Overexcitabilities : Understanding and supporting intensity

1. Overexcitabilities:Understanding and supporting intensity Gallatin Gifted Group October 15, 2012

2. Introduction • Welcome! • Who we are: Barbara Geller, Wendy Morical • Connections for parents • Gallatin Gifted Group mailing list • SENG group • Our goal this evening “If just being smart is all there is to being gifted, then what’s the problem?” –Living with Intensity, Rivero

4. Gifted individuals experience life differently You are packing the last of the boxes on the moving van when you spy your 10-year-old carefully tearing a bit of wallpaper from the living room. Upon closer examination, you see that he has pieces of wallpaper from every room tucked away in a shoebox. “These will help me remember every room in the most special house in the world,” he explains to you. - These samples are from Delisle’sParenting Gifted Kids

5. You take your teenage daughter to an art museum and split up so each family member can visit his or her favorite galleries. An hour later, you find your daughter just where you left her, and there are tears in her eyes. “This single painting carries the essence of what it means to be human,” she says. It’s then that you realize she has spent her whole time gazing at this one piece of artwork.

6. Your son’s teacher sends you a note that reads, “Although I love Joey’s enthusiasm, he must stop shouting out his answers in class. Also, please talk to him about the incessant tapping of his pencil, and his need to sit down when he is doing his worksheets.”

7. After your 4-year-old falls in the driveway, scraping her knee, you take her in your arms to comfort her tears. Once soothed, she looks you straight in the eye and says, “Mommy, it’s never going to get better than this.” “In ways both subtle and all-too-obvious, society tries to transform unique perceptions into commonplace, standard-issue behaviors, beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes. When this occurs, we chip away … the essence of giftedness. – Parenting Gifted Kids, Delisle

8. So, What are we talking about? • “Gifted children take in information from the world around them; they react and respond more quickly and intensely than other children. They are stimulated both by what’s going on around them and by what moves them from within.” • “Because they can be so greatly stimulated, and because they perceive and process things differently, gifted children are often misunderstood.” • Living with Intensity, Daniels and Piechowski

9. “ A child, rich in intensities and sensitivities, cannot be brought down to the “normal” range… Gifted children should not be pressed to “fit in” with all of the other children the same age. Rather, their capacity for intense experiencing is an asset that deserves to be understood and affirmed instead of squashed.” Living with Intensity, Daniels and Piechowski

10. How do we nurture and support these intense ways of experiencing life ? • Educate ourselves • Communicate • Model • Advocate • Celebrate!

11. Dobrowski’s Theory • Theory of Positive Disintegration • KazimierzDabrowski • Viewed “superstimulatability” as potential for further growth • Disintegration as a prelude to rebuilding • Emotional development is result • Development Potential – three factors • Genetic traits: talents, specific abilities, general intelligence • Overexcitibilities • Capacity for self-determination, autonomy • Five Overexcitabilities • Innate tendencies to respond to various stimuli • Experience of things may be deeper, more vivid, more acutely sensed

12. Overexcitabilities • “…greater capacity to be stimulated by and respond to external and internal stimuli. Overexcitability permeates a gifted person’s existence. Whether it’s music, language, physical sensing, kinesthetic activity, imagination, or something intellectual, an overexcitability orients and focuses [him]. Overexcitability gives energy to [his] intelligence and talents. It shapes [his] personality development.” • Note: this quote, and the following overexcitability information is taken directly from Living With Intensity, edited by Daniels and Piechowski.

13. Psychomotor Intensity “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.” –Martha Graham, 1894 - 1991

14. Psychomotor Intensity • Muscular activity associated with mental • High energy level • Not associated with athletic talent; due to asynchrony, that may even lag behind • Movement facilitates learning • May be verbally active as outlet • “Enthusiastic, driven, competitive, acting out…” • May be misdiagnosed as ADHD

15. psychomotor • According to Daniels, these children need to hear: • “You have wonderful enthusiasm and energy.” • “I wish I had your energy.” • “You put your whole body into your learning.” • “Your intensity [drive] can help you do many things.” • “Sometimes our bodies need to relax.”

16. Psychomotor Strategies to support children • Discuss positive aspects of OE. • Plan for movement, avoid prolonged sitting. • Involve child in physical tasks – errands? • Teach that time out can be a choice, not punishment. • Model and teach relaxation techniques. • Help child notice signs of exhaustion or need for quiet time.

17. Sensual Intensity “The spectacle of the sky overwhelms me. I’m overwhelmed when I see, in an immense sky, the crescent of the moon, or the sun.” –Joan Miró, 1893 – 1983

18. Sensual Intensity • Heightened experience, both + and -, of seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, and hearing • Often coupled with enhanced aesthetic appreciation • Smell may evoke deep, positive emotional connection – or strong aversion • Finicky eater – or gourmand • Sounds can be soothing, uplifting – or highly irritating • Sensitive to touch (labels, socks); may appreciate comfort objects longer • Not exaggerating! Experience is real to them

19. sensual • According to Daniels, these children need to hear: • “You take such delight in beautiful sights, sounds, and feelings.” • “You like ________, but I notice _______ bothers you.” • “It seems you know what you like and what feels good to you.” • “Sometimes, it’s good to try new things. Would you like to try________?”

20. Sensual Strategies to support children • Discuss positive aspects of OE. • Provide environments that limit offensive stimuli. • “Dwell in delight”! – make time to relish pleasures. • Allow for child to control own living space as much as possible. • Help the child find comfortable and appropriate clothing. • Allow for prolonged attachments to objects.

