BU 208 B Interpersonal Communications Fall, 2008

1. BU 208 BInterpersonal CommunicationsFall, 2008 Week #2 – September 16th

2. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication The Nature of Nonverbal Communication Behaviour -bodily actions and vocal qualities that typically accompany a verbal message that are usually interpreted as intentional and that have agreed-upon interpretations within a culture or speech community -people place a great deal of confidence in nonverbal messages -in fact, when verbal and nonverbal cues conflict, the nonverbal messages are more likely to be trusted

3. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication -in addition to bodily actions and vocal qualities that accompany verbal messages, nonverbal communication includes the messages sent by our use of time and physical space and our choices of physical artifacts (clothing, furniture, decorations, etc), lighting, temperature, and colour -much of what is considered appropriate nonverbal behaviour depends on culture.

4. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Body Motions: -the most familiar nonverbal behaviour approach is kinesics - the study of body motions as a means of communication, including: -Eye Contact -Facial Expressions -Gesture -Posture

5. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication How Body Motions are Used: • To take the place of a word or phrase • To illustrate what a speaker is saying • Can display feelings that have not been expressed verbally • To control or regulate the flow of conversation • To relieve tension

6. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication There are differences based on both culture and gender. Cultural Variations: Eye Contact (in Canada, making eye contact is a show of respect, but in some cultures avoiding eye contact shows respect) Gestures, Postures, Facial Expressions (there can be vast differences, for example, in Canada the A-okay sign means all is well but in France it means zero or worthless and in Germany, Brazil, and Australia it is a vulgar gesture) Gender Variations: Men and women differ in both their use and interpretation of nonverbal communication behaviour.

7. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Paralanguage -is the sound of what we hear when someone speaks -it is how something is said -there are 4 component vocal characteristics: 1. Pitch (highness or lowness of tone of voice) 2. Volume (loudness or softness of one’s voice) 3. Rate (speed at which one speaks) 4. Quality (overall sound of one’s voice)

8. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Vocal Interferences -extraneous sounds or words that interrupt fluent speech -some may be used as place markers (such as ‘um’) to indicate that we have not finished speaking -too many can lead to the impression that we are unsure of ourselves or confused in what we are attempting to say

9. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Vocal Interferences con’t… -even more disruptive is the overuse of words and phrases such as: like and you know -the overuse of such words and phrases will adversely affect the impression we make

10. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Self-Presentation -people learn a great deal about us from how we present ourselves -we reveal information through our choice of clothing, personal grooming, our manner, our use of touch, and the way we manage our time

11. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Self-Presentation Artifactual Communication -includes clothing, jewellery, accessories, hairstyles, perfumes, make-up, body art, furnishings, decorations, vehicles, etc. -the artifacts we choose to use tell others many things about us such as the cultural groups to which we belong, our social and economic status, our age and gender, our interests, our personality, and our attitudes

12. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Self-Presentation Poise -assurance of manner -20% of people are very nervous speaking in groups or in public -this is often communicated through nonverbal behaviour and is perceived by others as a lack of poise

13. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Self-Presentation Touch -one of the basic forms of communication -haptics = the study of this form of nonverbal communication -examples = shaking hands, pat on the back, hug, kiss, etc

14. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Self-Presentation Time -a less obvious aspect of our self-presentation is how we manage and react to others’ use and management of time -chronemics = the study of the use of time as a means of communication -we consider the amount of time we regard as appropriate for certain activities -when the duration of an event differs significantly from our expectations we begin to attribute meaning to it (eg. told an interview will take an hour and it only takes 20 mins – we assume we didn’t get the job)

15. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Communication through Management of Your Environment -as well as our use of body motions, paralanguage, and self-perception cues, we communicate nonverbally through manipulation of our physical environment, including: Space, Temperature, Lighting Levels, and Colours

16. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Space -the study of the communicative use of space = proxemics -it includes consideration of the communicative use of permanent structures, of movable objects within space, and of informal space

