THEME II MAKE FRIENDS WITH TIME

1. THEME IIMAKE FRIENDS WITH TIME Jörgen Larsson PhD, of the Chalmers University of Technology, Gothenburg, and author Fredrik Warberg, Föreningen Tidsverkstaden, have had the main responsibility for designing the theme in cooperation with Professor Karin C Ringsberg, Nordic School of Public Health NHV.

2. Purpose The purpose of Theme II is to give participants the chance to learn more about the correlation between health and lifestyle and our relationship with time, while also finding time strategies that will benefit the entire family. J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

3. Theme II is divided intofour areas of discussion Discussion area 1: Time pressure. Reflection and discussion of how we experience time and time pressure. Discussion area 2: Time profile. To what extent do we find that we do not have enough time? How happy are we with the way in which we divide and use our time for the various day-to-day activities? To find the answers, the time profile is filled in by each participant. Discussion area 3: Expectations and norms. How are we and our use of time affected by norms? Discussion area 4: Strategies for increased temporal welfare. Discussion about how our own temporal welfare can benefit children and families. Strategies and initiatives for improving our temporal welfare. J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

4. Table 1. How parents in the Nordic countries experience time pressure in day-to-day life. Source:NordChild 2011 J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

6. Discussion issues – Exercise 1 • Did any of you find there was little difference between how you felt about this and how you wished you felt about it? • What was it like for the others among you? J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

7. Worksheet 2(a) and (b) True or false statements • 76% of all those with children living at home say they often have so much to do on weekdays that they have difficulty finding time for everything that needs doing. • 31% of all those without children living at home say they often have so much to do on weekdays that they have difficulty finding time for everything that needs doing. • People who are under time pressure spend 36 minutes less per working day sleeping, exercising and socialising than those not under time pressure. • Between 1976 and 2004, the average weekly working hours of mothers of nursery school children increased by just over 70%. • Between 1976 and 2004, the average weekly working hours of fathers of nursery school children increased by 5%. • Around a quarter of fathers of children aged 3–4 years who work full time would like to work fewer hours – even with reduced pay. • Mothers are ten times more likely than fathers to work part-time because they have children. • In 2009, the Swedish Social Insurance Agency (Försäkringskassan) paid out approx. SEK 2 billion directly as a result of the diagnosis “stress reactions”. • In 2010, fathers took around 40% of parental leave. • When children list whom they most want to talk to when they are upset, “Dad” comes in 5th place. J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

8. TRUE FALSE TRUE FALSE TRUE FALSE 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

9. Table 2. Division of working hours by parents in the Nordic countries 2011. J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg Source:NordChild 2011

10. Discussion issues – Exercise 2 • How do you think children experience time pressure? • What do you think children feel time pressure about? • What do you think your child thinks about you when you are under time pressure? J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

11. How is your temporal welfare? You can reflect on this using this Time Profile. Your Time Profile can also act as the basis for interesting discussions with those close to you. The concept of “temporal welfare” covers both the extent to which we find we have or do not have enough time, and how happy we are with the way in which we divide and use our time for the necessary and pleasurable activities of everyday life. The Time Profile consist of 20 positively worded statements where you indicate the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Completely disagree Mainly disagree Completely agree Mainly agree The reply options can be interpreted in different ways, but what is important is your own interpretation. Certain questions contain two statements. In these cases, you must agree with both statements to choose the reply option Completely agree. • I rarely or never feel rushed, stressed or pressed for time • I think I have realistic ambitions about what I will have time to do on a daily basis • I find that my current day-to-day “pace of life” is reasonable • I don’t feel pressurised by the things that need to be done in the home • I devote as much time to the children as I would like • My partner and I spend enough time together to help maintain our relationship • I don’t think about work when I am with my family • I can spend the necessary time on things to do them well enough • I don’t feel pressurised by the things that need to be done in the home • I usually feel thoroughly rested • I have time to recuperate whenever I am ill • I am happy with the way I divide my time on a day-to-day basis • I make a conscious choice about which activities to spend time on, discarding those I don't want to • I spend just the right number of hours a week at work (or other day-to-day activity) • I have enough time for my own interests • I spend just the right amount of time socialising • I find that I can influence the way I spend my time if I need to • I don’t spend any more time than I would like watching TV, online, playing TV, computer games, etc. • I spend the time I think I need to keep my body in trim • I have enough regular opportunities during the day to relax and feel calm 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. My Time Profile: Name:…………………………………………….. Date ..….. – …..… – 20……. Once you have ticked off your answer, you can add one point to your current temporal welfare score. Don’t compare your scores with those of others. By filling it in from time to time, however, you can compare your score with your previous results and see if there have been any changes for you. First, add up the number of ticks in each column and then multiply by 0 for each “completely disagree”, by 1 for each “mainly disagree”, by 3 for each “mainly agree”, and by 4 for each “completely agree”. Add the subtotals together to give your current temporal welfare score. Then think of anything specific you can do to change what you want and what you need. Good luck. Number of ticks x 1 = x 3 = x 4 = x 0 = Number of ticks x 0, 1, 3 or 4 = 0 MY SCORE The Time Profile has been developed by the Association of Time Workshops (Föreningen Tidsverkstaden) and can be downloaded from www.tidsverkstaden.se

12. Issue for discussion – Exercise 2 • What will you be thinking of when you consider the statements in the Time Profile? J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

