Counseling Group

1. Counseling Group By Jill Hutzel

2. CHILDREN OF DIVORCE The lives and relationships of children in a divorcing family are profoundly affected- socially, economically, psychologically, and even legally. Papilia, Olds, and Feldman (2009) outlined the stresses of divorce as a chain of events. It begins with the conflict before the divorce and continues with the aftermath that may involve relocations, loss of friends, changes in socioeconomic status, redefining relationships with both parents and perhaps adjusting to the remarriage of one or both parents. Children must adjust to separation from one parent and formation of a new and different relationship with the other. A change in the family’s economic status, possibly a change in the home and school environment, different parenting styles, custody battles, and sometimes totally different lifestyles create feelings that may be positive or negative. Often, mothers who were totally involved in the care of children and home may have to go to work; many are unskilled and accept low-paying jobs. The income loss may be compounded by increased work, job instability, and move to less desirable neighborhoods (Sayer, 2006). Children may be torn by conflicting loyalties or learn to manipulate the parents to get their own way. Children of divorced parents may be asked to assume the role of the absent parent and to fulfill physical or emotional responsibilities beyond their maturity level.

3. CHILDREN OF DIVORCE Wallerstein (2008) identifies these concerns of young people. The children are afraid. They may not understand who will provide food, housing, clothes, and protection. They may be concerned that if the marriage can fail, the parent-child relationship can also be terminated. The children may be sad; may have changes in sleeping, eating, and paying attention; and may have emotional swings. They may want more contact with the absent parent and may continue to hope for reconciliation. The children may be lonely, overlooked by parents who are preoccupied with the divorce. The youngsters may feel rejected and may have conflicting loyalties. Finally, they may be angry about all the changes in their lives. Wallerstein notes that the priMelanie peril of divorce is adverse effects on the child’s development.

4. Counseling Group: Divorce Group Individuals: Claire, Lynn, Alison and Melanie Grades: 8th –Claire, Lynn, Alison and 7th- Melanie (Retained) (Each student besides Melanie are Non-Mandated students for counseling) WHY AM I RUNNING THIS PARTICULAR GROUP?: Our Social Worker who has originally has this group (all three years) is out on Maternity Leave since November. She came to me specifically and asked if I would like to sit in with the group, observe, and then make a decision on whether or not I would like to run this group myself. I had originally been working with Melanie due to academic reasons and other concerns due to her classification of being Emotionally Disturbed. I was familiar with Melanie and we had a strong rapport to begin with. The other girls within the group are not classified but I knew from the beginning that this would be a great opportunity to counsel a group of students such as them. Each girl was interesting from the beginning with all different backgrounds yet, all came from Divorce families such as myself. I had a strong feeling that we could all work together to become increasingly comfortable with our home situations , our emotions and generally, how to deal with a family that is split. From what I have noticed in the past couple of months, I have really looked forward to meeting with this group. I believe we accomplish a lot as a group and we are all in high spirits when the session has ended.

5. GENERAL GOALS FOR THE GROUP Acknowledging the Reality of the Marriage Breakup- Supportive counseling techniques including listening, reflection, clarification, and problem solving, and perhaps stress-reduction techniques such as relaxation. Disengaging from Parental Conflict and Distress and Resuming Custom Pursuits- The resolution of this tasks calls for children to distance themselves from the crisis in their household and resume their normal learning tasks, outside activities, and friendships. Resolution of Loss- Divorce brings not only loss of a parent but often loss of familiar surroundings and possibly different life-styles. Building Self-Esteem techniques may be helpful for this goal Resolving Anger and Self-Blame- Children may blame themselves for the divorce of their parents or the “breakup” of their family. The child’s ability to forgive him or herself for the divorce or lack of reconciliation is a significant step toward forgiving the parents and reconciling the relationship with the parents- Group problem-solving discussions help children find constructive ways of handling their feelings.

