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Elaboration Week 2

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.. OSPI Writing Instructional Support Materials Core Development Team. Nikki Elliott-Schuman

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Elaboration Week 2

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    1. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration—Week 2 OSPI High School Instructional Support Materials for Writing These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing. Version 2 Materials Highlighters - green, pink, yellow, orange Envelopes for listing vs. layering activity. Handouts (choices-listing.doc and choices- layering.doc) in the Document Folder Times on the agenda slides are approximate. The times were based on a two-hour class period and 20 instructional days. If class periods or number of days differs, times will need to be adjusted. In addition, if students need more time for on-demand writing, they should be given that time and subsequent lesson times adjusted accordingly. Materials Highlighters - green, pink, yellow, orange Envelopes for listing vs. layering activity. Handouts (choices-listing.doc and choices- layering.doc) in the Document Folder Times on the agenda slides are approximate. The times were based on a two-hour class period and 20 instructional days. If class periods or number of days differs, times will need to be adjusted. In addition, if students need more time for on-demand writing, they should be given that time and subsequent lesson times adjusted accordingly.

    2. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. The 4-Week High School Course contains instructional materials to support most of the GLE’s. The students are learning to use the process (EALR 1) and are looking at two purposes (explain and persuade), several audiences and forms (EALR 2). They are also working to evaluate their own and others’ writing (EALR 4). However, the focus of the course is on EALR 3 – writing clearly and effectively. This focus was chosen after analyzing papers of students who scored at Level 2. Specifically, these Grade Level Expectations for EALR 3 are 1) narrowing a topic, 2) organizing ideas, 3) elaborating ideas, 4) writing introductions and conclusions, and 5) editing for conventions. The 4-Week High School Course contains instructional materials to support most of the GLE’s. The students are learning to use the process (EALR 1) and are looking at two purposes (explain and persuade), several audiences and forms (EALR 2). They are also working to evaluate their own and others’ writing (EALR 4). However, the focus of the course is on EALR 3 – writing clearly and effectively. This focus was chosen after analyzing papers of students who scored at Level 2. Specifically, these Grade Level Expectations for EALR 3 are 1) narrowing a topic, 2) organizing ideas, 3) elaborating ideas, 4) writing introductions and conclusions, and 5) editing for conventions.

    3. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Purpose To share teaching strategies that will help students develop a piece of writing that elaborates on a single idea and addresses the needs and interests of a particular audience. Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing. When WASL papers were analyzed, elaboration was the most critical element for moving a 2 to a 3 and a 3 to the 4.When WASL papers were analyzed, elaboration was the most critical element for moving a 2 to a 3 and a 3 to the 4.

    4. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda—Day 1 Define elaboration Link to WASL Quick write Identify elaboration strategies anecdotes or scenarios examples definitions facts and statistics quotations descriptions Reflect Focus - elaboration strategies Times on the agenda slides are approximate. The times were based on a two-hour class period and 20 instructional days. If class periods or number of days differs, times will need to be adjusted. In addition, if students need more time for on-demand writing, they should be given that time and subsequent lesson times adjusted accordingly. Approximate times Definition (2 minutes) Link to WASL (3 minutes) Quick Write (10 minutes)--Students should write their quick writes in their writing notebooks. Lessons (1 hour and 35 minutes) Anecdotes (short, personal stories) or scenario Examples Definitions Facts and statistics Quotations Description Reflection (10 minutes)--Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks. Focus - elaboration strategies Times on the agenda slides are approximate. The times were based on a two-hour class period and 20 instructional days. If class periods or number of days differs, times will need to be adjusted. In addition, if students need more time for on-demand writing, they should be given that time and subsequent lesson times adjusted accordingly. Approximate times Definition (2 minutes) Link to WASL (3 minutes) Quick Write (10 minutes)--Students should write their quick writes in their writing notebooks. Lessons (1 hour and 35 minutes) Anecdotes (short, personal stories) or scenario Examples Definitions Facts and statistics Quotations Description Reflection (10 minutes)--Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks.

    5. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What is Elaboration?

    6. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition of Elaboration Elaboration means. . . To tell the reader more using Specific words Extensions (phrases, clauses) Onion-like layering of detail Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts. It has been very successful with groups of student to have them respond chorally. The teacher asks, “What does elaboration mean?” The students respond, “Tell me more.” The teacher then proceeds to tell them more.It has been very successful with groups of student to have them respond chorally. The teacher asks, “What does elaboration mean?” The students respond, “Tell me more.” The teacher then proceeds to tell them more.

