4/19/2012

1. Peer Critiques 4/19/2012

2. For Today: • Course Evaluations • Peer Critiques 2.1a and 2.1b • Body Paragraph Revision: Small Group Work

3. Course Evaluations • Remember, if you have anything you need to vent about me, the graders, or the structure of the course overall, THIS is the place to do it. • Your writing review at the end of the semester is NOT the place to vent about the instructor, the grader, or the structure of the course. • Of course, your comments will only be taken seriously if they are presented in a responsible, readable way. Please no profanity. Those get flagged and your comments get discarded. Keep a professional tone. • Course information will be written on the board. • Need a volunteer to proctor and take the evaluations downstairs to 212.

4. Peer Critiques 2.1a and 2.1b • Objective: To demonstrate your ability to critique argumentative essays and articulate your critique to the text’s author Description: After you have read the draft provided, please respond to each of the following prompts as specifically as possible, using detailed examples and select passages from the draft you have read to illustrate your points and validate claims about that draft. Each of your responses should be 100 words in length, for a total of 300 words for each critique.  You will be critique TWO different essays.  1. Identify the writer’s thesis and then evaluate it for effectiveness. Discuss whether the thesis is specific enough and of appropriate scope for this argument. Explain why or why not and provide suggestions for the writer to help improve the thesis, if the thesis is ineffective.   2. How has the writer structured the argument? Explain in detail whether or not the support for the argument is presented in a logical and persuasive way and whether or not the counterarguments are realistic. Discuss any stronger counterarguments that the writer will need to rebut, if any.   3. Examine the use of the source material. Discuss whether the sources are relevant and reliable, as well as whether they are used appropriately and effectively integrated. Explain to the writer how selecting or integrating sources in a different way might improve the argument, providing examples of revised versions of introducing, integrating, and commenting on source materials.

5. Peer Critiques 2.1a and 2.1b • MY ADDITION TO ASSIGNMENT INSTRUTIONS: Q & A Format is not allowed! You must write your Peer Critiques in essay format. • Essay Format • Intro and Summary • Body paragraph(s) • Conclusion • Should speak in second person • You • Use a professional tone! • Be respectful of each others’ efforts. • DO NOT just give praise. 90% of the critique should be constructive criticism and suggestions for improvement.

6. Peer Critiques 2.1a and 2.1b • REMEMBER TO MAKE SPECIFIC, DIRECTIVE COMMENTS IN YOUR PEER CRITIQUE: • Point out exactly what the problem is • Explain to the author why a change is needed • Provide a possible solution to the problem

7. Peer Critiques 2.1a & 2.1b • Pull out your prep assignments and pass them forward. These were mainly just reflections to get you thinking about your peer critiques. • Are there any questions aboutPeer Critiques you want to ask me? If so, now is the time. • Like last time, Iwill be giving you a sample Peer Critique outline on the course blog.

8. Body Paragraphs • We’ll be looking at how strong paragraphs are created. • Here is what readers expect from a paragraph: • The topic sentence will let readers know what a paragraph is about. • A paragraph will make sense as a whole; its words and sentences will be clearly related. • A paragraph will relate to the paragraphs around it.

9. Body Paragraphs Example • I never knew anyone who’d grown up in Jackson without being afraid of Mrs. Calloway, our librarian. She ran the Library absolutely by herself, from the desk where she sat with her back to the books and facing the stairs, her dragon eye on the front door, where who knew what kind of person might come in from the public? SILENCE in big black letters was on signs tacked up everywhere. She herself spoke in her normally commanding voice; every word could be heard all over the Library above a steady seething sound coming from her electric fan; it was the only fan in the Library and stood on her desk, turned directly onto her streaming face. • Does the topic sentence tell you what the paragraph is about? How do all of the other sentences in this body paragraph relate to the topic sentence?

10. Body Paragraph Revision • Get into groups of 2. • Work through each body paragraph from your partner’s essay. Address the following questions: • Is it clear how each body paragraph relates back to the thesis? If not, fix it. • Do the topic sentences in each body paragraph tell you what the rest of that paragraph is about? If not, fix them. • Is each source introduced and integrated properly? If not, fix them. • Work together to figure out how to fix the shortcomings you find in the body paragraphs. • Now, we’ll work through some sentence-level revision. You’ll be doing this on YOUR OWN draft, not your partner’s. But stay in your groups so that you can take advantage of a fresh pair of eyes.

11. Body Paragraph Revision How do we edit for concision? Look for redundant words. If you are unsure about a word, read the sentence without it; if the meaning is not affected, leave the word out. (40a) Replace wordy phrases with a single word. Instead of because of the fact that, try because. (40a) Simplify grammatical structures whenever possible. For example, you might rewrite a sentence to make it more specific or combine two sentences that have the same subject or predicate. (40b) Identify all uses of it is, there is, and there are, and delete any that do not give your writing necessary emphasis. (40b1) 5. Look for sentences that use the passive voice without a good reason. If the active voice would make the sentence livelier, clearer, or more concise, rewrite the sentence. (40c) Now, edit at least one sentence from each of your body paragraphs for concision.

12. Body Paragraph Revision • Check sentence length by counting the words in each sentence. If the difference between the longest and the shortest sentences is fairly small—say, five words or fewer—try revising some sentences to create greater variety. Should two or more short sentences be combined because they deal with closely related ideas? Should a long sentence be split up because it contains too many important ideas? (42a) • Look at sentence openings. If most sentences start with a subject, try recasting some to begin with a transition, a phrase, or a dependent clause. (42b) • Vary types of sentences to make your writing more interesting. Do you use simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences—or does one type predominate? Would a particular declarative sentence be more effective as a command or question or exclamation? Could you use a periodic or cumulative sentence for special effect? Now, find at least one sentence in every body paragraph to edit for sentence variety. How do we edit for sentence variety?

13. Body Paragraph Revision • Identify the words you want to emphasize. If you’ve buried those words in the middle of a sentence, edit the sentence to change their position. The end and the beginning are generally the most emphatic. (43a1) • Note any sentences that include a series of words, phrases, or clauses. Arrange the items in the series in climactic order, with the most important item last. (43a2) • Underline all verbs, and look to see whether you rely too much on be, do, and have. If so, try to substitute more specific verbs. (43b) Now, edit at least one sentence in every body paragraph for memorable prose. How do we edit for memorable prose?

14. For Next Week: • Peer Critiques 2.1a AND 2.1b (these are two different drafts) are due by 11:59pm on Tuesday, April 24thin Raider Writer!!! • Do Reading 14—on the syllabus • Bring in a copy of your most up-to-date researched argument draft to next class. • Do Writing Review Prep Assignment