17. Chapter 4Non Verbal Communication Temperature, Lighting Levels and Colours -three other elements that can be controlled to affect communication -temperature can stimulate or inhibit effective communication by altering people’s moods or changing their level of attentiveness -lighting levels can add meaning to communication messages (eg. bright light encourages good listening) -colour may stimulate both emotional and physical reactions (eg. red excites; blue soothes)

18. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Listening -the process of receiving, attending to, and assigning meaning to aural and visual stimuli -it is not to be confused with hearing (simply a physiological response to aural stimuli) -many people do not listen well, and therefore are unable to respond or remember effectively

19. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Important Concepts: Attending Understanding Evaluating Responding Remembering

20. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Attending -the perceptual process of selecting and focusing on specific stimuli from the countless stimuli reaching the senses -we attend to information that interests us and meets our physical and psychological needs, but to be a good listener, we have to train ourselves to attend to what people are saying regardless of our interests or needs

21. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Attending con’t… 3 techniques for consciously focusing attention i) Get physically and mentally ready to listen ii) Make the shift from speaker to listener a complete one iii) Hear a person out before you react

22. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Understanding -decoding a message accurately by assigning appropriate meaning to it -fully understanding what a person means requires active listening (an approach to listening that involves the use of specific techniques, including empathizing, questioning, and paraphrasing)

23. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Evaluating/Critical Analysis -the process of determining how truthful, authentic, or believable we judge information to be -we need to listen critically to the message to determine the extent to which we agree with the speaker and how we might wish to respond -critical analysis requires that we evaluate the quality of the inferences we hear

24. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Evaluating/Critical Analysis con’t… -inferences are claims or assertions based on observation or fact, but they are not necessarily true -critical listeners evaluate inferences by examining the context in which they occur -an inference is usually presented as part of an argument (ie. a person makes an inference (a claim) and then presents other statements in support of the claim)

25. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Evaluating/Critical Analysis con’t… -the critical listener tests an inference by asking at least 3 questions: i) is there factual information to support the inference? ii) is the factual support relevant to the inference? iii) is there known information that would prevent the inference from logically following the factual statements?

26. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Responding Empathetically to Give Comfort -once we have understood a speaker’s message, we may recognize that they are in need of emotional comfort -to comfort someone means to help them feel better about themselves and their behaviour -comfort is drawn from feeling respected, understood, and confirmed -we cannot comfort unless we have first empathized

27. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Responding Empathetically to Give Comfort con’t… -there are 2 other (already discussed questioning and paraphrasing) important empathic responses: i) supporting ii) interpreting

28. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Responding Empathetically to Give Comfort con’t… i) supporting responses -are comforting statements that aim to approve, bolster, encourage, soothe, console, or cheer up -they show that we care about people ii) interpreting responses -are those that offer a reasonable alternative explanation for an event or circumstance with the goal of helping another to understand the situation from a different perspective

29. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Remembering -is being able retain information and recall it when it is needed -we often forget almost immediately what we have heard (eg. forgetting someone’s name to whom you have just been introduced) -3 techniques to help improve our ability to remember information are: i) repeating ii) constructing memories iii) taking notes

30. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Remembering con’t… • Repeating -saying something 2 or 3 to help listeners to store information in long-term memory by providing necessary reinforcement -if information is not reinforced, it will be held in short term memory for as little as 20 seconds and then forgotten • constructing memories iii) taking notes

31. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Remembering con’t… • constructing mnemonics -helps listeners put information in forms that are more easily recalled -a mnemonic device is any artificial technique used as a memory aid -most common = take the first letters of a list of items we are trying to remember and form a word (eg. An easy mnemonic for remembering the names of the 5 great lakes = HOMES – Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior)

32. Chapter 5Listening, Responding, Remembering Remembering con’t… • taking notes -is a powerful tool for increasing our recall of information -useful notes consist of a brief list of main points or key ideas plus a few of the most significant details or a short summary

33. Chapter 6Conversation Conversation is the medium of interpersonal communications. Each successful conversation is a building block in the good interpersonal relationship that exists between the participants.