    7. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration and the WASL The quality of elaboration is directly related to scores on the Content, Organization, and Style portion of the Writing WASL. The best writing has multiple layers of relevant elaboration. When WASL papers were analyzed, specific layered elaboration was the most critical element that differentiated between scores of “2” and “3” and scores of “3” and “4.” Thoughtful elaboration is guided by the needs of the audience. Top scoring WASL papers show clear audience awareness. Source: WASL scoring team, OSPI Standards Review Committee report You might want to go to the OSPI website (www.k12.wa.us) and download copies of “2” and “3” annotated papers to illustrate the need for specific, layered elaboration. You might want to go to the OSPI website (www.k12.wa.us) and download copies of “2” and “3” annotated papers to illustrate the need for specific, layered elaboration.

    8. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Quick Write Think about a time when someone wrote you a note that said, “There’s a new kid coming to our school tomorrow.” What kind of details would you want to know? What kind of details were left out? Why is having enough information important? Lesson 1 day 1 Quick write (10 minutes) Reminder Students should write rapidly, capturing anything that strikes them as being related to the suggested topic and organizing it as best as they can. Students should write their quick writes in their writing notebook and date it. Lesson 1 day 1 Quick write (10 minutes) Reminder Students should write rapidly, capturing anything that strikes them as being related to the suggested topic and organizing it as best as they can. Students should write their quick writes in their writing notebook and date it.

    9. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like. . . Anecdotes (15 minutes) slides 9-11 One effective way to elaborate is to use short narratives called anecdotes. Ask your students if they remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching. Most teachers do this. Ask them if their parents relate stories about “when they were young.” Anecdotes (15 minutes) slides 9-11 One effective way to elaborate is to use short narratives called anecdotes. Ask your students if they remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching. Most teachers do this. Ask them if their parents relate stories about “when they were young.”

    10. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with an anecdote. This is an example to share with students on inserting a personal experience into the essay.This is an example to share with students on inserting a personal experience into the essay.

    11. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Anecdotes - your turn Look at the paper you wrote last Tuesday (“Sport or Activity”); identify some stories you could use to weave into that essay. On your own paper, write a short anecdote that might work. Share this with your partner. Discuss the images in the anecdote that are vivid. Have the students use the “sports or activity ” paper they have written on before and follow the directions on the slide to write the anecdotes that would fit in and enhance the paper. For example “When I played football and got tackled, CRACK! The sound was almost as excruciating as the pain.” Have the students use the “sports or activity ” paper they have written on before and follow the directions on the slide to write the anecdotes that would fit in and enhance the paper. For example “When I played football and got tackled, CRACK! The sound was almost as excruciating as the pain.”

    12. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like. . . Examples (15 minutes) slides 12-14 Discuss how the examples develop specific ideas that expand the main idea.Examples (15 minutes) slides 12-14 Discuss how the examples develop specific ideas that expand the main idea.

    13. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with an example.

    14. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Examples - your turn Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas. Think about a situation at school and write two examples. Share them with your partner. How do the examples help explain? Examples I loved recess. We got to run outside and see our friends. For a few minutes we could play games such as dodge ball, hopscotch, and jump rope. I am always happy when I see my favorite foods on the lunch menu. Some of these include pizza, tater tots, and cookies. Examples I loved recess. We got to run outside and see our friends. For a few minutes we could play games such as dodge ball, hopscotch, and jump rope. I am always happy when I see my favorite foods on the lunch menu. Some of these include pizza, tater tots, and cookies.

    15. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? DEFINITIONS -- are a restatement of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell the reader what it means. Definition (15 minutes) slides 15-17 Tell the students Using definitions is another way to elaborate. Discuss how the definition clarifies the word A La Carte. Definition (15 minutes) slides 15-17 Tell the students Using definitions is another way to elaborate. Discuss how the definition clarifies the word A La Carte.

    16. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with a definition.

    17. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition - your turn Defining specific words shows an awareness of your audience--what they know and what they may not know. Talk to your partner about some of the “lingo” you hear at school. Write a definition of one word for your parents and then write a definition of that same word for a third grader. How did your definition change depending on the audience? Explain that “lingo” is slang that is unique to a certain group. For example, phat, awesome, sweet, are all words that refer to something great and wonderful. “Winning the lottery would be tubular (or sweet, or phat).” Explain that “lingo” is slang that is unique to a certain group. For example, phat, awesome, sweet, are all words that refer to something great and wonderful. “Winning the lottery would be tubular (or sweet, or phat).”

    18. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument. Statistics and facts (15 minutes) slides 18-20 You can also use facts and statistics to elaborate. Discuss how the facts provide support for the main point. Providing the number of students allowed to stay out late makes the parent rule seem unusual and unfair. When the parent uses the same strategy, it makes that point seem very reasonable.Statistics and facts (15 minutes) slides 18-20 You can also use facts and statistics to elaborate. Discuss how the facts provide support for the main point. Providing the number of students allowed to stay out late makes the parent rule seem unusual and unfair. When the parent uses the same strategy, it makes that point seem very reasonable.

    19. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with facts and statistics.

