Chapter 14: Managing Loss, Death, and Grief

1. Chapter 14: Managing Loss, Death, and Grief Olivia Morris and Chelsea Hilbert

2. Importance of Teaching • Everyone goes through it. • Today the living are isolated from the dying. • Many parents isolate children from a dying person and the funeral. • Death portrayed in the media is often misleading and confusing. • Many parents do not feel comfortable talking about death. • To allow children to express their feelings.

3. Prevalence • 1 in 20 children will lose a parent by the age of 18. • 1 in 3 children will spend their first 18 years with one parent. • 1 in 5 families move each year. • Almost every child will experience the death of a pet, friend or relative.

4. Developmental Stages for Understanding Death Stage 1 • Ages 3 to 5 • Children don’t understand the finality of death. • View dead as being able to eat, work, laugh, and cry as if alive. • Children often seem matter of fact or callous about death. • Because of this they see no reason to grieve. • Adults should not explain death to this age in terms of sleep or vacation.

5. Developmental Stages of Understanding Death Stage 2 • Ages 5 to 9. • Have understanding of finality. • Believe that an outside source such as “bogeyman” or “death man” causes death. • Many guilt feelings are associated with death. • Teachers need to be aware of these guilt feeling and try to alleviate them.

6. Developmental Stages of Understanding Death Stage 3 • Ages 9 and older. • Fully Understand the finality of death. • Know that it is something that happens within the body and happens to everyone. • Associate death with other, “old” people. • Feelings expressed in such ways as acting out, crying, anger, or self-injurious behavior.

7. Stages of Grief • Grief is the psychological and sometimes physical response to the death of a loved one or to the loss or longing of someone due to transition. • 2 types of grief: • Low-grief- have already grieved prior to death. • High-grief- more emotional and lasts longer because of no preparation for death. • Three stages of grief.

8. Stage 1 – Denial, Shock, and Disbelief • Begins after hearing about the death of a loved one. • Includes crying, confusion, stress, and disbelief. • Can typically last up to two weeks after the death. • Denial is the reason that many act calm during a funeral and this should not be mistaken as acceptance of the death. • Grievers desperately need support from friends and loved ones.

9. Stage 2-Dispair, Numbness, Guilt, Sadness and Apathy • Begins after survivors have recognized the reality of death. • Usually lasts up to one year. • Feeling experienced are sadness, depression, guilt, preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased, anger, apathy, and numbness. • Not uncommon to experience loss of appetite, insomnia, crying spells, and restlessness. • Children are usually angry, appear selfish and act younger than they are.

10. Stage 3-Recovery and Resolution. • Begins approximately one year to 15 months after the death. • Still depression during this stage. • Survivors should be allowed to express their grief and not be asked to repress it. • Recalls positive memories of the deceased. • Survivor accepts death and tries to move on with life.

11. 3 Dimensions of Grief • Important for school professionals to understand to help children grieve. • Grief is normal, natural, and a healthy response to loss. • Grief is a unique, lifelong process for everyone who have experienced a loss. • Everyone has the capability to heal in a supportive and emotionally safe environment.

12. Stages of Dying • Denial • Anger • Bargaining • Depression • Acceptance • These stages should not be evaluated as good or bad. • One of the biggest fear of dying people is the fear of being alone.

13. Teaching about Loss, Death, and Grief • It is important for teachers to be honest and open. • Teachers should be as factual as possible. • Teachers should avoid providing personal values no controversial issues related to death. • Teachers should be especially good and supportive listeners. • Teachers should ask children to explain what they have learned about death during class.

14. Teacher’s role when a student or a students relative is dying or dies • Teachers will have to deal with this topic and should be prepared. • Best to discuss death before it occurs. • There are several guidelines to remember when discussing death with elementary and middle school students.

15. Dealing with Disasters or Traumatic Events • It is important for school personnel to understand how to help children deal with disasters and traumatic events. • Children feel a loss of control. • They experience a loss of stability. • They are very self-centered. • Teachers should practice emergency procedures. • Teachers should try to focus on some positive events surrounding the event. • Teachers should try to maintain a routine for children.

16. Dealing with Disasters or Traumatic Events • Symptoms- • Clinginess • Aggressiveness • Withdrawal from activities or friends • Increased fight with friends • School of avoidance • Loss of interest and poor concentration in school • Regressive behavior • Headaches or other physical complaints • Depression • Fear about safety • Difficulty sleeping because of nightmares.

17. School’s Role When Handling a Suicide • Suicide is the third leading cause of death of 10 to 14 year olds. • It is first important for teachers to understand the risk and protective factors associated with youth suicide.

18. Protective Factors • Things that can enhance resilience to suicide. • Includes: • Easy access to help for emotional and mental health problems. • Restricted access to lethal means. • Family and community support. • Learned skills and problem solving, conflict resolution, and nonviolent handling of arguments. • Cultural and religious beliefs that discourage suicide and support self-preservation.

19. Warning Signs for Suicide • Changes in physical appearance. • Changes in eating or sleeping habits. • Apathy about school. • Outbursts of anger, mood swings, and drastic changes in behavior. • Withdrawal from family, friends, and social activities. • Increased use of alcohol and other drugs. • Recent death of a loved one. • Preoccupation with death. • Giving away of prized possessions. • Direct and indirect statements about suicide. • Depression.

20. Do’s and Don’ts When a Student Commits Suicide • Don’t dismiss school or encourage funeral attendance during school hours. • Don’t dedicate a memorial to the deceased. • Don’t have a large school assembly. • Do give the students facts • Do emphasize prevention and everyone’s role. • Do provide individual and group counseling. • Do emphasize that no on is to blame for the suicide. • Do emphasize that help is available and there are alternatives to suicide. • Do contact the family of the deceased. • Do ask students to make a plan for after school and the evening.

21. Websites • Compassionate Friends http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx • Public Broadcast Service http://www.pbs.org/teachers/ • Suicide Hotlines http://suicidehotlines.com/westvirginia.html

22. Literature for Children • The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia • Everett Anderson’s Goodbye by L. Clifton • Jenny is Scared! By Carol Shuman • Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White