marital discord Characterized by secretiveness, poor communication Over- or under-sexualized home Lack of privacy; household crowding Situations in which offenders have access to victims Power imbalance in marital dyad Self-protective behavior not modeled by parents Inappropriately close or distant parent-child boundaries Stressors in family (unemployment) Socially or geographically isolated home Father substitute present History of abuse in either parent Exploitation of children to meet adults’ needs Absence of natural parents Protective Factors Low stress Good social supports Economic security Supportive parents Age-appropriate sexual knowledge Efficient supervision Open climate; good communication patterns Child’s sexual development promoted Child’s self-esteem promoted Importance of personal safety stressed in home Respect for each other’s privacy by adults and children Affectionate parent-child relationship Positive male/female relationships (mutual, symmetrical) Effective problem-solving modeled by adults Positive sense of self modeled by adults Appropriate boundaries between adults and children ---Wurtele & Miller-Perrin, p.48 Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Child’s Family

22. Risk Factors View of children as possessions Cultural acceptance for deriving sexual satisfaction from children Easy access to victims Easy access to child pornography Portrayal of children as sexual beings in media and advertising Reluctance of legal system to prosecute and punish offenders Sexually restrictive culture Lack of community support for families Strong masculine sexualization (dominance, power in sexual relationships) Patriarchal-authoritarian subcultures Belief that children should always obey adults Few opportunities for male/child nurturant interchanges that contain no sexual component Lack of sexuality education in educational system Devaluation of children Community denial of the child sexual abuse problem Protective Factors Culture opposed to deriving sexual satisfaction from children Quick prosecution and consistent punishment of offenders by legal system Cultural emphasis on equality between males and females Provision of sexuality education for children Community support for families Children highly valued Low tolerance for sexually coercive behaviors Community awareness of the child sexual abuse problem and efforts devoted to its prevention Research programs designed to further our understanding of child sexual abuse and how to prevent it ---Wurtele & Miller-Perrin, p.49 Possible Risk and Protective Factors - Community/Society

23. How to Treat the Offender • Treatment should: • Teach the offender to weigh the consequences rather than acting impulsively • Help to increase self-esteem so that the offender will self monitor • Help the offender to understand his/her feeling as well as the feelings of the potential victim • Teach the offender to differentiate between sex and affection so as not to cross inappropriate boundaries • Teach the offender how to relate with age-mates • Teach the offender how to properly communicate feelings • Recondition arousal and teach delay of satisfaction • Teach offense chain intervention so he/she can learn prevention techniques • Teach offense cycle intervention for the same reason • Teach problem-solving so that the offender can cope with feelings • -----Steen, 1995.

24. Jessica’s Experience - Age 4 • “My brother Danny did it. He did it in the shed. He tried to put his thing in me. He hurt me. He hurt me where I go to the bathroom. He said he’s give me the Smurf hat if I went in the shed, but he never did. He lied to me. He did bad things. He did them that day and he did them another day. He told me not to tell. I didn’t tell anybody. I just told my friend. Her mother told then. They took me to live with somebody else. I like it there. They have lots of swings, but I miss my mommy. Do you think my mommy still loves me? I don’t think so. She said Danny didn’t do that, but he did. My mommy doesn’t like me anymore. I miss my mommy.” • ---Daugherty, p.50

25. How to Protect Our Children • The most important step in protecting our children from this kind of horror is education. One victim stated it this way: • “If there were some knowledge as a child, nine, ten years old, that fathers were not like that, were not sexual with their daughters...I was ignorant, and I did not know whether fathers were really like that or not. And if I could have gotten some information when I was younger, I think that would have helped.” • ---Herman, p.203

26. How to Protect Our Children • Make the public more aware of the problem of child sexual abuse. • Protect your own children from sexually abusive situations (see next slide). • Teach your own children how to avoid becoming victims of child sexual abuse. • Encourage parents and schools to teach children how to avoid sexual abuse. • Encourage the reporting of child sexual abuse to authorities. • Encourage the enforcement of laws protecting children form child sexual abuse. • Encourage support of treatment programs for victims of sexual abuse and for sexual abusers. • ---Daugherty, p.93

