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Once upon a time there was a boy named Evriwan…. Oi oi! This is Evriwan speaking! Welcome to this wonderful little presentation!. There are going to be some HUGE smiles, so that’s why I’m holding my arms out like this!. Anyway, Evriwan really LOVED music….
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Oi oi! This is Evriwan speaking! Welcome to this wonderful little presentation!
There are going to be some HUGE smiles, so that’s why I’m holding my arms out like this!
…especially Underground Dance music, like Jungle & Hardcore!
Then, Evriwan came to a realisation… All this thinking keeps leading back to the same place!
Booking time in a dedicated studio could be Evriwan’s golden ticket into the world of music production!
Ideally, I’d like to book a studio with an engineer who understands my kind of music, and its history. They must be passionate and experienced, with the equipment and skills to create any sound I want, human skills to cooperate with my ideas, and the technical skills to make it sound professional…
…They need to be patient, reliable and professional, with a good understanding of DJ’ing, music and composition theory - hopefully even happy to share production techniques. Am I asking too much?…
What!? Where’d you come from? I haven’t even been rubbing up a lamp!
SILENCE!!! FOR FIFTY-THOUSAND YEARS, HERE I’VE BEEN TRAPPED. YOU’VE BEEN RUBBING UP THAT LAMP FOR SO LONG, YOU FORGOT YOU WERE EVEN HOLDING IT!
Oh yeah! So I have!! You were right, Genie! I must have been rubbing up this lamp all along!
Just one!? I thought genies were supposed to grant three absolutely fantastic wishes?
BLEEDIN’ELL, KID! DO I LOOK LIKE I’VE GOT ALL NIGHT? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, I’M JUST GONNA GRANT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS WISH OF FINDING A STUDIO ENGINEER WHO MEETS ALL YOUR DEMANDS. ABRACABOSSAK!!!
So… Evriwan went back to the daily routine of raving it up on a random bright-green hill, to the sounds of a mysterious speaker suspended in midair.
But even though the mysterious floating speaker had fallen on the floor, something didn’t quite feel right to Evriwan… I think there’s something at the bottom of my pocket!
Evriwan found the business card of a guy named Hattrixx… HattrixxOwen PalmerNew Asylum Music Inc. Studio Engineer Producer / Remixer Underground DJ Tel: +44(0)7821 401 200 Web: http://www.hattrixx.co.uk
Well, this Hattrixx has a nice website! There’s a lot to listen to on here. Oooh, there’s even a couple of free tracks to download… And resources for producers. The studio service sounds like everything I need! Am I still dreaming?
So, a little nervous, Evriwan went to a nice, quiet spot to give Hattrixx a call… Hello, Hattrixx?
I’m a bit new to all this, but excited ‘cos music is my passion! What do you use, and how long have you been doing production? I mean, are you good with stuff like sampling? I guess there’s a whole variety of skills required to do what you do and I’m not sure what they are. Your website says you do 10-hour sessions… is that really enough time to produce a tune?
Woa! Slow down, man. Yeah, music’s my passion too! I’ve made tracks since ’95. I run a Nuendo system, which I chose mainly for its MIDI. Sampling is no problem here, but most sounds we’ll make on the spot – I’m fluent with analogue and digital sound design, so there’s no need to search for sounds. 10 hours is plenty of time, as long as you know what you want. That’s the minimum requirement!
I’m not too clued up on the technical side of things, but you seem confident that’s not a problem. I’d like to record a singer, as well. And if I hum stuff, can you re-play it on the keyboard? What I don’t want is for you to just do all the work for me… I’d like to get involved, so I can actually say it’s my tune without my nose growing like Pinocchio!
P OI! Why you always gotta diss me for, Evriwan?
P Pinocchio! What are you doing here? I’m on the phone to Hattrixx! You keep cussing me, and I think it’s BANG out of order, just ‘cos I’m made out of wood! I’m a wicked MC, don’t you know?!
P I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Pinny! Hah! That’s MC PINOCCHIO to you! And going to Hattrixx? You’re pathetic, you haven’t even got a girlfriend!
AH HA HA HA! Yes I have! Her name’s Minimoo! Evriwan! P
Evriwan is my new lover, now rack off! MEHHH!!! P Hello?
With Pinny gone and the wind in their hair, the two lovers kissed goodbye… Hello?
That’s all cool! No problem if you don’t have the technical knowledge, I’ll translate your ideas into music. If you have the vision of what you want, we’ll achieve it. I won’t form all the ideas for you, there are other studios if your laziness out-weighs your passion, BUT my studies of music and composition theory allow me to guide you through the process of even the most complex creations, quickly and easily. Your own music, satisfaction guaranteed!
Sounds very reasonable! How much do you charge to polish the tune after our session? Does your name go on the record, next to mine?
No… none of that crap, with me. I don’t charge extra to mixdown – I do all finishing touches after the session at no additional cost. I don’t take any extra money off you, no matter the sales. The closest I get to an extra cost is if I arrange for a vocalist, you have to negotiate pay with them, separately. Other than that, it’s just my flat fee, and only if you’re completely happy!
I can’t wait! After the phonecall, Evriwan felt a rush coming on!
I’m so pleased with the quality of my new tunes, Minimoo! This is one of the happiest times of my life! Yeah, you’ve done really well, Evriwan! I’m so proud of you!