    20. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. STATISTICS and FACTS – your turn Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class. Think of what statistics would convince the audience. Share an idea with the whole group. Opportunity for practice. Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious statistics and information since the writers do not have an opportunity to conduct research (such as surveys or polls) to support their arguments. * It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented. Opportunity for practice. Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious statistics and information since the writers do not have an opportunity to conduct research (such as surveys or polls) to support their arguments. * It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented.

    21. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument. Quotation (15 minutes) slides 21-23 You can elaborate your ideas by quoting someone. The person could be an authority or anyone whose ideas support yours.Quotation (15 minutes) slides 21-23 You can elaborate your ideas by quoting someone. The person could be an authority or anyone whose ideas support yours.

    22. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with quotations. This is a model to share with students on developing ideas with quotations. Like statistics, students can be creative with their quotations. This is a model to share with students on developing ideas with quotations. Like statistics, students can be creative with their quotations.

    23. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. QUOTATION – your turn Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument. Tell your classmate what a world famous principal and author of The Best Schools for Kids might say about your school. Opportunity for practice Remind your students they can quote a family member or a friend. For example, my mother always said, “If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.” Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious quotations since the writers do not have an opportunity to research documented quotations to support their arguments. * It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented. Opportunity for practice Remind your students they can quote a family member or a friend. For example, my mother always said, “If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.” Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious quotations since the writers do not have an opportunity to research documented quotations to support their arguments. * It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented.

    24. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Quotations - your turn Talk to your partner about some possibilities of people you might quote regarding an issue at school. Take the statistic in your last example and turn it into a quotation. Share one example with the class. Example Student tardies have skyrocketed this past year. Even Mrs. Baker, the most relaxed teacher in the school, noted, ” My goodness! Now that I think about it, I have seen some tardies to first period this year.”Example Student tardies have skyrocketed this past year. Even Mrs. Baker, the most relaxed teacher in the school, noted, ” My goodness! Now that I think about it, I have seen some tardies to first period this year.”

    25. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? DESCRIPTIONS—are a way to create vivid images for the reader. Description (15 minutes) slides 25-27 Explain how you can use description to elaborate. One way is to use sensory images to create vivid pictures for you reader by appealing to the senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell. Description (15 minutes) slides 25-27 Explain how you can use description to elaborate. One way is to use sensory images to create vivid pictures for you reader by appealing to the senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell.

    26. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with description. Talk about the sensory appeal in this paragraph. The reader can see the yellow daffodils and green stems, feel the brittleness, and hear the snap of the dry stems.Talk about the sensory appeal in this paragraph. The reader can see the yellow daffodils and green stems, feel the brittleness, and hear the snap of the dry stems.

    27. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Description - your turn Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses. Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes your school’s cafeteria. Elaborate using sensory details. Example of a description of my son’s car When I opened the door of my son’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.Example of a description of my son’s car When I opened the door of my son’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.

    28. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection In your own words, define elaboration. Why is it important? What kind of changes will you make in your writing now that you have learned about elaboration? Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks. Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks.

    29. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda—Day 2 Review elaboration strategies Quick write Identify specific details vs. general language Show, don’t tell Reflect Focus for day 2 - concrete, specific language to elaborate and show, don’t tell Approximate times Review of elaboration strategies (10 minutes) Quick write (10 minutes) Identify specific details vs. general language (25 minutes) Show, don’t tell (65 minutes) Reflect (10 minutes) Handouts in the Document Folder - Elaboration Strategies Gr 10 Drama Elab Scoring Guide WASL Elab samples Focus for day 2 - concrete, specific language to elaborate and show, don’t tell Approximate times Review of elaboration strategies (10 minutes) Quick write (10 minutes) Identify specific details vs. general language (25 minutes) Show, don’t tell (65 minutes) Reflect (10 minutes) Handouts in the Document Folder - Elaboration Strategies Gr 10 Drama Elab Scoring Guide WASL Elab samples

    30. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? The main reason I love Halloween is the candy. Oh my gosh, it’s like heaven—even for big kids. What I’m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can. When I get to heaven, it will have all those kinds of candy. Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. You might not believe it but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it took me 12 days to polish it all off. There’s nothing better than candy if you’re a kid. Identifying elaboration strategies (10 minutes)slides 30-34. The next few slides model the kinds of strategies used in this paragraph. Students may need copies of this paragraph so they can see the entire piece at the same time. The handout is in the Document Folder titled Candy. Distribute copies of the Elaboration Strategies to students for reference. Allow students to identify elaboration strategies that they see. The next three slides will verify their answers. Identifying elaboration strategies (10 minutes)slides 30-34. The next few slides model the kinds of strategies used in this paragraph. Students may need copies of this paragraph so they can see the entire piece at the same time. The handout is in the Document Folder titled Candy. Distribute copies of the Elaboration Strategies to students for reference. Allow students to identify elaboration strategies that they see. The next three slides will verify their answers.

