Emotional and Spiritual Intelligences: Keys To Enlightened Leadership

1. Emotional and Spiritual Intelligences: Keys To Enlightened Leadership By Cindy Wigglesworth President, Conscious Pursuits, Inc. cswigglesworth@aol.com www.consciouspursuits.com

2. My Background • 20 years at Exxon / Exxon Mobil in Human Resources • Worked as a Manager • Worked in Organizational Development • Change Manager on largest change project in Exxon Chemical History • In private practice for 10 years • Consultant for The Methodist Hospital on a culture change project that landed them in Fortune 100 best employers • Conducted a Spiritual Intelligence at Work pilot at MD Anderson Cancer Center • I teach Emotional and Spiritual Intelligences to help people… • Master their Minds to Master their Emotions, improve resilience, decrease stress • To become better leaders and co-workers • To lead more fulfilled lives

3. Intelligence Defined • Innate potential that is brought into form through practice • Adeptness or appropriately reasoned behavior or choice

4. Have you ever known anyone who was brilliant intellectually and really poor at relationship skills? Emotional Intelligence

5. Multiple Intelligences Highly Developed Cognitive Developed Under Developed IQ Moral EQ SQ PQ

6. SQ EQ IQ PQ CPI Model of 4 Intelligences Inner wisdom guided by Compassion. Equanimity (inner and outer peace) Managing ourselves and our relationships well Math & Verbal intelligences (think SATs) Body awareness and skillful use

7. SQ EQ IQ PQ Interconnection of EQ/SQ

8. Self- Awareness Social Awareness • Emotional Self-Awareness • Accurate Self-Assessment • Self-Confidence • Empathy • Organizational Awareness • Service Orientation Self- Management Social Skills • Developing Others • Inspirational Leadership • Influence • Communication • Change Catalyst • Conflict Management • Teamwork & Collaboration • Emotional Self-Control • Transparency • Adaptability • Achievement Orientation • Initiative • Optimism “Emotional Competency Framework” Per Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis 18 skills

9. How do I get EQ? Self Awareness Other Awareness START HERE END HERE Self Management Relationship Skills

10. The Human Brain Neocortex The part of the brain most recent in evolution is associated with complex thought. PrefrontalLobes The brain’s executive center: integrates information from all parts of the brain and makes decisions to act. Thalamus Processes sensory messages (e.g., eyes and ears) then routes them mainly to the neocortex. Amygdala Triggers emotional responses. Typically gets signals from the neocortex, but a quicker and fuzzier signal comes directly from the thalamus. Can hijack the brain when it perceives an emergency. Brain Stem The most primitive part of the brain. Is associated predominantly with automatic reflexes, as well as memory and learning.

11. Neocortex! Performance FEEDBACK Good News! • You can develop Emotional Intelligence! • “Rewire” your responses to feelings. • Change how you think about this. • Alter your behavior. Conscious & skillful behavior! Beliefs Emotions Thoughts Behavior

12. Can EQ Skills be Learned • Yes! But the LIMBIC system learns differently from the neocortex • Self-directed learning (self-motivated) • Begin with gap between real self and ideal self • Experimenting with new behaviors • SUSTAINED practice required • Supported by feedback from trusted others • RETENTION of new limbic skill is better than neocortex-learning

14. Racing up the Ladder of Inference You have 10 minutes • Share a story with a partner or in a small group of a time when you made an assumption, an interpretation, shared it with others, and later found out you were wrong. • Why do you think we are so attracted to jumping to conclusions and ramping up our emotions – sharing these stories and generating emotions in other people? Post your answers to #2 to leadership@unity.org

15. Developing EQ Skills • Emotional Self-Awareness- journal of emotions – see www.consciouspursuits.com under ARTICLES • Empathy exercise in the prework • Emotional Intelligence 2.0 – book full of tips and has an assessment passcode at the end

16. Three Behaviors of Resonant Leaders that Nourish Everyone • Compassion • Caring for people (shown in behaviors) • Caring for self (shifting toward positive thoughts; good self-care body/mind/emotions/spirit) • Mindfulness • Present moment focus • Relaxed & alert awareness of what is going on • Hope for a better future • Optimism + Realism + alignment with the team’s values and emotions

