Mothering After Domestic Violence:

1. Mothering After Domestic Violence: Hands-on Activities for Intervening with Abused Women As Mothers Alison Cunningham, M.A.(Crim.) Linda Baker, Ph.D., C.Psych. Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

2. Formerly the London Family Court Clinic opened 1974 clinical programs about 30 staff also research, training, resource development Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

3. World Conference 2008Edmonton

4. Agenda • Context for our work • Desconstructing Economic Abuse to inform parenting interventions • Customizing the Power & Control Wheel

5. Research(This will be quick and painless)

6. 73% of articles from 2000 or later

7. Little material addresses intervention

8. Overview of Research • adversity package • cumulative effect • complexity • continuum of aggression and abuse

9. 80% with “battered mother” had 1 or more other Adverse Childhood Experience

10. A Research Interlude

11. Parenting Support for Survivors • Engage by providing hope and a framework & narrative for her and her children’s experience • Describe impacts of abuse on mother-child relationships and mothering • Enhance understanding of her children -- developmental stages, potential impacts, roles, coping

12. Parenting Support for Survivors • Present guidelines for talking with children about abuse • Offer parenting strategies to help children thrive • Give permission for personal care

13. Deconstructing Economic Abuse (EA)to Inform Parenting Support

14. After this session, you will be better able to: • Identify new ways of using the P&C wheel to engage and support women • Describe ways to use this approach to inform interventions on parenting

16. Pros Widely used & recognized Useful to women Adaptable, flexible Conveys nonphysical abuse Cons Oversimplifies Not inclusive of all forms of control tactics risks a one-size fits all interpretation Power & Control Wheel

17. Our Approach • Deconstruct the slices • Why? It helps a woman to… • make links to her life • better understand complex concepts • make links to how children were affected • communicate her experience to others

18. Deconstructing Economic Abuse: • how it affected me then & now • how it affected my children then & now • parenting strategies to counter the effects

19. Case Study & Video Clip • What is the nature of the abuse? • What messages is the son learning?

20. Exercise 1: Checklist for Economic Abuse During Relationship. Exercise 78: Messages Children Learn from EA. Based on the case study & what you observed in the video, complete :

21. Given the abuse & messages you checked off, discuss: • What might be the effect on the mother-child relationships? • What might be the effect on mothering”?

22. To more fully answer the preceding questions, you need to unravel the impact of rationalizations on women and on children.

23. Go to Exercise 4:Rationalizations for EA • Review material • Link to case study and video:

24. Benefitsof Unraveling Impacts of rationalizations: • Financial realities of “now” create ‘faux legitimization’ of rationalizations from “then” • ‘Faux legitimization’ of rationalizations fuels their internalization

25. Benefitsof Unraveling Impacts of rationalizations: • Prevent their perpetuation with self and children • Recognize in future partners

26. . • Describe some parenting strategies/approaches this mother might use to help counter the effects of economic abuse.

27. Parenting Approaches Informed by Understanding the Effects of Economic Abuse and Its Rationalizations

28. Neutralize “emotions” related to money, e.g.s, • Divide allowance: contingent & unconditional portion • Set and communicate appropriate expectations • Supportively problem solve if child is unsuccessful

29. Neutralize “emotions” related to money, e.g.s, • Set and hold givens, while providing some choice • Keep the adult part of finances among adults

30. Teach building blocks for economic partnerships, e.g., • Engage children in family planning and decision making around spending set amount of money for “family fun” (e.g., pizza, video, swimming, ice cream in park)

31. Teach gender equality, e.g., • Use the same guidelines and rules for sons and daughters • Draw attention to female role models for financial competence

32. Teach financial skills, e.g., • Use talk aloud strategies to model financial skills and decision making • Comparison shop with children (e.g. grocery) • Encourage children to save a small amount of any money they receive

33. Model the use of money in a healthy way, e.g., • Plan and make a donation as a family • Involve children in gift buying

34. Take Home Message: • Acknowledging women’s experience is a safe way to engage her around parenting • Deconstructing abuse can help women make the link to how children were effected

35. Take Home Message: • Understanding this link creates ‘buy in’ and informs the development and application of compensatory parenting strategies • The combination of ‘buy in’, individualization, and realistic strategies, increase the chance for action

36. Break

37. Customizing the Power & Control Wheel to Inform Parenting

38. As a result of this session, you will be better able to: • Identify ways to customize the Power & Control Wheel with individual women • Describe activities using a customized wheel to counter the effects of abuse on the mother-child relationship and parenting

39. Our Approach • Customize the wheel • Select relevant pieces • Scale slice proportions • Add missing slices • Use to prioritize intervention with women • Link to children’s experiences • Inform parenting strategies to counter effects on children

41. Mary’s Wheels • First Mary drew the frequency of each type of abuse she experienced • Then Mary drew the degree of impact on her today of each type of abuse she experienced. She wrote down how she was impacted in each slice.

45. In pairs, draw a customized wheel for Odelia: • use the P & C Wheel as a reference (p. 12 in package) • list types of abuse Odelia experienced • size slices based on the degree of impact of each type of abuse on Odelia • write how she was impacted in each slice

46. Share & compare wheels at your table:Do your wheels differ from those of others at your table?

47. Abuse is “personal” • Approaches that are individualized • Join where the woman is • Facilitate engagement • Are more likely to be helpful

48. In pairs, draw a customized wheel for Odelia’s son: • List types of abuse her son was exposed to or experienced • Size slices based on the degree of impact each type of abuse might have on how he views Odelia & their relationship • Write down impacts in each slice

49. Compare and contrast the wheel you made for Odelia with the wheel you made for her son.

50. What’s most salient to child may differ from what is salient to mother • Even within the same family each child’s perceptions may differ • Important to support women to support children to express their experience