    31. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? What I’m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can. DEFINITION The writer is defining how getting candy on Halloween is like heaven. Look at the sentence before this one in the essay to see the connection. The writer is defining how getting candy on Halloween is like heaven. Look at the sentence before this one in the essay to see the connection.

    32. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. ANECDOTE The writer is including a short narrative story with personal experience to make his point about how he was going to get candy. The writer is including a short narrative story with personal experience to make his point about how he was going to get candy.

    33. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? You might not believe it, but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day, it took me 12 days to polish it all off. STATISTICS The writer is making up or remembering statistics that make his point about getting a large amount of candy. The writer is making up or remembering statistics that make his point about getting a large amount of candy.

    34. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration with a Partner The following paragraphs are also about Halloween. Working with your partner, use your Elaboration Strategies handout to help you highlight and label the strategies in each of these paragraphs. What kinds of elaboration do you find most effective in these paragraphs? What kinds are easy to recognize? Students will need copies of Halloween paragraphs in the Document Folder. Let your students know that these are 7th grade samples, and their examples will likely be more sophisticated. Harvest Anecdote (I remember when…) Example (For instance, I threw baseballs…) Costumes Definition (What I mean is…) Description (Red and pointed…) Anecdote (I remember one time…doors.) Dark Description (…running quickly between houses…) Example (For example, have you…) Anecdote (One time, when I was six… ) Corn Maze Description/scenario (Picture this -- rubber-gloved hands…wet your pants.) They will find the elaboration, identify the types used, and talk about what they find the most effective.Students will need copies of Halloween paragraphs in the Document Folder. Let your students know that these are 7th grade samples, and their examples will likely be more sophisticated. Harvest Anecdote (I remember when…) Example (For instance, I threw baseballs…) Costumes Definition (What I mean is…) Description (Red and pointed…) Anecdote (I remember one time…doors.) Dark Description (…running quickly between houses…) Example (For example, have you…) Anecdote (One time, when I was six… ) Corn Maze Description/scenario (Picture this -- rubber-gloved hands…wet your pants.) They will find the elaboration, identify the types used, and talk about what they find the most effective.

    35. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Quick Write “The difference between the best word and a good word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.” -Mark Twain What did you think Twain meant by this? Quick write (10 minutes) Students should write and date their quick writes in their writing notebooks. Quick write (10 minutes) Students should write and date their quick writes in their writing notebooks.

    36. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Words Are Like Rocks If you are able to get actual rocks, and even a piece of concrete, they create a solid visual for students.If you are able to get actual rocks, and even a piece of concrete, they create a solid visual for students.

    37. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Rocks are not as strong as CONCRETE. Help students understand the concept using this visual. For example, instead of saying “I ate a piece of fruit,” say “ I bit into a fuzzy, green kiwi.”Help students understand the concept using this visual. For example, instead of saying “I ate a piece of fruit,” say “ I bit into a fuzzy, green kiwi.”

    38. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Be specific. Your word choices do not have to be Big words, Fancy words, Words from a thesaurus, Single words, but can be phrases or clauses. Remember, to elaborate powerfully and effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC. Examples “green eyes” vs. “emerald eyes” “cheeseburger” vs. “Big Mac” vs. “Whopper” “In a stuffy room” vs. “In the room filled with smoke and becoming claustrophobic…”Examples “green eyes” vs. “emerald eyes” “cheeseburger” vs. “Big Mac” vs. “Whopper” “In a stuffy room” vs. “In the room filled with smoke and becoming claustrophobic…”

    39. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Explain the difference between these two sentences. Be specific. The room was a mess. Rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and a jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way into the room. Students should be able to recognize and tell why the second example is more explicit and creates a mental picture. Also, the verb “pushed” is much stronger than the to be verb “was” in the first sentence. Students should be able to recognize and tell why the second example is more explicit and creates a mental picture. Also, the verb “pushed” is much stronger than the to be verb “was” in the first sentence.

    40. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition of telling and showing Telling is the use of broad generalizations. Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics, examples, anecdotes, quotations, description – elaboration – to develop, persuade, explain, or to enliven a story. Read the definition to the students. Take out the elaboration strategies from the first day. Clarify any words they might not understand. Generate examples. Distribute WASL Elab samples from the Document Folder. Discuss how show, don’t tell can be used within a variety of strategies. Focus the discussion on the details that show. Read the definition to the students. Take out the elaboration strategies from the first day. Clarify any words they might not understand. Generate examples. Distribute WASL Elab samples from the Document Folder. Discuss how show, don’t tell can be used within a variety of strategies. Focus the discussion on the details that show.