21. Intellectual Intensity “My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.” - Stephen Hawking, born 1942

22. Intellectual Intensity • Capacity and appetite for intellectual effort and stimulation • Quest for understanding, truth • Curiosity, “Why?” questions, fixations • Mental multi tasking; thinking own “what if…” thoughts, also following along • Requires access to rich, varied challenges • May be coupled with perfectionism; focused, driven until “perfect” • “Sometimes I feel like a big head rolling around” • Profound focus may be misdiagnosed as “spectrum-y”

23. intellectual • According to Daniels, these children need to hear: • “Your curiosity fuels your intelligence.” • “You have wonderfully wide/deep interests.” • “You have great potential to learn new things and make changes.” • “You really stick to projects that interest you.” • “You defend your ideas and are open to learning different information.”

24. intellectual Strategies to support children • Discuss positive aspects of OE. • Listen to child’s ideas; schedule if necessary. • Honor child’s desire to know and understand. • Help children find answers to their own questions. • Allow child to develop and pursue own projects. • Help children develop goals and self-reflect on progress toward them. • Seek opportunities for interaction with intellectual peers.

25. Imaginational Intensity “I dream, therefore I exist.” –August Strindberg, 1849-1912

26. Imaginational Intensity • Linked with creative production • Heightened capacity for fantasy, less constrained by “the way it is.” • Imaginary playmates common • Imagination is source of retreat and delight • Need to make thing more interesting can be challenging for teachers • Capable of clear mental visualization • Daydream • Great asset; wanes with teen/adult pressure to “grow up!” • Can lead to mistaken ADD diagnosis

27. imaginational • According to Daniels, these children need to hear: • “You have a rich imagination.” • “You view the world in a unique way.” • “You think of and tell great stories.” • “You make the mundane extraordinary” (!)

28. imaginational Strategies to support children • Discuss positive aspects of OE. • Cherish and preserve creative and imaginational expression. • Provide opportunities for relaxation and free flow of ideas. • Provide creative outlets. • Help small children distinguish between imaginary and the real world, determine when imagination is appropriate. • Have child use imagination to solve problems and cope with challenges.

29. Emotional Intensity “I have found it easier to identify with the characters who verge upon hysteria, who were frightened of life, who were desperate to reach out to another person. But these seemingly fragile people are the strong people really.” • Tennessee Williams, 1911-1983

30. Emotional Intensity • Most extensive, Dobrowski felt • Not as prized as intellectual, creative • Intense feelings that are manifested in extreme, complex, positive or negative ways • Significant emotional response to “insignificant” stimuli • Sometimes rooted in fears, anxieties: • death • loneliness • love • concern for others • excruciating self-scrutiny

31. Emotional Intensity, continued • Complexity of emotional response can paralyze or inhibit: how to act? • Strongest bonds not always with peers • Empathy for others, social action • Sometimes somatic expressions: heart, sweat, stomach… • Often accused of overreacting, drama • Can transcend own life and see overarching principles • Misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety, bipolar

32. emotional • According to Daniels, these children need to hear: • “You are sensitive to others’ feelings.” • “You care very deeply and have deep feelings.” • “You are very loyal to those you care about.” • “You are wonderfully aware of joy/frustration/love/anger/sadness…”

33. emotional Strategies to support children • Discuss positive aspects of OE. • Accept feelings and the intensity with which they are expressed • Develop a feeling vocabulary • Learn listening and responding skills • Teach children to anticipate emotional experiences, and rehearse responses, strategies • Use journaling to record feelings • Find activities that provide for expression of empathy and social concern

34. Coping with Intensity – research based strategies for managing family interactions1. Advocacy • Ensure appropriate educational services • Challenge, to stretch and develop strategies • Organizational skills • Work ethic • Interaction with students • Focus on the experience of giftedness to problem solve • Use creativity, patience, trust • Don’t sacrifice own needs or internalize child’s struggles

35. Coping with Intensity – 2. Calmers • Know what calms each family member down • Can be related to senses • Music, white noise, quiet, noise cancelling headphones • Dimmer switches • Aroma therapy • Yoga, breathing, exercise • Hugs, stroking, hand massage • Visualization • Pilates balls, rocking

36. Coping with Intensity – 3. Patterns and routines • All kids need boundaries • Schedules for chores (let child track) • Family meetings • Advance warnings if change-averse • Wear the new shoes out of the store • Make sure they realize you’re talking to them (name, touch)

37. Coping with Intensity – 4. Anticipate • Know signs and situations that may trigger distress or “emotional flooding” • Come up with ways to communicate when a family member is getting distressed • Share with teachers • Clothes that don’t irritate (tags, textures) • Classroom seating choices • Snacks, protein breakfasts to eliminate “bipolar” reactive hypoglycemia • Expect needs to change as they mature

38. Coping with Intensity – 5. Acknowledge & communicate • Acknowledge the emotions • “Mom, I don’t want you to solve my problem. I want you to acknowledge my emotions.” • Spend time one-on-one with each family member • Document optimistic options • Tag team • Let others help • Step in to deescalate • Take care of yourself • Celebrate successes

39. Resources • Daniels, Susan and Michael Piechowski, eds. Livingwith Intensity. Great Potential Press, 2009 • Delisle, James. Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for Raising Happy and Successful Children. Prufrock Press, 2006 • Fonseca, Christine. Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students. Prufrock Press, 2011 • Michels, Debbie and Teresa Rowlinson. Getting Over Excitabilities. SENG Vine, March 2011 (www.sengifted.org) • Rivero, Lisa. The Smart Teen’s Guide to Living with Intensity. Great Potential Press, 2010 • Webb, James et.al. Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults. Great Potential Press, 2005