To begin…

1. To begin… Please read and respond to this student paper as you would typically respond to one of your own students. The student has written a personal narrative essay, and this is an early draft.

2. Reconsidering the Red Pen: Moving towards a multi-role feedback model and setting the “marking pen” aside Rachel Lutwick-Deaner Great Lakes Writers Institute 2013

3. Outline for Today Where I’m coming from My current practice Mentor text Self-analysis Applying the mentor text Conclusions

4. Where I’m Coming From Formal Training in Teaching College Comp 16 years of Teaching Writing in a College Setting Taught between 1-4 classes a semester Varying Exposure to Current Research

5. Nancy Sommers (1980) Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers

6. Revision Strategies (Sommers, 1980) Local I say scratch out and do over, and that means what it says. I read what I have written and I cross out a word and put another word in… Reviewing means just using better words and eliminating words that are not needed. Redoing means cleaning up the paper and crossing out. It is looking at something and saying, not that has to go. I don’t use the word rewriting because I only write one draft and the changes that I make are made on top of the draft. The changes that I make are usually just marking out words and putting different ones in. Global It is a matter of looking at the kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and actually restructuring it. Rewriting means on one level, finding the argument, and on another level, language changes to make the argument more effective. Most of the time I feel as I can go on rewriting forever. My first draft is usually very scattered. In rewriting, I find the line of argument. After the argument is resolved, I am much more interested in word choice and phrasing. It means taking apart what I have written and putting it back together again.

7. Local Revision Strategies I say scratch out and do over, and that means what it says. I read what I have written and I cross out a word and put another word in… Reviewing means just using better words and eliminating words that are not needed. Redoing means cleaning up the paper and crossing out. It is looking at something and saying, not that has to go. I don’t use the word rewriting because I only write one draft and the changes that I make are made on top of the draft. The changes that I make are usually just marking out words and putting different ones in.

8. Global Revision Strategies It is a matter of looking at the kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and actually restructuring it. Rewriting means on one level, finding the argument, and on another level, language changes to make the argument more effective. Most of the time I feel as I can go on rewriting forever. My first draft is usually very scattered. In rewriting, I find the line of argument. After the argument is resolved, I am much more interested in word choice and phrasing. It means taking apart what I have written and putting it back together again.

9. From Revision to Feedback, at Draft Level

10. “Regardless of how much experience we have or how much we have put into honing our methods, I believe that each of us could benefit from examining the ways we respond, looking at the ways other teachers go about making comments on student writing, and expanding our repertoire of response strategies.” ~Richard Straub, Introduction. A Sourcebook for Responding to Student Writing

11. My Practice, Before Analysis • Feedback on discussion board • Peer review sheets • Highs and Lows • Online student feedback forms • Camtasia feedback

12. Black Board Discussion Board—Instructor Feedback

13. Peer Review Sheet Word Document

14. Highs And Lows Presentations

15. Online Student Feedback Forms

16. Camtasia Feedback http://raidercast.grcc.edu/relay/rlutwickdeaner/2013/Feedback_for_Jen.2.28_-_Flash_(Original_Size)_-_20130228_10.08.59PM.html

17. “Regardless of how much experience we have or how much we have put into honing our methods, I believe that each of us could benefit from examining the ways we respond, looking at the ways other teachers go about making comments on student writing, and expanding our repertoire of response strategies.” ~Richard Straub, Introduction. A Sourcebook for Responding to Student Writing

18. Analysis of Teacher Feedback Changing Roles: Providing written feedback to student writers by moving from the ideal-text bearer to the roles of coach, reader, and editor Jennifer L. Van Der Heide

19. Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback Role #1: Bearer of ideal text

20. Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback Role #1: Bearer of ideal text Role #2: Coach

21. Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback Role #1: Bearer of ideal text Role #2: Coach Role #3: Reader

22. Van Der Heide’s 4 Kinds of Teacher Feedback Role #1: Bearer of ideal text Role #2: Coach Role #3: Reader Role #4: Editor

23. Role #1: Bearer of Ideal Text Define epic hero. Explain how these situations needed strength. Who said this and why? I would also include a concluding sentence here. Include a 2nd similarity.

24. Role #2: Coach Do you think it’s effective to end in a question like this? What if someone answered no? What was the consequence of this for Romeo? Why won’t she? Why doesn’t he like Romeo?

25. Role #3: Reader “This piece had me laughing out loud-I loved it! Great detail and voice-you really showed your personality.” I’m confused at this point in your text. You lost me when you started talking about miniature horses.

26. Role #4: Editor Typical marginal comments related to commas, sentence fragments, run-ons, etc.

27. Analysis of Feedback on Student Paper Label your feedback. What roles have you played and where? Role #1: Bearer of ideal text Role #2: Coach Role #3: Reader Role #4: Editor

28. What is…. Awk Expand Be more concise Can you try a different opener? I’m confused here

29. What Should We Be Doing?

30. Van Der Heide’s Conclusions Early typed Draft Role: Coach The responder poses questions, makes suggestions, and points out problems. Example: “How might you change the order of your main points to make them more effective?”

31. Van Der Heide’s Conclusions “Final” Draft Role: Editor The responder points out errors in grammar, usage, mechanics, and spelling Circling spelling, capitalization, and punctuation errors. Underlining fragments and run-ons.

32. Van Der Heide’s Conclusions Final Graded Draft Role: Reader The responder shares thoughts and feelings as a reader. “I was very convinced by your argument.” Role: Evaluator The responder grades the writing. “I can’t believe that really happened!”

33. Play The Roles: Another Student Draft Coach Reader Editor Try to play the role that you did not play in the initial draft

34. What I’ve Learned I began this process thinking about the problems associated with marking grammar and mechanics and how sentence-level feedback can inhibit a writer’s progress. I have come to appreciate, through Van Der Heide’s work, that a more important change is to resist being the Bearer of Ideal Text, whether you are “correcting” as an editor or “correcting” because you feel that the topic, voice, line of prose is not right.

35. Next Steps for Me as Writing Teacher Recognizing tension between allowing students to discover their own voices and preparing them to write for a college audience. Recognizing the need to engage in discourse about their writing and avoiding being the bearer of ideal text. Continuing to make students responsible for their sentence level work.

36. Works Cited Sommers, N. (1997). Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers. In V. Villanueva (Ed.), Cross Talk in Comp Theory: A Reader (pp. 43-54). Urbana, IL: National Council of Teachers of English. Straub, R. (1999). Introduction. In R. Straub (Ed.), Sourcebook for Responding to Student Writing (pp. 1-7). Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press. Van Der Heide, J. Changing Roles: Providing written feedback to student writers by moving from the ideal-text bearer to the roles of coach, reader, and editor. Unpublished manuscript.