    41. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Show with Description White shirts are dumb. White shirts are hard to clean, show pizza stains, and make you look like a waiter in a cheesy restaurant. Read slide. Discuss the elaboration in the second sentence. See if students could add different descriptive words or phrases to this sentence.Read slide. Discuss the elaboration in the second sentence. See if students could add different descriptive words or phrases to this sentence.

    42. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 1 There are many fascinating things to see at the Farmers’ Market, which has been around for a long time. This slide and the next three slides show different types of elaboration much like the elaboration you just discussed. There will be a variety of elaborative strategies, but one that will stand out. The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. In each case students should discuss and identify words that SHOW rather than tell. You may want to duplicate these slides so students can highlight the words working with partners. USE these four slides if your students are still having difficulty grasping the “show, don’t tell” concept. If they understand, skip ahead to slide 46 where they can practice for themselves. Vivid description is the main elaboration strategy used here to show the many fascinating things to see at the Farmers’ Market. Find the words that show that the market is fascinating.This slide and the next three slides show different types of elaboration much like the elaboration you just discussed. There will be a variety of elaborative strategies, but one that will stand out. The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. In each case students should discuss and identify words that SHOW rather than tell. You may want to duplicate these slides so students can highlight the words working with partners. USE these four slides if your students are still having difficulty grasping the “show, don’t tell” concept. If they understand, skip ahead to slide 46 where they can practice for themselves. Vivid description is the main elaboration strategy used here to show the many fascinating things to see at the Farmers’ Market. Find the words that show that the market is fascinating.

    43. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 2 The Beatles started a new trend in music in the mid-sixties. For many Americans the evening of February 9,1964, was a turning point in musical history. On this evening the Beatles made their debut in America on the Ed Sullivan television show. Kathi Anderson, then sixteen in Chicago, remembers, “My friends and I sat shaking and hugging each other on the couch in my living room as the Fab Four bounced out onto the stage. Their shaggy hair shook as they sang ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ and ‘She Loves You’ with an energy and sound we’d never heard before. We were instantly and forever in love.” That night the British Invasion, as it was called, began. The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence and is general. The anecdote (or personal story) tells us why this might have been a new trend. Discuss with students the words that show this might have become a new trend. The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence and is general. The anecdote (or personal story) tells us why this might have been a new trend. Discuss with students the words that show this might have become a new trend.

    44. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 3 The Seattle Sonics, led by Ray Allen, won Friday’s game. . The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence is a general sentence. The author uses statistics to show specifically how the Sonics won. Discuss with students the words that show how they won.The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence is a general sentence. The author uses statistics to show specifically how the Sonics won. Discuss with students the words that show how they won.

    45. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Manastash Field is a dangerous field. Manastash Soccer Field has caused more injuries to players than any other in the valley according to Tony Vela, the director of the North Valley Soccer Association. “The field is nothing more than sand and hard clay; clouds of dust explode into the air when players kick the ball. My players say it’s hard to see and breathe. When they fall, they end up with bloody shins.” Vela called upon the North Valley Parks Department to spend its money on fixing fields rather than on useless advertising. The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence which is a general statement. The author uses a quotation from an expert and vivid description to show in detail why the field is dangerous. Discuss with students the words that show that the field is dangerous.The italicized sentence is the topic (telling) sentence which is a general statement. The author uses a quotation from an expert and vivid description to show in detail why the field is dangerous. Discuss with students the words that show that the field is dangerous.

    46. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. General vs. Specific Specific vs. general elaboration With a partner, create several interesting, specific, detailed sentences to replace the general sentence on the left. Students may choose between good and bad. In the Document Folder there is a general vs. specific paper with examples from other students.Specific vs. general elaboration With a partner, create several interesting, specific, detailed sentences to replace the general sentence on the left. Students may choose between good and bad. In the Document Folder there is a general vs. specific paper with examples from other students.

    47. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Showing Sentences - your turn With a partner, write several sentences that show rather than tell. The pumpkin rolled down the hill. The man in the car was angry. You should have been at the concert. The blue car won the race. The pizza was delicious. Have students pick two of the sentences and write several sentences that show, rather than tell. The goal is to make the reader see, hear, feel, touch, or taste the experience. It’s ok to write multiple paragraphs. Each pair will read their sentences or paragraphs out loud to each other. Pick one you especially like to share with the class. For student discussion - How does this example vividly show what is happening? OPTIONAL An optional follow-up activity. Have students list as many pizza ingredients as they can on the overhead. Then, in groups of four, they write a well-elaborated description of the most disgusting pizza ever. Telling sentence - The pizza looked really gross. This activity was very well received by tenth graders.Have students pick two of the sentences and write several sentences that show, rather than tell. The goal is to make the reader see, hear, feel, touch, or taste the experience. It’s ok to write multiple paragraphs. Each pair will read their sentences or paragraphs out loud to each other. Pick one you especially like to share with the class. For student discussion - How does this example vividly show what is happening? OPTIONAL An optional follow-up activity. Have students list as many pizza ingredients as they can on the overhead. Then, in groups of four, they write a well-elaborated description of the most disgusting pizza ever. Telling sentence - The pizza looked really gross. This activity was very well received by tenth graders.

