“Show” don’t “Tell”

1. “Show” don’t “Tell” Tips & Tricks Using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts to improve your Personal Narrative Essay.

2. Show me... • Show me, don’t tell me… • Often time, writers fall into the habit of telling a reader, but to engage the reader, make him feel like he is in the situation with you by vividly describing it. • Don’t just tell me – “It was incredibly funny” • Instead, show me with vivid, sensory details **Keep this in mind for the next slide…

3. Warm Up • Show me – “It was incredibly funny.” To help you get started, watch the following funny clip and then write a description of what is happening that would let a reader come to the conclusion that it was incredibly funny. • Literally write down what you hear, see, or any dialogue that is used. Try to answer the following questions: What is the baby doing? How is he laughing? What is so funny? What is the baby laughing at? What sounds do you hear in the background? • Use your answers to help provide the description of what is happening. Laughing Baby

4. Example of “Telling” One day George was riding his bike. A guy came up to him. He chased George into a dark alley. George rode through it fast and the man stopped to rest. • How could we revise this using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts? With your elbow partner, rewrite the paragraph above on a separate sheet of paper. **Make sure to keep in mind/answer the following questions in your rewrite: • Where was George when he saw the man? • What else did he see as he rode? • What did the man look like? • What did he do? Did he say anything? • What was George thinking as the man approached him?

5. Revised for “Showing” George pedaled into the dark alley. Off to his right he glimpsed a trash can. Crouched behind the can was a man in a short-sleeved shirt. George could see a tattoo on his arm. (sensory details) Seeing George, the man held out a cigarette. “Gotta light?” he asked. (dialogue) “Smoking’s bad for you,” George said. Suddenly his adrenaline began pumping. What if this guy tried to kidnap him? (personal thoughts)

6. Example of Telling Mary opened her present quickly. She took out a doll. It was the one she’d always wanted. She thanked her parents, and happily started to play with it. • How could we revise this using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts? With your elbow partner, turn the “telling” example into a “showing” example. **Consider the following questions: • Where was Mary when she opened the present? • What did the doll look like? • What kind of doll was it (brand)? • Why did Mary want this doll in particular? • What did she specifically say to her parents? • How did she play with the doll? • Where did she take the doll to play?

7. Example of “Showing” “Oh my gosh,” shrieked Mary. (dialogue)The “new toy smell” filled Mary’s nostrils. (sensory details) Before even taking her out of the box, Mary noticed the spur boots and cowboy hat. (description) “Mom and Dad, how did you know I wanted her?” she asked. Mary’s father shot her mother a wink making a note of the price tag. “We noticed that you could not keep your eyes off of her when we went to the American Girl Store in Chicago last month,” replied her mother. Mary’s eyes lit up and an upward crack formed along her lip line. (sensory details) “You are the best parents a girl could ask for her.” What would she do if she found out her parents bought her a knock off? (personal thoughts)

8. One More Example SHOW (don't tell) your character's traits and feelings! Example: Jerry was a spoiled brat. (Main character is Sharon, his older sister.) • ACTION/DESCRIPTION (Think VERBS! and sneaky description): Jerry's brown eyes NARROWED into slits. He STAMPED his foot. • DIALOGUE: "I don't care what you say. I want some candy and I'm going to have it!" • THOUGHTS: Mom would have a fit if I acted like that, thought Sharon.

9. Practice Directions: Provide your own example of action/description, dialogue and personal thoughts for the following sentences. Mr. Schmitt is a nice guy. • ACTION/DESCRIPTION: • DIALOGUE: • PERSONAL THOUGHTS: I lost my iPhone on the bus. • ACTION/DESCRIPTION: • DIALOGUE: • PERSONAL THOUGHTS:

10. On Your Own • Switch essays with a partner and have them read it. Highlight any parts of their essay that “tell” the action instead of “showing” it. **Write suggestions regarding how your partner can incorporate action, sensory details, dialogue and personal thoughts to their essay. • Switch back and go through your partner’s comments. In a different color, highlight any parts of your essay that “tell” the action instead of “showing” it. • Rewrite any of the sections that you or your partner noted.