17. Moving to Spiritual Intelligence…

18. A Typical Exercise: Spiritual Leaders • Name some people you admire whom you would consider to be Spiritual Leaders • Can be alive or dead • May never have met the person • Fictional or real • Don’t have to be perfect • In a second list, name the TRAITS of these Spiritual Leaders that cause you to admire them • Don’t have to be connected to a person - just a general list

19. Typical list… • Major religious figures: Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Moses, Abraham, Lord Krishna, saints (e.g. Mother Theresa) • Political leaders: Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr. • Teachers, local religious leaders, guidance counselors, • Authors/TV: Oprah, Dr. Phil • Relatives: Mom, Dad, Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt, Uncle, children • Others: my co-worker, my neighbor, my patient, my boss, animals/pets

20. Common Traits of Spiritual Leaders • Peaceful / nonviolent • Passionate • Outstanding teachers • Able to inspire others • Great leaders • Visionary • Persistent in the face of difficulties • See the gifts inside other people and develop them • Loving / Compassionate / Kind • Honest / High Integrity / Authentic • Humble • Wise • Courageous • Faithful, Committed to their ideals • Forgiving • Accepting / non-judging • Calm, centered

21. A Basic Vocabulary Spirituality and Religion Source of life or Highest Power Ego self and Higher Self Love Spiritual Intelligence

22. Defining Spirituality • Spirituality is an innate need to connect to something larger than ourselves – something you feel is divine or sacred. • Religion is one very common way we attempt to satisfy this need • Connecting with Nature is another • Philosophy, Art, Physics, Science are others - Seeking an ideal, a noble truth, perfection, beauty

23. Some Synonyms for Source/ Noble Ideal • Higher Power • God, Allah, Brahman, Yhwh, Lord, Spirit, Jesus, Holy Spirit • The Dao/Tao • The Ground of all Being, Pure Essence • I Am That I Am - All That Is – That Which Is • Ein Sof, The Indefinable Mystery • Quantum field, the Vacuum State of Infinite Potential • The Universe • Love, Truth, Knowledge, Compassion • Pure Consciousness, Pure Love, Pure Intelligence • Gaia, Creator, the Great Spirit….et cetera

24. We have two parts…an Ego and a “Higher Self” Ego is our “personality self” and is designed to help us navigate the world and defend ourselves Fight or flight is key Needs to be healthy Higher Self is where we go when we “transcend” ego

25. Possible Synonyms for Ego • Personality self • Local self or temporary self • Manifest or material or relative self • The “nafs” (Islam) • Lower self, animal nature • Fearful or childish self • Needy self • Persona - the mask I wear

26. The Problems of Ego self • Puts HUGE filters on our perceptions of reality • it’s all about me! • it’s probably bad! • Focuses on the past (what I or others did wrong) or future (what might happen) where we are powerless • LOVES drama, gossip, distraction from what matters • Is chronically unsatisfied – there is never enough (scarcity)

27. Possible Synonyms for Higher Self • Soul, Spirit • Christ Consciousness • Buddha nature • Atman • Essential Self • Authentic or True Self • The Dao/Tao within

28. Ego self / Higher Self • Ego is the part of us that is • Fearful, angry, separated from others • Likes drama, victim roles, aggressor roles • Thinks of “me” as a body • Necessary to function in 3rd dimensional reality • Practical but prone to overreaction • Initially resists Spiritual growth (likes being in charge!) • Higher Self or Spirit is the part of us that is • Eternal, fearless, compassionate, wise, peaceful, deep joy • Seeks UNITY with others and Source/God/Universe

29. Spirit or Higher Selfis about Unity, Connection, Service, abundance, Long-term thinking, Win/Win/Win solutions • Egois about Separation, isolation, self-protection, scarcity, short- term thinking, win/lose or “quid pro quo”

30. SQ and “Love one another” • The Golden Rule exists in all the major faith traditions and in most philosophies of life (treat others as you wish to be treated) • We want “Love.” But what is Love? A Bird with two wings… Wisdom Compassion So spiritual intelligence is acting with Love…

31. CPI definition of Spiritual Intelligence “Spiritual Intelligence is the ability to behave with Wisdom and Compassion while maintaining inner and outer peace (Equanimity) regardless of the situation.”