    48. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Showing Sentences Select a narrowed topic of your own. Write a telling sentence on that topic. Write a paragraph or two that shows your telling sentence. Share with a partner. This is an activity that students do individually. This should give you some idea of how well your students are able to select a narrow topic and show not tell. This is an activity that students do individually. This should give you some idea of how well your students are able to select a narrow topic and show not tell.

    49. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection If you had to explain today’s lesson to someone who could not attend class today and who also needs extra help, what would you tell them? Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks. Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks.

    50. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda—Day 3 Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide and score two papers Practice with elaboration Score for elaboration Reflect Focus for day 3 - additional practice writing precise sentences and elaborating Approximate times Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide (15 minutes) Practice with elaboration (60 minutes) Score for elaboration (35 minutes) Reflect (10) Elab Scoring Guide is found in the Document Folder. Focus for day 3 - additional practice writing precise sentences and elaborating Approximate times Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide (15 minutes) Practice with elaboration (60 minutes) Score for elaboration (35 minutes) Reflect (10) Elab Scoring Guide is found in the Document Folder.

    51. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. How to Score Elaboration Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Look at the examples on the following two slides and score them using the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Distribute Elab scoring guide from the Document Folder.Distribute Elab scoring guide from the Document Folder.

    52. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Have students score this example for elaboration using their scoring guides. Have students score this example for elaboration using their scoring guides.

    53. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Have students score this revision. When finished, distribute Gr 10 Drama so that students can see the annotations for the scoring.Have students score this revision. When finished, distribute Gr 10 Drama so that students can see the annotations for the scoring.

    54. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Write to a prompt.

    55. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Score your papers. Collect the papers and read to find out how well students narrowed and organized their topics as well as used elaboration.Collect the papers and read to find out how well students narrowed and organized their topics as well as used elaboration.

    56. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflect. After assessing your paper, what did you learn about your ability to elaborate? How was the scoring guide helpful? Be specific. What do you think you should work on next? Put this onto your goal form as well.

    57. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda– Day 4 Quick write Understand layering Identifying layering on the WASL Reflect Focus for Day 2 - Expansion of student understanding of elaboration and layering Approximate times Quick Write (10 minutes) Identify types of elaboration (30 minutes) Understand layering vs. listing (30 minutes) Identifying layering on the WASL (40 minutes) Reflection (10 minutes) Materials Multicolored highlighters Handouts are in the Document Folder - Elaboration Strategies WASL elab samples Focus for Day 2 - Expansion of student understanding of elaboration and layering Approximate times Quick Write (10 minutes) Identify types of elaboration (30 minutes) Understand layering vs. listing (30 minutes) Identifying layering on the WASL (40 minutes) Reflection (10 minutes) Materials Multicolored highlighters Handouts are in the Document Folder - Elaboration Strategies WASL elab samples

    58. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Quick Write Explain why you like candy or some other food. Elaborate. Use the Elaboration Strategies handout for ideas. When you are finished, highlight the elaboration strategies you used and identify them. Share the strategies you used with a partner. Quick Write (10 minutes) Remind students to Write as rapidly as they can, capturing anything that strikes them as being related to the suggested topic and organizing it as best as they can. Students should write and date their quick writes in their writing notebooks. Distribute handout of Elab Strategies (found in the Document Folder). Quick Write (10 minutes) Remind students to Write as rapidly as they can, capturing anything that strikes them as being related to the suggested topic and organizing it as best as they can. Students should write and date their quick writes in their writing notebooks. Distribute handout of Elab Strategies (found in the Document Folder).

    59. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering Elaboration A thoughtful writer. . . -Layers one sentence after another. -Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought …like rings around a bull’s-eye. Layering seems like each idea is carefully stacked on the next. . . like bricks in a wall or rings on a tall tree. Every sentence and detail fit with the rest of the topic like a set of nesting dolls. It might be helpful to students to discuss nesting dolls and how they represent one sentence added to another and another. If you actually have nesting dolls or boxes, the tangible example is also useful. Layering seems like each idea is carefully stacked on the next. . . like bricks in a wall or rings on a tall tree. Every sentence and detail fit with the rest of the topic like a set of nesting dolls. It might be helpful to students to discuss nesting dolls and how they represent one sentence added to another and another. If you actually have nesting dolls or boxes, the tangible example is also useful.