27. How to Protect Our Children • Avoid scare tactics. Explain that most adults would never do anything to hurt a child; those who prey on children are the exception. • Teach your child basic sex education, i.e. The areas of the body covered by a bathing suit are private. Molesters admit that a child’s innocent curiosity and/or ignorance make that child easier to abuse. • Establish that sexual advances from adults are against the law. This gives children the confidence to assert themselves with adults who seek to abuse them. • Do not instruct children to ‘Give Uncle Jimmy a kiss’ or ‘Give Aunt Susan a hug.’ Allow children to express affection on their own terms. • Develop strong communication skills with your children. Explain the importance of reporting abuse to you or another trusted adult. • Stress that there should be no secrets from you, especially those involving another adult. • Make a commitment to spend more time with your child; the lonely and attention-starved child is an easy target. • Instruct children never to go with or get in a car with anyone, unless you have given them direct permission. • Encourage children to assess situations critically and to recognize and follow their instincts. • Make your child familiar with the common lures used by child molesters and abductors. • --- Child Lures, 1997

28. What This Means • Child sexual abuse is a real and serious problem. It is complex and difficult to deal with properly. However, each of us knows potential victims and potential offenders. With the knowledge gained in this presentation, we each hold the tools for dealing with, as well as preventing, such a life-destroying crisis. We must not be afraid to use them!

30. References • Bell, A.P., & Hall, C.S. (1971). The personality of a child molester: An analysis of dreams. Chicago: Aldine-Atherton, Inc. • Blume, E.S. (1990). Secret survivors: Uncovering incest and its aftereffects in women. New York: John Wiley and Sons. • Cain, L. (1996). Child sexual abuse. Available: www.commnet.edu/QVCTC/student/LindaCain/sexabuse.html • Central Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment (CASAT). (1997). When a child or youth is sexually abused: A guide for youth, parents, and caregivers. Available: HTTP://www.casat.on.ca/handindx.htm • Child Lures, Ltd. (1997). Tips for keeping your children safe. Available:http://www.childlures.com/home/frindex.html • Crewdson, J. (1988). By silence betrayed: Sexual abuse of children in America. New York: Harper & Row Publishers. • Daugherty, L.B. (1984). Why me?: A help for victims of child sexual abuse (even if they are adults now). Wisconsin: Mother Courage Press.

31. References (continued) • Elliot, M. (Ed.). (1993). Female sexual abuse of children. New York: Guilford Press. • Geiser, R.L. (1979). Hidden victims: The sexual abuse of children. Boston: Beacon Press. • Gomes-Schwartz, B., Horowitz, J.M., & Cardarelli, A.P. (1990). Child sexual abuse: The initial effects. London: Sage Publications. • Herman, J.L., & Hirschman, L. (1981). Father-daughter incest. Cambridge: Harvard University Press. • Hopper, J. (1997). Child abuse: Statistics, research, and resources. Available: HTTP://www.jimhopper.com/abstats • Sanford, L.T. (1980). The silent children: A parent’s guide to the prevention of child sexual abuse. New York: McGraw-Hill Book Co. • Sexual Assault Crisis Center. (1998). Child sexual abuse. Available: http://www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/sacc/childAbuse.html

32. References (continued) • Steen, C. (1995). Treating the denying sex offender. Available: http://www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/offender/treatingSO.html • Tower, C.C. (1988). Secret scars: A guide for survivors of child sexual abuse. New York: Viking. • Verducci, T. (1998). Man on a mission. Sports Illustrated, 88, 76-83. • Walker, C.E., Bonner, B.L., & Kaufman, K.L. (1988). The physically and sexually abused child. New York: Pergamon Press. • World Wide Legal Information Association (WWLIA). (1996). Child sexual abuse. Available: HTTP://wwlia.org/childsex.htm • Wurtele, S.K., & Miller-Perrin, C.L. (1992). Preventing child sexual abuse. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press.