32. CPI Model of Spiritual Intelligence Other focused Self / self focused 1. Self / self Awareness 2. Universal Awareness • Awareness of interconnectedness of life • Awareness of worldviews of others • Breadth of Time perception • Awareness of limitations / power of human perception • Awareness of Spiritual Laws • Experience of transcendent oneness • Awareness of own worldview • Awareness of Life Purpose (Mission) • Awareness of Values Hierarchy • Complexity of inner thought • Awareness of Ego self/Higher Self What You See -Inner World 3. Self/self Mastery 4. Social Mastery/Spiritual Presence • Wise and effective teacher / mentor • Wise and effective leader / change agent • Makes Compassionate AND Wise decisions • A calming, healing presence • Being aligned with the ebb and flow of life What Other People See – Outer World • Commitment to spiritual growth • Keeping Spirit Self in charge • Living your purpose and values • Sustaining faith • Seeking guidance from Spirit

33. Skill 5 : Awareness of Ego self and Higher Self / Spirit Self

34. Ego Higher Self Goal: Higher Self Drives, Ego “navigates” Think of your Ego as an important part of the whole. It can sometimes have good advice but shouldn’t be “behind the wheel”! Good Partners

35. Challenger Higher Self Co-Creator Coach Spirit The Drama Triangle & its antidote! Persecutor Ego DRAMA! Victim Rescuer Ego Based on The Power of TED* by David Emerald *The Empowerment Dynamic

36. Exercise: Shifting to Higher Self • Think about the Ladder of Inference example. Instead of leaping to a conclusion, and getting upset, how can we interrupt the ego-voices and instead operate from Higher Self? • Post your ideas to leadership@unity.org

37. Clear Perception? • Ears to hear and eyes to see – both are gifts from the Lord (Proverbs 20:12) • Let anyone with ears to hear, listen! (Mark 4:23) • Where there is perception there is deception (The Buddha)

39. www.mindfake.com

40. Why This Matters • Perception is NOT equal to “Ultimate Reality” • Yet we act and react based on what we perceive (and the assumptions we make!) • So perception becomes “our reality” • We can choose to be in control of our perceptions (“the radio channels we tune into”) and our interpretations • We can tune into the voice “ego” or into the voice of “Higher Self”

41. Insert PAUSE Beginning to Integrate Spirituality in Our Daily Lives Event in Your Life Your Response* *thought, emotion, speech, action

42. Reframe and tell a more compassionate story Our usual ego pattern • It’s all about me (making it personal) • Make assumptions - leap to conclusions/interpretations • Focus on and amplify the negative/drama story • Worry about past and future and miss out on the present! Spiritually Intelligent pattern • It may not be about me at all! • What about the other person? • I don’t know what this means…be open • Focus on the positive interpretation • Focus on gratitude • Stay in present moment

43. Grocery Store Express Lane Limit 12 Items

44. Conclusions • EQ matters so you can manage your own success, assist the success of others, and improve your emotional and physical health • SQ matters so that you can UNSEAT the triggers of anger and upset by learning the skills to shift from ego to Higher Self. • This increases peace, compassion, wisdom and prevents burnout for you and those who work for you • It enables much more accurate perception and decision making

45. Developing SQ • Shift from Ego Self to Higher Self voice • Insert Pause • Empathy & role reversal to total reframe • Success = you can role reverse with anyone • Take on new worldviews (Skill 7) • Make sure you know how to be “in the world” as well as “not of the world” • Includes ability to set necessary boundaries • Develop worldly skills as needed = skillful means = part of Wisdom • Take the SQ Assessment if you feel drawn to that

46. SQ as a CAPSTONE Intelligence SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE Human Development Highly Developed Cognitive Emotional Developed Under Developed Physical Intelligence