    60. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lists vs. Layers Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to make the paragraph longer. REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean quality elaboration. List-like example - Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school. I love nachos. I like the pizza at school. Sometimes I order salad when I am feeling full. I have some favorite vegetables. While listing can sometimes be an effective elaboration strategy, a less-skilled writer tends to confuse adding list-like information that does not develop the idea. Activity Part 1 - Duplicate the choices-listing.doc from the Document Folder. Cut the sentences into strips and place them into separate envelopes - one set of sentences per envelope. Pair students and give each pair an envelope. Have them find the topic sentence. (Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school.) Have students throw the rest of the sentence strips into the air and then place them in the order they land. Students share their results and can clearly see that the order of a list doesn’t matter. Part 2 - Duplicate the choices-layering.doc from the Document Folder. Cut the sentences into strips and place them into separate envelopes - one set of sentences per envelope. Pair students and give each pair an envelope. Have them find the topic sentence. (Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school.) Have students throw the rest of the sentence strips into the air and then place them in the order they land. Students share their results and can clearly see that the order of these sentences is important and these sentences can’t be placed in any order. Elaboration and internal transitions force the order of the sentences (cohesion). While listing can sometimes be an effective elaboration strategy, a less-skilled writer tends to confuse adding list-like information that does not develop the idea. Activity Part 1 - Duplicate the choices-listing.doc from the Document Folder. Cut the sentences into strips and place them into separate envelopes - one set of sentences per envelope. Pair students and give each pair an envelope. Have them find the topic sentence. (Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school.) Have students throw the rest of the sentence strips into the air and then place them in the order they land. Students share their results and can clearly see that the order of a list doesn’t matter. Part 2 - Duplicate the choices-layering.doc from the Document Folder. Cut the sentences into strips and place them into separate envelopes - one set of sentences per envelope. Pair students and give each pair an envelope. Have them find the topic sentence. (Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school.) Have students throw the rest of the sentence strips into the air and then place them in the order they land. Students share their results and can clearly see that the order of these sentences is important and these sentences can’t be placed in any order. Elaboration and internal transitions force the order of the sentences (cohesion).

    61. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering sounds like Having lots of food choices is the reason why I like my school’s lunchroom. I can select my favorite foods for lunch everyday. I sometimes pick cheesy nachos with the melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. If I don’t want anything that greasy, like nachos or pizza, I can choose a “made-for-me” salad. This means I get to choose what goes on it and my favorite veggies, including olives, peppers, and tomatoes. The best thing is I can pick a food that fits my attitude that day. This is an example of what layering elaboration looks like. Point out to students how each sentence builds on the previous one. For example, “nachos” builds on “favorite foods,” “greasy” builds on “melted cheese sauce,” and “favorite veggies” builds on “salad.” The order is important. Have students discuss the difference between this paragraph and the list-like paragraph on the previous slide.This is an example of what layering elaboration looks like. Point out to students how each sentence builds on the previous one. For example, “nachos” builds on “favorite foods,” “greasy” builds on “melted cheese sauce,” and “favorite veggies” builds on “salad.” The order is important. Have students discuss the difference between this paragraph and the list-like paragraph on the previous slide.

    62. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Another Layering Example Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50-mph feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in-and-out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind-chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again. Here is another example of layered elaboration. Point out to students how “ 50 mph,” “waist-high moguls,” and “weave in-and-out” all build on the rush. Here is another example of layered elaboration. Point out to students how “ 50 mph,” “waist-high moguls,” and “weave in-and-out” all build on the rush.

    63. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. More Practice with Layering On the WASL, students who had higher scores layered rather than listed their details. Look at the WASL examples and discuss in groups how listing is different from layering. Share with the large group. Distribute the Listing vs Layering document in the Document Folder. Remember…layering looks like sentences thoughtfully placed with the one main topic threaded through them purposely explaining with the needs of the audience in mind. Often layering answers question like “What else?” “Tell me more…” “Why?” “When and where?” In the layering papers, the first paper uses description. There is also a list of examples that build on the idea of participation (…way of participating. Stands are packed…Other students make banners…) The entire excerpt layers on the topic of putting the sports jersey in the time capsule. The second paper uses the definition strategy about the age of ignorance with examples. You weren’t required to understand… directly layers over the age of ignorance followed by the example of the car. The third paper layers the description of what the dream job would be like in this scenario. Distribute the Listing vs Layering document in the Document Folder. Remember…layering looks like sentences thoughtfully placed with the one main topic threaded through them purposely explaining with the needs of the audience in mind. Often layering answers question like “What else?” “Tell me more…” “Why?” “When and where?” In the layering papers, the first paper uses description. There is also a list of examples that build on the idea of participation (…way of participating. Stands are packed…Other students make banners…) The entire excerpt layers on the topic of putting the sports jersey in the time capsule. The second paper uses the definition strategy about the age of ignorance with examples. You weren’t required to understand… directly layers over the age of ignorance followed by the example of the car. The third paper layers the description of what the dream job would be like in this scenario.