34. Chapter 6Conversation Characteristics of Conversation Conversation -is a locally managed, interactive, informal, extemporaneous and sequential interchange of thoughts and feelings between two or more people -if people find a conversation satisfying, they are likely to seek those same people out again for more conversation -likewise, if the conversation was unsatisfactory, the participants will tend to avoid each other

35. Chapter 6Conversation Types and Structures of Conversation -there are two common but differently structured conversations: i) Casual Social Conversations ii) Pragmatic Problem-Consideration Converstations

36. Chapter 6Conversation i) Casual Social Conversations -are marked by a discussion of topics that arise spontaneously -discussion of these topics enables participants to share information, ideas, and opinions and the hear the ideas and opinions of others -these conversations help us to meet our interpersonal needs and to build and maintain our relationships

37. Chapter 6Conversation i) Casual Social Conversations con’t… -in such conversations, a topic will be introduced by one participant and will be accepted or rejected by the others -if accepted, it will be discussed until such time as someone introduces another topic that other participants accept

38. Chapter 6Conversation • Pragmatic Problem-Consideration Conversations -are marked by agreement among the participants to discuss and to resolve specific problems or to plot courses of action -in such conversations, the topic, often agreed-upon in advance of the conversation, requires participants to deliberate and reach a conclusion -these conversations may be more orderly than social conversations and may have as many as five parts:

39. Chapter 6Conversation • Pragmatic Problem-Consideration Conversations con’t… 1. Greeting and small talk 2. Topic introduction and statement of need for discussion 3. Information exchange and processing 4. Summarizing decisions and clarifying next steps 5. Formal closing

40. Chapter 6Conversation Rules of Conversation -although conversations may seem like random activities, they are actually based on conversational rules (unwritten prescriptions that indicate what behaviour is obligated, preferred, or prohibited in certain contexts) -these rules guide our understanding of what kinds of messages and behaviours are proper in certain contexts or with certain people, and they provide us with a framework within which to interpret the behaviour of others.

41. Chapter 6Conversation Characteristics of Rules • Rules must allow for choice -we can choose to follow them or not 2. Rules are prescriptive -a rule specifies appropriate human behaviour 3. Rules are proscriptive -a rule tells us what not to do • Rules are contextual -rules that apply in some situations do not apply in others

42. Chapter 6Conversation Phrasing Rules -research suggests that we might be best able to understand a communication rule if it is stated as a conditional (if then) sentence (ie. if X is the situation or context, then Y is preferred or prohibited) -examples of conversational rules: i) if your mouth is full, then you must not talk ii) if you are spoken to, you must reply iii) if you are going to say something that you do not want overheard, then lower your voice

43. Chapter 6Conversation Effective Conversations Follow the Cooperative Principle -conversations are not only structured by the rules that participants follow but also depend on how well conversational partners cooperate -the cooperative principle states that conversations will be satisfying when the contributions made by conversationalists are in line with the purpose of the conversation -based on this principle, there are 4 conversational maxims (requirements of successful conversation):

44. Chapter 6Conversation Effective Conversations Follow the Cooperative Principle con’t… 1. Quality Maxim -requires participants to provide information that is truthful 2. Quantity Maxim -requires participants to provide an amount of information that is sufficient to satisfy the information needs of the other participants

45. Chapter 6Conversation Effective Conversations Follow the Cooperative Principle con’t… 3. Relevancy Maxim -requires participants to provide information that is related to the topic being discussed 4. Manner Maxim -requires that participants be specific and organized when communicating their thoughts

46. Chapter 6Conversation Skills of Effective Face-to-Face Conversationalists -we can all learn to be more effective in our conversations -there are several skills that are basic to effective conversationalists: i) Have quality information to present ii) As an initiator, ask meaningful questions iii) As a responder, provide free information iv) Credit sources v) Balance speaking and listening vi) Practice politeness

47. Chapter 6Conversation Skills for Electronically Mediated Conversation -communicating on-line introduces some additional considerations Conversing via email and instant messaging -there are several ways that we can improve our email and instant messaging conversations: i) take advantage of delayed feedback ii) include the wording that you are responding to in the return message iii) take into account the absence of nonverbal cues to meaning iv) use abbreviations and acronyms sparingly, if at all v) keep in mind that electronic messages are not secure