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ISLAMIC PARENTING

ISLAMIC PARENTING. RAISING UPRIGHT CHILDREN. DALIL AL-QUR’AN. يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ … وَالْحِجَارَةُ

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ISLAMIC PARENTING

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  1. ISLAMIC PARENTING RAISING UPRIGHT CHILDREN Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  2. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  3. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  4. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  5. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  6. DALIL AL-QUR’AN يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ …وَالْحِجَارَةُ • “Haiorang-orang yang beriman, peliharalahdirimudankeluargamudariapineraka yang bahanbakarnyaadalahmanusiadanbatu…” • Al-Tahrim 66: 6 Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  7. TAFSIR • 1. ‘Ali bin AbiThalibradhiyallaahu ‘anhuberkata, “Ajarkanlah agama kepadakeluarga kalian, danajarkan pula adab-adab Islam.” • 2. Qatadahrahimahullaahberkata, “Suruhkeluarga kalian untuktaatkepada Allah! Cegahmerekadariberbuatmaksiat! Hendaknyamerekamelaksanakanperintah Allah danbantulahmereka! Apabila kalian melihatmerekaberbuatmaksiyat, makacegahdanlaranglahmereka!” • 3. IbnuJarirath-Thabarirahimahullaahberkata: “Ajarkankeluarga kalian untuktaatkepada Allah ‘AzzawaJalla yang (halitu) dapatmenyelamatkandirimerekadariapiNeraka.” • 4. Imam asy-SyaukanimengutipperkataanIbnuJarir: “Wajibataskitauntukmengajarkananak-anakkitaDienul Islam (agama Islam), sertamengajarkankebaikandanadab-adab Islam.”  Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  8. DALIL AL-QUR’AN • وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا • Dan orangorang yang berkata: "YaTuhankami, anugrahkanlahkepadakamiisteri-isterikamidanketurunankamisebagaipenyenanghati (kami), danjadikanlahkami imam bagiorang-orang yang bertakwa. • Al-Furqan 25: 74 Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  9. TAFSIR • 1. Ikrimah: Orang2 ygberimantidakmengharapkanAllah mengurniakanmerekaisteri-isteridananak-cuculawaatauberpangkat, tetapiberharap agar dikurniakanmereka yang taatkepada-Nya • 2. Hasan al-Basri: Allah melihatkpdseseoranghamba Muslim ituapabilaisterinya, saudaranya, anak-anaknya, teman-temannyataatkpd Allah.. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  10. KhalifahUmarmendapatiramaidrp peniaga2 susutelahberlakukhianat – campur air dlmsusuygdijual. • Arahanmelarangmerekamelakukandanamaranhukuman • Seoranganakmenegahibunyamelakukandemikian: “AmirulMu’mininmungkintidakmelihat, tapituhanAmirulMu’mininMahaMelihat Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  11. FASA2 PERKEMBANGAN • مَا لَكُمْ لَا تَرْجُونَ لِلَّهِ وَقَارًا • Mengapakamutidakpercayaakankebesaran Allah? • وَقَدْ خَلَقَكُمْ أَطْوَارًا • PadahalDiasesungguhnyatelahmenciptakankamudalambeberapafasaperkembangan. • Al-Tawbah 71: 13-14 Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  12. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  13. هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ تُرَابٍ ثُمَّ مِنْ نُطْفَةٍ ثُمَّ مِنْ عَلَقَةٍ ثُمَّ يُخْرِجُكُمْ طِفْلًا ثُمَّ لِتَبْلُغُوا أَشُدَّكُمْ ثُمَّ لِتَكُونُوا شُيُوخًا ۚ وَمِنْكُمْ مَنْ يُتَوَفَّىٰ مِنْ قَبْلُ ۖ وَلِتَبْلُغُوا أَجَلًا مُسَمًّى وَلَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ “He it is Who created you from dust, then from a sperm drop, then from a clot, then He brings you forth as a child, then that you may attain your maturity, then that you may be old-- and of you there are some who are caused to die before-- and that you may reach an appointed term, and that you may understand.” • Ghafir40: 67 Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  14. Developmental Psychology– Fiqh Perspective • Ahliah al-WujubNaqisah • (Prenatal stage) • Ahliah al-WujubTammah/Kamilah • (From birth to mumaiyyiz) • Ahliah al-Ada’ Naqisah • (From mummaiyyizto bulugh -) • Ahliah al-Ada’ Tammah/Kamilah • (From bulugh to death, as long as he/she is `aqil) Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  15. When is the starting point of Islamic Parenting? Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  16. 