6. GENERAL GOALS FOR THE GROUP Accepting the Permanence of Divorce- The fantasy of a reunited family may persists tenaciously for a child of divorce, even after the parents marry other partners. Reality therapy may help children accept the permanence of divorce. Group counseling with other children in familiar situations also help in the realization of permanence. Achieving Realistic Hope Regarding Relationships- Children often feel rejected, unlovable, and unworthy because they feel guilty over the divorce or because they believe that one or both parents rejected them and cared little about their feelings and welfare.- An important task to teach is that the child needs to realize they can love and be loved even after a divorce. They must learn to be open in relationships while knowing that divorce or loss is possible. Possible Outcomes for Goals- Although many children of divorce do experience increased risks for social, emotional, and academic difficulties, others have significantly adjusted to the disruption and do not display significant signs of distress as a result of the experience. In hopes of having a successful counseling group, Maturity, Improved Self-Esteem, Empathy (concerns of others), and Androgyny (seeing models not confined by stereotypical sex roles) are goals that are highly anticipate to be achieved for each member.

7. Claire Claire is an 8th grade student, who is friendly, out-going, smart and has a witty sense of humor. Claire is an extremely opinionated student and will speak up and advocate for herself and friends in any situation. Claire is a mainstream student with consistent scores for each marking period landing her within Honor Roll throughout her Middle School years. Claire will speak often within group and does not seem shy when it comes to talking about her home-life. Claire will often have conflicting views with Melanie (another student within the group) and will even tell Melanie to stop talking at some points. Claire does not come off as a “bully” or a mean kid, Melanie is just extremely different from the other girls within the group. At times, Claire can make the group dynamic feel a bit uncomfortable because she is so open about speaking her mind and even telling Melanie to be quiet. The other girls in the group will not say anything to Claire because Claire, Alison and Lynn all seem to be best friends with similar personalities. It seems as if the other girls agree with Claire that Melanie is being out of line, but they are not the type of people to say anything to her. I will often allow Claire to say what she needs because it does not seem to emotionally affect Melanie within the group.

8. Claire Continued… Claire’s parents have been divorced for a while now. They split when she was around 5 but she still recalls memories from the divorce. She remembers them sitting her down and telling her and her brothers that “mommy and daddy will no longer be living together or seeing each other because they are not ‘in love’ anymore” (Claire has actually quoted this several times within group). She currently lives with her mom and step-father who she often complains about. She complains that her step-father is lazy, doesn’t like to work unless it involves him doing Art, he tries to parent her too frequently and he makes the same food for dinner all the time (pasta and pork-chops). Claire will log what she has eaten within the week to show her mom and step-father that it is repetitive and she does not enjoy eating these things for dinner. She often feels that her brother is favored in the house even though (she claims) she is a brighter more mature individual then her brother. She feels that her brother gets away with a lot and she will often get blamed for things her brother does. Claire seems at ease with the fact that her parents are divorced but she has continuous issues between her and her step-father. Her mother does not like to get involved and she seems to feel that they can handle the situation themselves (from what Claire has told me). We work on strategies that will help her get along with her step-father, mature ways to handle certain situations and ways for her to express her feelings about situations she dislikes (ex. such as dinner) or times that she feels uncomfortable (ex. when her step-father tells her what to do).

9. Alison (Alison) Alison is an extremely charming, intelligent and open-minded individual. She is a very attractive young lady, which shows in her overall personality and appearance. Alison does not seem to mind opening up about her home life and what she experiences on the regular. Alison participates along with the rest of the group members and often has intelligent insight and/or advice for her classmates. Alison is very mature for her age and she seems to notice about that about herself as well. Sometimes she will even comment that she feels as if she is “growing up too fast” and she actually enjoys being a kid. Alison’s parents were divorced very soon after their marriage a few years back. Alison was born first, the parents then decided to get married but soon after were divorced (not sure of the exact amount of time they were married). Alison has had issues with her mother because her mother had Alison at a young age. Alison claims they have similar personalities and are similar in size. There is often a power struggle between the two which leads to blow-out fights and even avoidance. Alison has admitted that within the past year, her mother decided to go back to school so she is not home often. This has actually made their relationship stronger because they have time to be apart from one another. We work on in group ways to handle these power struggles between her and her mother, ways to cope with stress, understanding the importance of having healthy relationships and keeping a positive outlook on life in general.

