Conflict Management

1. Conflict Management Dr. Monika Renard Associate Professor, Management College of Business

2. Improve Communication • Remove road-blocks to communication Improve listening skills Understand and use non-verbal language Improve speaking skills

3. Remove Roadblocks • Non-verbal behavior • Ordering • Threatening • Preaching • Lecturing • Providing answers • Judging • Excusing • Diagnosing • Prying

4. Roadblocks to Communication (from Be…) • Judgments • Are opinions, not truth. Are generalizations, not specifics. • You should: Rather than justify actions, try to gather information • Don’t use judgment word, instead use specific description. • Praise—roadblock or motivator? • Be specific rather than general • “Thank you for”…”I appreciate you for…” “I value what you did because…” “I respect that you…” • We love to give solutions—people resist them • Unrequested solutions given in an unequal way are resisted • Giving solutions implies we are smarter, gives info they already know • Never give info until you discover how much the other knows about the subject. • People who give solutions: desire to help, are self-critical and attempting to ensure their own effectiveness.

5. Improve Listening Skills • Listen to Understand (Active Listening) • Encourage visibly and audibly • Clarify meaning, intent, criteria • Restate, use some of their own words • Summarize what you’ve heard; confirm if you got it right • Validate: identify positive intent, highly-valued criteria Aspects of a Good Listener: Accessible Interested Attentive Encourages expression Doesn’t interrupt Suspends judgment Values different views Shows empathy and understanding Doesn’t talk too much

6. Active Listening – 5 Levels • Basic acknowledgment • Body language, nods, etc. • Silence • They will add additional information • Questions • To understand them, not to add your ideas, info. • Paraphrasing • Other finishes speaking, restate. If confirmed, continue; if misunderstood, ask for repetition. • Reflective listening • Responding to the speaker’s emotion.

7. 5. Responsible Listening: Core Competency of a Leader (from Be…) • Accept 100% responsibility for listening • No matter how poorly they communicate • “Listen to almost anything without losing our temper or our self-confidence” • When need accurate info, to maintain or build a trusting relationship, need to reduce the emotions of the other person. • Make conversation specific • Valid vs. Invalid statements • Acknowledgement statement, ask a question

8. Confirming Your Understanding • Use a confirming statement • Let me confirm... Let me make sure I understand your request... So you want… I’d just like to confirm… • Summarize key facts • You want to compare benefits for hospital stays. Your shipment never arrived. • Ask if your understanding is correct • Did I get that right? Is that correct? Did I understand you correctly? Right? • Clarify misunderstandings (if necessary)

9. Listening to Stated Emotions (from Be…) • Turn emotional conversations into rational ones • Everyone hears different emotions • Stated vs unstated emotions • Example for Stated Emotions • Statement: “I’m disappointed with the way you treated me in the meeting” • Response: “I don’t want to disappoint you. What did I do so I won’t do it again?” • Rationalize, then specify • Listen first for emotional words. If yes, feed back that you heard it. • If not, miss the point of the message, prove you weren’t listening • If no emotional words, listen for generalities. If yes, make the person become specific before responding.

10. 6. Responsible Listening: Rationalize Unstated Emotions (from Be…) • Two steps • Reflect back your best guess of what emotion was sent • The reflect back the confirmed emotion • Depersonalize attacks and defenses • Specifying, rationalizing, depersonalizing • Practice action steps • Action plan • Rating your ability to use fundamentals

11. Handling Other People’s Anger (from Be…) • 1. Allow the person to release the emotion. • “I can see you’re upset” “I can understand why you’re angry.” • 2. Deal with the content • Explore reasons for the feeling. • Negative Inquiry, negative assertion.

12. Remaining Rational in the Face of Strong Feelings • Acknowledge their feelings • They may be feeling a certain way • Step aside; let their emotions hit the problem • Let them vent, get it all out. • Step above the fray • Withdraw, reasons, commitment to return. • Separate the causes of their feelings from the substantive problem, and deal with them in parallel. • Discover what caused the feelings, take steps • Be purposive • Ask if the discussion serves the agreed-upon purpose of meeting.

13. Receiving Criticism (from Be…) • 1. Is the criticism accurate? • Negative assertion: “You’re probably right. I can understand why you might feel that way even though that isn’t my intent.” • 2. Is the criticism questionable? • Negative inquiry: “Is there something wrong with my work?”… Negative assertion…”I appreciate your feedback. I’ll try to be more aware of my time and careful about my work. Please let me know if you see an improvement.”

14. Acknowledge feelings I can appreciate what you’re saying I can see how you’d be upset I would be upset too I can hear that you’re annoyed I understand your concern Apologize for an error I apologize for the error I’m sorry We’re sorry for the mix-up We were wrong Acknowledging Feelings Means Not Always Having to Say “Sorry”