0-2 YEARS Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  17. REFLEXES Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  18. PERCEPTUAL DEVELOPMENT • Vision • Visual acuity: Clear for 8-10 inches; Good vision by 6 months • Visual preference • Depth Perception • Visual Cliff experiment (Walk & Gibson, 1961) • Other Senses • Auditory memory • Direction of sound • Taste & Smell Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  19. BRAIN DEVELOPMENT Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  20. PSYCHOMOTOR DEVELOPMENT Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  21. PerkembanganSosial • Attachment - the emotional bond between an infant and the primary caregiver. • Secure - willing to explore, upset when mother departs but easily soothed upon her return. • Avoidant – unattached; explore without “touching base.” • Ambivalent - insecurely attached; upset when mother leaves and then angry with mother upon her return. • Disorganized-disoriented – insecurely attached and sometimes abused or neglected; seemed fearful, dazed, and depressed. Menu Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  22. Menu Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  23. Trust versus mistrust - first stage of personality development in which the infant’s basic sense of trust or mistrust develops as a result of consistent or inconsistent care. • Autonomy versus shame and doubt - second stage of personality development in which the toddler strives for physical independence. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  24. ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES • Exposure to basic colours/shapes, Islamic pictures, pictures of natural beauty • Exposure to objects with differing distance • Exposure to different and contrasting faces • Exposure to activities requiring the usage of hands and legs – but don’t force • Touch • Nafqahzahir Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  25. Auditory: Azan, Qur’anic readings, natural sounds, arranged sounds • Taste and smell: breastfeeding, tahnik, fruits/vegetables, natural smell, perfurme • Touch: shave hair • Others: Aqiqah, good names, khitan • Issue: Barakah Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  26. وَاللَّهُ أَخْرَجَكُمْ مِنْ بُطُونِ أُمَّهَاتِكُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ شَيْئًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُمُ السَّمْعَ وَالْأَبْصَارَ وَالْأَفْئِدَةَ ۙ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ • “It is He who brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers when you knew nothing; and He made for you hearings, visions and the hearts (af’idah( So that you may give thanks.” • Al-Nahl 16: 78 Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  27. وَهُوَ الَّذِي أَنْشَأَ لَكُمُ السَّمْعَ وَالْأَبْصَارَ وَالْأَفْئِدَةَ ۚ قَلِيلًا مَا تَشْكُرُونَ • “It is He who has created/developed (ansha’a for you hearing, vision, and the heart). But little did you give thanks.” • Al-Mu’minun23: 78 Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  28. LESSONS ON AQIDAH • Allah has the power of the development of our 0-2 years old children. Don’t forget du’a and tawakkal. • Kisah: Nabi Musa danNabi Isa AS Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  29. ISSUES: • Computers: The good and the bad Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  30. 2-5 YEARS OLD Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  31. FOUNDATION: SPIRITUAL EDUCATION • Religious fitrah/nature – understanding aqidah in its simplest form • Introduce them to Allah, His attributes and His greatness • Introduce them to Al-Anbiya’ and their struggles, the role of angels and devils, the Day of Judgement Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  32. PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT • Gross Skills: • Walking, running, balancing, co-ordinating. • Fine Skills: • Fingers, toes, eyes e.g. drawing, writing, holding, throwing, waving, catching, etc. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  33. ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES • Hygiene at home and the environment • Avoiding/treating illnesses e.g. immunes system, weather, medication • Diet: Halal and tayyib – balanced, no intoxicant • Physical games e.g. playground, exercise, sports • Adab while eating, drinking, and sleeping Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  34. Hadith: “Cleanse your body so that Allah will cleanse you.”