Love and Loving Relationships Special Topic: Interpersonal Attraction

1. 4 Love and Loving Relationships Special Topic: Interpersonal Attraction

2. The focus of Chapter 4 is love, but let’s begin with “interpersonal attraction,”which is the attraction between people leading to friendship and romantic relationships

3. We all want to be liked. People report that having friends, family, and intimate relationships is at or near the top of the list of what makes them happy.

4. Ingredients for Initial Attraction What factors are associated with interpersonal attraction? • propinquity • physical attractiveness • similarity • reciprocal liking

5. Ingredients for Initial Attraction (cont.) • Propinquity: Physical proximity (nearness) • We are most likely to meet people in our immediate vicinity. • We are more likely to be attracted to people that we see most often (e.g., live nearby, work together, attend the same schools or churches). • The more exposure we have to something (or someone), the more apt we are to like it (or them).

6. Ingredients for Initial Attraction (cont.) 2. Physical Attractiveness: Both sexes value attraction, although men value it somewhat more than women. • The media bombard us with a narrow definition of beauty, so we develop shared standards, e.g., large eyes, easy smile, straight white teeth, blonde hair. • Men in the U.S. prefer “neotenous” characteristics in females, e.g., baby-like features such as big eyes, round mouth, full lips.

7. Ingredients for Initial Attraction (cont.) People assume that physical attractiveness is correlated with desirable traits (e.g., what is beautiful must be good).

8. Ingredients for Initial Attraction (cont.) • Among Children: • Attractive children are better liked by teachers and peers. • Attractive children are dealt with less harshly if they commit a transgression. • Teachers are more supportive and give them more opportunities. • In Job Applications: • Attractive adults are more likely to be hired even when appearance is completely irrelevant to the job. • In the Courtroom: • Attractive adults are less likely to be found guilty of a crime.

9. Why Do We Associate Beautywith Desirable Traits? Possible Explanations: • Learning:We are taught that beautiful is good. • Halo Effect: We are drawn to the positive characteristics associated with attractiveness. • Kernel of Truth:Attractive people have better mental health and self-esteem and are more confident and assertive. • Reward by Association:If we are with a physically attractive person, we will be rewarded too. • Evolution: We want to maximize reproductive success and successful rearing of children.

10. Ingredients for Initial Attraction (cont.) 3. Similarity: We tend to be attracted to those who are similar to ourselves in terms of attitudes, values, backgrounds, and socio-demographic characteristics (e.g., “birds of a feather flock together”). • Similarity is important in initial attraction, while complementarity gains importance as the relationship develops. • People with low self-esteem are more likely to desire a complementary relationship than high self-esteem people.

11. Why Do We Like Similarity? • We anticipate that similar people are more apt to like us. 2. Similarities validate our own self-worth; self confirmation. 3. We draw inferences about a person’s character based on perceived similarity.

12. Ingredients for Initial Attraction (cont.) • Reciprocal Liking: We like people who like us. • We strive to be a more likeable person, which encourages them to like us more, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy. • The relationship is rewarding.

13. Theories of Interpersonal Attraction Social Exchange Theory One’s feelings about a relationship depend on: • the perceptions of the costs and rewards of the relationship. • the kind of relationship one believes one deserves. • one’s chances of having a better alternative.

14. Theories of Interpersonal Attraction Equity Theory People are happiest with relationships in which the rewards and costs, and the contributions made to the relationship, are roughly equal between the partners.

15. Conclusion • Think of your relationship with your best friend. How do the ingredients of interpersonal attractioncome into play? • Now think of your relationship with a romantic partner. Do these ingredients differ? If so, in what way? • How do views of physical attractiveness differ cross-culturally? How have they differed over time within your own culture? Give specific examples.

16. References Aronson, E., Wilson, T.D., Akert, R.M. 2010 Social Psychology. 7th Ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ, Pearson. Aronson, E., Wilson, T.D., Akert, R.M. 2005 Social Psychology. 5th Ed. PowerPoints. Online: http://wps.prenhall.com/hss_aronson_socpsych_5/18/4781/1224084.cw/index.html Bersheid, E. and Reis, H. 2009 “Attraction and Close Relationships” in The Handbook of Social Psychology, Vol. 2, 4th Ed. Edited by Gilbert, Fiske and Lindzey. Oxford University Press. Williams, K. 2006. “Interpersonal Attraction” PowerPoints. Online: http://www1.psych.purdue.edu/~willia55/240-'06/Lecture13-F.pdf