    64. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering - your turn Choose one of the following two topics. Then write a paragraph practicing elaboration by layering each sentence and developing the main idea. 1. The parking lot at _______ High is where the real education takes place at school. 2. _______ is what I live for on the weekends. Students should write a layered paragraph.Students should write a layered paragraph.

    65. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Read for conventions. Basic spelling (including homonyms) Capitalization Punctuation Periods (run-togethers), apostrophes (possessives), commas, question marks especially in rhetorical questions Subject-verb agreement, particularly number agreement with “their” (pronoun referents and verb agreement) Complete sentences Paragraphing Conventions on your own personal list in your folder Read for conventions (10 minutes) Have students focus their reading by looking for the specific conventions listed on the slide. Read for conventions (10 minutes) Have students focus their reading by looking for the specific conventions listed on the slide.

    66. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection Look at the Quick Write you wrote at the beginning of this class today. What kinds of elaboration strategies did you use? Can you find evidence of layering? Underline a sentence that you could change in which you could add some layered details. Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebook. Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebook.

    67. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda -- Day 5 Write to a WASL expository prompt Read for conventions Compare with WASL Scoring Guides Reflect Approximate times Write to WASL expository prompt (60 min) Read for Conventions (10 min) Compare with Scoring Guide (40 min) Reflect (10 min) Materials Students will need handouts titled “Elaboration Scoring Guide” and “Elaboration Checklist” in the Document Folder.Approximate times Write to WASL expository prompt (60 min) Read for Conventions (10 min) Compare with Scoring Guide (40 min) Reflect (10 min) Materials Students will need handouts titled “Elaboration Scoring Guide” and “Elaboration Checklist” in the Document Folder.

    68. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Remember Use what you’ve already learned about choosing a topic narrowing the topic organizing your ideas checking for conventions

    69. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Remember Use what you’ve already learned about elaboration, showing vs. telling, layering, using specific details.

    70. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Write On Demand Write to this prompt. You have been asked to choose one or two items that will show what life is like in your high school in 2005. The one or two items will be placed in a time capsule, a container that will be assembled, buried, and then opened sometime in the future. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to your school board identifying the one or two items and explain why you have selected them. You may use a commercially published thesaurus and/or dictionary in print form. WASL expository prompt (60 min) For all on-demand writing, students should have as much time as they need. If they need the entire 2 hours, it is fine to move everything else to the next day and rework the schedule afterward. All on-demand writing should emulate a WASL situation which is normally a minimum of 2 hours. Scoring can be moved to Monday if necessary.WASL expository prompt (60 min) For all on-demand writing, students should have as much time as they need. If they need the entire 2 hours, it is fine to move everything else to the next day and rework the schedule afterward. All on-demand writing should emulate a WASL situation which is normally a minimum of 2 hours. Scoring can be moved to Monday if necessary.

    71. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Read for conventions. Basic spelling (including homonyms) Capitalization Punctuation Periods (run-togethers), apostrophes (possessives), commas, question marks especially in rhetorical questions Subject-verb agreement, particularly number agreement with “their” (pronoun referents and verb agreement) Complete sentences Paragraphing Conventions on your own personal list in your folder Read for conventions (10 minutes) Have students focus their reading by looking for the specific conventions listed on the slide. Read for conventions (10 minutes) Have students focus their reading by looking for the specific conventions listed on the slide.

    72. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Compare with WASL Scoring Guides. Review the WASL Scoring Guide and Expository Checklist. Write. What did you do well? What is still a challenge? Compare with Scoring Guide (40 min). Provide students with a chance to get familiar with the elaboration scoring guide and checklist.Compare with Scoring Guide (40 min). Provide students with a chance to get familiar with the elaboration scoring guide and checklist.

    73. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Compare with WASL Scoring Guides, continued Now have a partner identify and discuss What were the areas of strength? In what areas could the paper be stronger? On your own Score your own paper. What score did you earn, and why? Now students will apply the criteria of the scoring guides and checklists to their partner’s papers, then to their own paper. Now students will apply the criteria of the scoring guides and checklists to their partner’s papers, then to their own paper.

    74. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection Today you experienced writing in a testing situation. What different approaches to choosing, narrowing, and organizing a topic did you try? How have you improved? What kinds of elaboration did you try and what kinds do you still need to work on? Add these to your goal form. Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks. Folder alert - goal form is in the students’ folders. Reflection (10 minutes) Students should record and date their reflections in their writing notebooks. Folder alert - goal form is in the students’ folders.

    75. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Feedback, please We welcome your comments. Please feel free to try these lessons and send feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at nelliott@ospi.wednet.edu. We appreciate your labeling the subject line as Feedback: OSPI Instructional Support Materials. This slide is for you, the teacher, not students.This slide is for you, the teacher, not students.

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