(riwayatTibrani) • Hadith: “Indeed Allah is good and He likes good things. He is clean and He likes clean things. (riwayatTirmizi) • Issue: Cleanliness in UK Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  35. Hadith: "There is a cure for every disease. Whenever an illness is treated with its right remedy, it will, by Allah's permission, be cured." (Muslim) • Issue: Children’s Health Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  36. Hadith: "No human ever filled a container more evil than his belly. The few morsels needed to support his being shall suffice the son of Adam. But if there is no recourse then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath." (Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi) • Issue: Children’s Diet Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  37. COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT • Preoperational stage - the preschool child learns to use language as a means of exploring the world. • Egocentrism - the inability to see the world through anyone else’s eyes. • Centration - the tendency of a young child to focus only on one feature of an object while ignoring other relevant features. • Conservation - the ability to understand that simply changing the appearance of an object does not change the object’s nature. • Irreversibility - the inability of the young child to mentally reverse an action. • Still depends on individuals and culture Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  38. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  39. ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES • Imam Al-Ghazali RH on understanding concepts via language: • Teach the concepts of khusyu’, tawadu’, raja’, adil, hikmah, shaja’ah, hubb, iffah • Start early: Use models/examples • May not understand fully at first, but they will when they reach 5-6 years old. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  40. SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  41. Initiative vs guilt – • the preschool-aged child strives for emotional and psychological independence and attempts to satisfy curiosity about the world. Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  42. PARENTING STYLES • Authoritarian parents • Control behaviour rigidly; unquestioning obedience • Permissive-indifferent parents • Too little control; fail to set limits on behaviour; neglectful & inattentive • Permissive-indulgent parents • Attentive & supportive; fail to set limits on behaviour • Authoritative parents • Provide firm structure & guidance w/o being overly controlling; listen to children’s opinion; give explanations for their decisions; made clear that parents who make & enforce rules Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  43. Outcomes • Authoritarian parents • Children: poor comm. Skills, moody, withdrawn, distrustful • Permissive-indifferent parents • Children: overly dependent, lacking in social skills, self-control • Permissive-indulgent parents • Children: immature, disrespectful, impulsive, out of control • Authoritative parents • Children: self-reliant, socially responsible Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  44. Hadith: Rasulullah SAW kissed Hasandan Husain RA • Hadith: Rasulullah SAW let them play ‘horse’ while he’s prostrating during salatjama’ah at the mosque • Hadith: letting Aishah RA play with dolls • Imam al-Ghazali: Let the children play after studying/learning Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  45. ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES • Teach the meaning of life: what, why, where, when, how? • Allah’s existence; role in this world, human nature e.g. good vs. evil • Teach good spoken language • Expose to natural beauty • Expose to good readings Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  46. Muhammad al-Ghazali: Exposure to nature will cleanse the fitrah, ensure healthy physical/spiritual development, and develop thinking skills • Opportunity in UK? • Examples of good readings Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  47. SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT • Started to know that gender cannot be changed • Issue: Where does baby come from? Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  48. ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES • Encourage social interaction e.g. mosques, Islamic activities, and school activities • Encourage good deeds; Make them aware of bad deeds • Educate on collective ibadah • Teach the differences between boys and girls • Teach adabs Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  49. LESSONS ON AQIDAH • Allah has the power over the development of 2-5 years old children • Western secular theories are based on scientific observation but still have biases in terms of methods and cultural influences Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

  50. ISSUES • Nursery, Maids, or Full-time mother? • Music: The goods and the bads? Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

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