About Me

1. About Me Ariadne (Ar [as in anti] - ee -add - knee) Evans (Evans)

2. Where I Was Born (the circumstances that brought me to this lifeless job) • Born in undisclosed year (1990 … okay 1878) in Birmingham, England … in Alabama • Only daughter of six kids (a.k.a. one son and four failures) • Overwhelmingly Greek family (with an English last name) • My childhood sucked • one bedroom for six kids • 2 bathrooms for eight people • Forced to reside in iron mill 10 minutes from my house • 5 brothers = no friends

3. My Education • Graduated high school at 15 (not because I was smart) • Studied abroad for two years (list of countries in footnote) • Graduated from UCLA with a BA in English • Master’s in Education - Administration

4. Jobs I Wanted: Actress Sloss Furnace Worker Novelist Professional Shark Petter Critic Sith Lord Jobs I Actually Had: Waitress English teacher Careers

5. Hobbies • Writing (short stories, drabble, novels, ehh poetry, creative nonfiction, porn, screenwriting, playwriting) • Apple junkie • Shark petting • Ghost hunting • Creating overly sarcastic answers to your questions but censoring them out of job security • Koi fish/rock gardens • Making sucky PowerPoints • Reading epic spy novels • Star Wars (Han Solo is a serious homie)

6. Interesting Facts • Fluently speak Greek, French, Spanish, and Farsi (and English…) • Lifelong goal for decades was to play Glinda from Wicked • Can write in Greek • Technically a professional hacker (punny) • Addicted to awful Travel Channel macabre TV shows (a.k.a. Ghost Adventures is my life) • Jeremy Irons…nuff said • Can recall any student’s name if they professed a love for Erik/Ramin K/Sly Cooper/Star Wars/Green Day/storm chasing by adding the accenting word “fucking love” in a formal About Me paper

7. Just Gaging Things • I have no word filter • Diss Greece - expect me to write all my comments to you in Greek • Diss Alabama - expect an F • Don’t try to find my accent - from this moment on you are destined to fail • Σας συνιστώ να μην πάει στο γραφείο μου, γιατί λέω τα πράγματα πολύ ακατάλληλη για τους συντρόφους του γραφείου μου.. (see “I have no word filter”)

8. One Last Thing • I am a blunt, overly sarcastic, patronizing, self-absorbed, oblivious, liberal Republican-minded bitch who will either fail you or pass you in flying colors of the rave rainbow if you actually read the books I assign. • If you hate to read…go gauge your eyes out and try to get a job. You won’t. You know why? Because you can’t read. And you know what reference I just made? No? You already failed my class. • Answer: Oedipus Rex, Greek ass tragedy

9. That Awkward List of Countries I’ve been to From Before • New World Order: Greece, DAS MOTHERLAND • Europe: France, Italia, England, Belgium, Spain, Austria, Germany, Czech Republic, Holland • Asia: China, Russia, India, Vietnam, Philippines, United Arab Emirates, Georgia, Turkey • Africa: South Africa, Tunisia, Egypt, Camroon • South Amereeeca: Chile, Brazil, Ecuador, Bolivia, Argentina, Paraguay • Australia: Austrailia • North America: somewhere in Canada (I’m bad at Geology), MERICA, Meheeco, Alaska

10. Places My Dumbass Boyfriend Got Me Food Poisoning In • India, Uganda,China, Spain, Canada, Mexico, Thailand, Uzbekistan, Turkey, Lebanon, Italia (the motherland’s cousin betrayed me), Greece (I hate my ex so much), Maine, Florida, Alabama (this one is so lame), Arizona, F****** UTAH, Virginia,Montana, New York, and Crete (my serious homies almost killed me)