10. Lynn Lynn is a very sweet, kind, respectful and easy-going individual. She is very well liked by her classmates and is often seen as the “go-to-girl” when it comes to social situations. It is obvious that Lynn has a lot of independence in her home, which has allowed her to mature quickly from guiding herself through tough times. Lynn will often have friends over her house (including Claire and Alison); she seems to seek out emotional support from her peers. Her parents have been divorced since she was a baby. Her parents live a few blocks away from one another (walking distance) but try their best to Not speak to each other. Lynn lives with her mother but will go to her fathers house on a regular basis. Her mother works a lot, so she is often left at home with her older brother who will be leaving for college next year. Lynn often worries about the finances in the house. She is overly concerned about where the child-support money goes and whether or not her brother will receive enough money when he goes off to college. Lynn will usually stress out if she thinks about money or child support but she will calm down somewhat easily when she talks about her feelings. This seems to be Lynns main concern while in group. She seems to be at ease with accepting her parents divorce. She does not show many concerns other than her worries about situations she does not have control over. During group, we work on stress levels, acceptance of being a child and trying not to worry about the responsibilities of her parents, understanding her role within her house and her individuality, and ways to support her friends as much as they seem to support her.

11. Melanie Melanie is a 7th grade (retained) individual who is classified as Emotionally Disturbed. She struggles academically and socially. She is an extremely dramatic, immature, and attention-seeking individual. Melanie is very vibrant which makes her stand out, yet in a negative fashion (other students tend to make fun of her). She does not have much support at home. Her brother is older and seems to be “favored” by the mother. Resources say that he is a very well-liked and smart individual. Melanie is the complete opposite of her brother which she often feels is unfair because he gets all the attention in the house. Melanie’s parents have been divorced for a few years now. Her father is not allowed to see or come in contact with Melanie because of abusive situations in the past. Melanie’s case is the most extreme out of the four girls. She becomes very upset when she thinks about her home life and especially her father. She claims that she wants to speak with her father because she does not get along with her mother. (On a side note, her mother seems to be a very self-involved individual…Although she seems to care about her children, she does not see the severity in the way Melanie is seeking out attention or even failing school). Melanie seems to be an uneven fit within this group. Her contributions are often off-task, yet the girls are respectful enough most of the time (not always) to let her say what she needs to say without interrupting her. It is obvious that the other girls are aware that Melanie is different from them but seems to accept her for who she is. Melanie obsesses over unrealistic things such as Justin Bieber, finding celebrities online and future events (ex. not receiving a gift for Christmas when Christmas was a week away).

12. Melanie Continued Melanie and I will meet on occasion to talk about things such as academic concerns and social dilemmas. She has a hard time controlling her emotions and handling situations appropriately. She becomes upset very easily and she believes that people are out to get her. The other students will often make fun of Melanie because she comes off as such an easy target. She thinks that she is constantly being bullied and that no one is a true friend too her. She will tell me that she feels alone a lot of the time and that no one understands her. Melanie has her days were she seems very happy but majority of the time she is really depressed. When meeting with Melanie, on a group or individual level, we work on a number of skills together. We work on controlling emotions, positive thinking, social norms, academic strategies, coping abilities, social skills, etc. Melanie is a student I have been working with since the beginning of my internship. There is a lot to work on with her, and her progression of skills will probably be worked on for many years to come. I believe that Melanie has the potential to become a successful and productive individual in the future. With extra support and guidance from people around her, I see her reaching any realistic goal she deems necessary.

13. Reference Henderson, D.A., & Thompson, C.L. (2007). Counseling children (8th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole. Papalia, D.E., Olds, S.W., & Feldman, R.D. (2009). Human Development (11th ed.). Boston: McGraw-Hill. Sayer, L.C. (2006). Economic aspects of divorce and relationship dissolution. In M.A. Fine & J.H. Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution (pp. 385-408). New York; Routledge. Wallerstein, J. (2008). Divorce. In M.M. Haith & J.B. Benson (Eds.), Encyclopedia of infancy and early childhood. Oxford, UK: Elsevier.