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Difficult Discussions

Difficult Discussions. School of Rehabilitation Therapy, Physical Therapy Program Meaghan Welfare Queen’s – QUFA Conflict Resolution Service. Welcome. Difficult Discussions. Ad hoc Immediate Unplanned Reactive Planned Timely Well planned Responsive.

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Difficult Discussions

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  1. Difficult Discussions School of Rehabilitation Therapy, Physical Therapy Program Meaghan Welfare Queen’s – QUFA Conflict Resolution Service

  2. Welcome

  3. Difficult Discussions • Ad hoc • Immediate • Unplanned • Reactive • Planned • Timely • Well planned • Responsive

  4. What makes a discussion difficult? • Worried about hurting someone's feelings • Touchy or uncomfortable topic • Potential of damaging a relationship • What if I say the wrong thing? • Offend someone • Create an unpleasant atmosphere

  5. 1. Know Thyself • Perception • Default behaviours • Conflict Management Style

  6. Perception • How you perceive conflict will impact your experience with conflict • If you see conflict as bad you are likely to have more negative experiences • If you see conflict as positive/opportunity for change/growth/development/relationship building, your experience will be more positive

  7. Have you ever… • Gossiped about someone’s behavior instead of speaking to them? • Made a leading statement in a meeting, in hopes that someone else would raise a difficult issue? • Emailed someone to say something you didn’t want to say in person? • Given in on a situation that was important to you and later regretted it? • Consider: How do I normally react to difficult situations?

  8. Conflict Management Styles HIGH Collaborating Competing • GOALS Compromising Avoiding Accommodating LOW HIGH RELATIONSHIP Thomas-Killman instrument

  9. 2. Walk a mile… • Take time to consider the other person’s perspective • Approach a sensitive topic with empathy • Be compassionate towards what they may be experiencing • Try to acknowledge the commonalities you share with this person • Ask yourself: • What might be motivating them? • What might they be their desired outcome?

  10. 3. Be assertive • Confident statements and behaviour • The process for expressing thoughts and feelings while asking for what you want • Avoid being seen as: • ‘pushy’ – aggressive • ‘waffly’ – passive

  11. Assertiveness • Taking charge of your own behaviour • Take responsibility for your own feelings/behaviours/thoughts, and express them accurately • The ability to recognize that others are also in charge of their own behaviour • Resist the need to control or change others • The ability to express your preferences for others behaviour • Ask for what you want, say “no” to what you don’t want

  12. DESC When I am interrupted in a meeting I feel disrespected. In the future I would prefer to be able to finish my thoughts before others speak. That way we can all be heard and included.

  13. 4. Listen • If you enter a discussion from a place of curiosity and truly listen, you are more likely to deal with what really matters • Help me understand vs. I understand • Get comfortable with silence • Avoid ‘listening with your answer running’

  14. Active Listening • Reflecting (empathy) • Name or identifying an emotion you observe which may not have been stated • “You seem very frustrated” “I can see in your body language that you are agitated” • Summarizing • Repeating/paraphrasing the key points you have heard • “If I understand you correctly you are saying…” "No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care" ― Theodore Roosevelt

  15. Listen • Avoid distractions • Computer • Phone • Busy location

  16. 5. Have a model • Communication model is key to guiding the conversation towards success • Break it down into manageable steps • Builds confidence • Creates a path

  17. Model • Many models out there • Most important step is preparation • Plan but don’t script • Ask yourself: • Why am I having this conversation? • What’s important to me? • What is my ideal outcome? • What can I do to make the outcome win/win for both of us?

  18. Model • How do I begin? • Ensure statement is mutual and non-blaming • Example: • “I’d like to talk about our last meeting and how I felt about it.” • “I need your help with what just happened, could we spend a few minutes discussing it?”

  19. Successful Conversations • Prepare in advance for success • Plan but don’t script • Be assertive • Consider the other persons perspective • Listen genuinely and with authentic curiosity • Be open to changing your mind when new information is presented • Be empathic and compassionate towards the other and yourself

  20. Thank you Get in touch meaghankwelfare@gmail.com www.conflictengagement.ca

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