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LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCE In the context of the living in Beijing

LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCE In the context of the living in Beijing. Dr Lyn Wren. Western Academy of Beijing 31 st January 2013. Our Aim Today. CHINA DAILY. WAB’s FAVOURITE NEWSPAPER. www.chinadaily.com. - Since forever. EXPAT CHILDREN THE NEW PROTOTYPE.

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LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCE In the context of the living in Beijing

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  1. LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCEIn the context of the living in Beijing Dr Lyn Wren Western Academy of Beijing 31st January 2013

  2. Our Aim Today

  3. CHINA DAILY WAB’s FAVOURITE NEWSPAPER www.chinadaily.com - Since forever EXPAT CHILDREN THE NEW PROTOTYPE Global citizen, first culture, second culture, third culture and cross cultural kids – these are all terms that may be used to refer to our living in Beijing children. The prototype citizen of the future is said to be the global citizen – especially the children that are at ease with moving within and across cultures, building bridges and making connections. But is is all good news? Studies have shown that these global children have a unique set of challenges to overcome. The pressure of moving to a new city, exposure to a foreign culture, starting in a new school, having to make new friends and watch friends leave, all create stress. These stressors are then linked to many emotional and physical health problems. Behavioral issues, anxiety, depression, eating and dieting disorders, alcohol & substance use and suicide, can all be triggered by the stressors our global citizen children are facing. As a parent, understanding how to turn these challenges into assets is absolutely essential.

  4. CROSS CULTURE & THIRD CULTURE KIDS

  5. THE NEW ‘NORMAL’ = GLOBAL CITIZENS CROSS CULTURAL & THIRD CULTURE KIDS • Cross Cultural Kids: meaningful interaction with 2 cultures during the developmental years • Third Culture Kids: 1st culture is your ‘home’ culture; 2nd culture is the one you moved to; 3rd culture is the one you make in your ‘new home’ which is usually a combination of the two. • .

  6. LEVERAGING IT TO OUR ADVANTAGE “ TCKs are cross-culturally mobile children, born into a first culture and raised in one or more additional cultures. Their emergent life-style produces a third culture that lacks national or cultural boundaries. TCKs are marginal, mobile in body, soul, and intellect. Their roots lie in uprootedness. They fit in everywhere, nowhere in particular. They are simultaneously insiders and outsiders….” Ayla Delin, Istanbul, writing in Time, March 1, 1993

  7. Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Advantages Tolerance Flexible ADAPTABILITY WORLD VIEW Problem Solving Strong Family Ties Mature Culturally Sensitive Empathy Linguistic Skills Skilled

  8. Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Challenges Stress & Anxiety Worsen ADD/ADHD Insecurity Behavioral Problems Feelings of being rootless Education Out Of Phase Depression & Suicide Unresolved grief & sadness Alcohol & Substance Use Eating & Dieting Disorders Clashes with different value systems

  9. Individual Response To Stressors Depends on Many Factors

  10. PARENT POWEREvidence Based Research Confirms…

  11. Communicating LoveA strong family is one where the members genuinely feel loved Part 1 THE LOVE LANGUAGES Learning how to communicate love in a language your children understand

  12. GENERAL PRINCIPLES – No formulas • Research has concluded: To feel loved is the primary human emotional need • It is like each of us has an ‘emotional love tank’ • Conflicts and issues are more easily received, discussed and resolved if the parties feel loved & accepted • With our children our aim is to increasingly lead by the strength of our relationship NOT by the power of our authority • Of course we DO LOVE THEM but our expressions of love may not make our children FEEL LOVED.

  13. The Idea of Love Languages • Love is expressed as an ‘emotional language’ • There are 5 basic languages of love • Each person is different – what communicates love to one person may not communicate love to another • Everyone needs a little of everything but people have ONE language that speaks LOUDER than all others (some are bilingual) • Children under the age of about 5 years need ALL 5 love languages

  14. 5 Love Languages

  15. Instilling A Moral CompassUsing the power of influence rather thanthe power of our authority as parents Part 2 Our goal is to raise children that have their own “moral compass” rather than just ‘rule obeyers’.

  16. Introduction • We have established that growing a healthy, loving child-parent relationship is the MOSTimportant • The next step is ‘TRAINING’ • Love and “training” have to go together • Our goal is to lead by the strength of our relationship NOT by the power of our authority • Our goal is to equip our children with a moral compass, so they can make good choices as they navigate the challenges of living in Beijing

  17. What Is A Moral Compass? • A value system that has been ‘inbuilt’ over the years • A value system that enables children, teenagers, young adults & adults make good, morally responsible decisions for themselves • A value system that keeps ‘steering’ them in the right direction • A value system that is independent of ‘rules’ and ‘the law’. • How we instil this moral compass changes as the phases of parenting change

  18. How Do We Instill A Moral Compass? • Teach them the reasons ‘why’ • The reasons‘why’ need to be genuine/accurate • Teaching them ‘why’instills in them a set of values and morals which they will keep with them for the rest of their life • The GOALis to empower them to make decisions for themselves • We want to raise morally responsible young adults….NOT rule obeyers!

  19. Down Side of Instilling A Moral Compass Takes more time than just saying ‘because I’m the parent and I said so’ YOU need to know the reasons ‘why’ Parents need to MODELthe moral values they are seeking to instill Expect rich discussion on all the reasons ‘why not’ and ‘why you’re wrong’ It might still come down to ‘well I appreciate your opinion BUT….” Even in this situation, you have instilled the value even though you have to fall back on parental authority

  20. Rule Obeyers Obey when there ARE rules Can ‘disobey’ when there is no one watching Can ‘disobey’ when they think they can get away with it Moral Compass Versus Rule-Obeyers Motivated by an inbuilt ‘moral compass’ Can make decisions: Independently of whether there are rules When there is no-one watching or telling them what to do To do the right thing even if there are no rewards or punishments

  21. How We As Parents Can Make All The Difference Build Strong Family Relationships Be INVOLVED Make them Feel LOVED Keep a Healthy marriage Be Flexible Change Your Parenting Style as Your Kids Grow Keep Family Traditions Get support If you need it Be an informed parent Look for Opportunities To teach Your Kids ‘Why’ Learn how To be a ‘coach’ as your kids get older

  22. Conclusion http://vimeo.com/adrianbautista/sowhereshome

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