13. Discussion issues – Exercise 4 • What should a “good mother” and “good father” be like according to the expectations and norms of society today? • What do you and your children tend to do together? • How much time do you spend on activities with your child? J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

14. Table 3. Children and their parents’ activities in the Nordic countries, divided into the age groups 2–6 years and 7–17 years. Source:NordChild 2011 J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

15. What are society’s expectations and norms like in terms of being a “successful person”? Worksheet 4. • Work • Consumption • Health and leisure time • Relationships • Other J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

16. Discussion issues – Exercise 4 • Where do these norms come from? • To what extent are we influenced by norms? • What can we do so that we are influenced less? J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

17. Worksheet 6. Strategies for increased temporal welfare. 1.Reduce expectations/ambitions: 2.Improve my use of resources: Are my ambitions, and the expectations surrounding me, reasonable for me as the parent of a small child? Which of the points below could I imagine myself thinking about in more detail/trying? Are there any other things you can try? Do I use my time resources and those of other people in a smart way? Which of the points below could I imagine myself thinking about in more detail/trying? Are there any other things you can try? • concentrating a bit less on work • lowering my ambitions about keeping the house clean and tidy • cutting back a bit on my own leisure interests • questioning the extent of the children’s leisure activities • reducing consumption a little bit – fewer holidays, gadgets, clothes and other possessions • lowering my ambitions about having an attractive appearance • questioning how many friends and relatives it is reasonable to find time for socialising with • not starting off any new time-consuming projects • turning down things that take a lot of time • …………………………………………………………….. • …………………………………………………………….. • …………………………………………………………….. • reviewing how I spend my time and spending more time on things that are really important, as well as reining in the “time thieves” (things that take time but don’t provide anything) • ensuring I get enough of the things that give me strength and energy • equalling out the distribution of domestic chores among the family • asking other people for help – family, friends, neighbours, etc. • buying services that save time • discussing flexitime/home working/part-time working for parents with my employer • …………………………………………………………….. • …………………………………………………………….. • …………………………………………………………….. • ……………………………………………………………..

18. Worksheet 7. My personal time initiatives.Things I must do to increase my temporal welfare and that of my family • I must …………………………………………………………………………………… • I must …………………………………………………………………………………… • I must …………………………………………………………………………………… • I must …………………………………………………………………………………… It is better to decide on a few personal time initiatives that really produce results rather than on a lot that don’t.However, if you do think up a lot of non time-consuming or demanding ways of improving your temporal welfare and that of your family, you can write them down below. J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

19. Worksheet 8. Examples of personal time initiatives – minor or major things you can do to improve your temporal welfare. • I must question the demands I make of myself at work • I must slow down and take a mental break from my career until Emma is six years old • I must remind myself of the things I actually got done at work rather than those I didn’t • I must structure my to-do list weekly in terms of what is “important” and what is “urgent” • I must take a lunch break every day • I must leave the computer at work • I must think: it will help no-one if I have a breakdown • I must think: the world won’t end if it isn’t me who sorts this out • I must actively choose not to go to meetings I don’t want to • I must start talking to my boss about changing my schedule • I must speak to my boss about part-time working by March at the latest • I must reserve days for catching up • I must reserve time for doing routine jobs • I must switch off my incoming e-mail alert • I must reply to my e-mails at specific times • I mustn’t work at weekends • I must work from home one day a week • I must take the initiative for a discussion on how we could live more cheaply and work less • I must stop getting annoyed about not getting things done that I can’t or don’t have the energy to try to influence • I must reflect on my time thieves and how I can reduce them • I must draw up a list of energy thieves and charges • I must urge us to plan two TV-free weeks in the autumn, winter and spring • I must watch no more than four hours’ TV per week • I must go to bed by 10.15 pm at the latest on weekdays • I must spend less time putting on make-up • I must give Hannah a cuddle at least once a day • I must ask Oliver how his day went today within a minute of us meeting, and listen to his answer • I must let Lucy finish talking before I become irritated or annoyed • I must leave John to tidy up the kitchen on his own and not make any reproachful remarks afterwards • I must mention what I appreciate about the children and Len • I must take the initiative and start a discussion about how we can find just the right pace of life • I must put forward the issue of reducing the need for tidiness at home • I must offer to take care of doing the washing • I must think “I can spend more time on this when the children are older” • I must put a note up at work: “children are only young once” • I must take a day off every four weeks to spend with Gustav • I must reserve some free evenings to do spontaneous family things • I must switch off all thoughts of work when I am with the children • I must postpone or scrap plans to renovate the kitchen • I must take the initiative for family advice • I must have a chat to Sigrid about how many activities a week is reasonable • I must think positive thoughts when I cross the doorstep coming home • I must speak to the neighbours about cooperating with dropping off and picking up the children • I must not watch TV alone • I must ask for time to think before saying yes or no... “nice of you to ask, I’ll see if I can” • I must devise a more reasonable workload • I must cut down on the number of activities I’m involved with • I must use GOOD ENOUGH as my mantra • I must make a list of my perceived “must-dos” by 15 March at the latest and delete the things that are unnecessary J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg

20. Discussion issues – Exercises 6, 7, 8 • What public, personal time initiatives have you chosen? • How many non-public, personal time initiatives have you chosen? • Are there other ways – apart from telling other people, that is – to keep initiatives for improvement alive? • What more can you do to improve the conditions for really getting to grips with your personal time initiatives and not forgetting them? J Larsson, F Warberg, KC Ringsberg