Scriptural Guidelines For Choosing A Mate

1. Scriptural Guidelines For Choosing A Mate Text: Mt. 19:5-6 David Pike January 14, 2007

2. Introduction • God Designed Marriage to be Permanent – • One man, one woman for life - "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,and said For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave [glued] to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (Mt. 19:4-6). • Selecting a mate is one of the most important decisions of life. Don’t take it lightly! • Before saying “I do,” legitimate questions should be asked. • What questions should be asked?

3. Are You Ready? • Be prepared! • Am I ready to make a lifelong commitment? Am I ready to make adjustments? Do I have basic life skills? What do I have to offer? • Think before you act. • “See that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise. Therefore do not be unwise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ep. 5:15-17) • “An excellent wife is the crown to her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” (Pr. 12:4; cf. 19:14).

4. Does The Mate Believe In God? • We can believe and trust in a person, but: • Do they believe there is a God? • Are they prepared do their best to obey the will of God? • If not, then you will be marrying a fool – “the fool has said in his heart there is no God.” (Ps. 14:1) • Is this what you want? • Can you be spiritually stable in such a set of circumstances? • Can such a mate really give you the genuine spiritual encouragement that you need in such a situation?

5. Has The Mate Been Married Before? • Is the person an eligible marriage partner? • A person never married before - “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” (I Co. 7:1-2; cf. Mt. 19:4-6). • A person who has divorced their mate for fornication – “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Mt. 19:9; cf. Mk. 10:11-12; Lk. 16:18). • A person whose mate died - “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” (I Co. 7:39; cf. Ro. 7:2-3). • STOP!!! If you are considering anyone else.

6. Has The Mate Been Married Before? • Regardless of the emotional attraction you “think” you have, they have no right to marry you. • Do not put your soul in eternal peril for pleasure and happiness you think you may have in this life. • “For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and lose his own soul.” (Mt. 16:26).

7. Is The Mate A Faithful Member of the Church? • Just being a member of the church is not enough. • Is the person faithful? Will they go to worship? • If not, then you will not be marrying a faithful Christian which is unwise – “Do we have the right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles, and the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas?” (I Co. 9:5) • A member who is not faithful in study, attendance, teaching, and living will be a detriment, not an asset. • We are commanded to “continue growing in grace and knowledge.” (2 Pt. 3:18) • Do you really want or need someone who cannot assist you in accomplishing your growth in the Lord?

8. Is The Mate A Faithful Member of the Church? • A non-Christian mate… • Cannot help you with what matters most. • May influence you away from the Lord. • Will hold you back in service to the Lord. • Makes solving problems more difficult. • Makes your parental obligations more difficult. • Increases the burden when he/she dies. • “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God.” (II Co. 6:14-18)

9. Are You Selecting The Mate Because of Good Looks or The Person Is Good? • A person is better off marrying a person who looks like they have been “run over by a Mack truck,” but they are thoughtful, gentle, and godly. • A person is worse off marrying a person with a “regal and stately appearance,” but they engage in verbal/physical abuse, brutality, and has no respect for God or you and your feelings. • Physical beauty will last as long as “Father time” is merciful. • The most adorable will lose their youth beauty – “rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Pt. 3:3-6). • Let someone love you for you without placing too much emphasis on outward, fleeting beauty.

10. How Is The Mate Treating You During Courtship? • Is he attempting to get you to cast aside your virginity for a few moments of sinful sexual pleasure? (Ge. 39) • Has he attempted to force you into sexual activity? (2 Sm. 13) • Have you found the person to be completely loyal to you during the courtship, or has he played the field with many women? Has she played with many men? (Consider the Shunnamite in Song of Solomon) • Does he attempt to engage in petting during dates? (Ez. 23, cf. 1 Co. 7:1-2) Does he seek to put his hands in places that are to be kept private until you are married? • If so, how can you be sure that he can be trusted and respected after marriage?

11. Is The Mate Willing to Have, Lead or Care For A Family? • Does he have a sense of responsibility? • Is he qualified to assume the role of a husband, the leader of the family? – “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church.” (Ep. 5:22-33; cf. Co. 3:18-21) • Is he ready to support a family? – “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.” (2 Th. 3:10; 1 Tm. 5:8; Ep. 4:28; Ge. 2:24) • Does she understand the profound duty of guiding a house? • Is she capable of managing a household? – “to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” (Ti. 2:5; cf. 1 Tm. 5:8). • Is she willing to bear and rear children – “Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.” (1 Tm. 2:15).

12. Is The Mate Willing to Have, Lead or Care For A Family? • Are both of you ready to leave home and cleave unto one another? – “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and thetwo shall become one flesh.”(Ep. 5:31; cf. Ge. 2:24; Mt. 19:5) • Are you prepared to do with less and share more? • Will you think of others above yourself? • “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (Ph. 2:3)

13. Final Thoughts • Marriage is only for those who are prepared spiritually, morally, emotionally, paternally, experientially. • Is the person you are considering as a prospective spouse prepared? • Consider the consequences of an improper choice to your happiness, family, off-spring, to the church, and to your soul.