Parent Communication: Working with Difficult People

1. Parent Communication:Working withDifficult People Erica M. Duckworth, M.Ed. BIG THICKET COOPERATIVE

2. Words to Live By “I want to be a part of the solution and not the problem.” ~ Mrs. Barbara Greer

3. Parents/Guardians ARE NOT A ONE SIZE FITS ALL GROUP

4. Getting to Know You • Why assess the student’s household? • Primary source of motivation for the student • Students spend 70% of waking hours outside of the school • Some parents/guardians do not have the resources to provide the supports our students’ needs • The most consistent predictor of children’s academic achievement is the parent’s expectations of the child’s academic performance and satisfaction with educational environment www.michigan.gov/documetns/Final_Parent_Involvement_Fact _Sheet?14732_7.pdf,2004

5. Parent Sub-groupsAs Identified by Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D.

6. Tips for Communication

7. Continued

8. Look Familiar?

10. The Big 3

11. Which one is this? Bubba's Parent Teacher Conference part 1 0:00 – 3:45

12. Overprotective Parent Prospective • Ownership of child; seen as a possession • Success is proof of good parenting • Fear of loss: death, affection, loyalty • The child cannot function without them • Emotional need of parent: loneliness, co-dependence, addiction Payne, R. Under-resourced learners: 8 strategies to boost student achievement.

13. Conference Strategies • Listen for clarity • Acknowledge care/concern • Summarize and/or paraphrase • Ask questions for clarity • Plan of action if necessary • Discuss roles & boundaries • Follow up

14. Let’ Practice With a partner summarize/paraphrase 1 of the following: Your summer vacation Your most embarrassing moment The best/worst present you have received Now switch

15. Roles/Boundaries Correct inappropriate behavior “Anticipate a problem” ~ Mr. Bean Describe students behavior at school If child is well adjusted socially, emotionally, academically assure them of this fact Establish communication system if necessary Fade communication system to that of typical student What are your boundaries? Prepared statements: “I need time to think about this and get back with you.” “I understand that you are concerned about ____, right now let’s focus on ____” “Let me check with my administrator and get back with you”

16. Clarity Questions • The Miracle Question • “If you were to wake up tomorrow and everything was better, how would ’s school day look?” • What is the best/worst thing that could happen if… • I’m wondering, what will happen if this issue isn’t resolved… • Evidence indicating concern • I’m wondering if there is a time when you think s/he will be able to… • Will this request help ____ be more successful at school?

17. Conference Clip 3rdRock

18. Highly Resourced/Educated Parent Perspective • It’s NOT okay to be NOT be okay (or better) • Respect comes with experience and expertise • Time is money • Most concerns/rules can be negotiated • Social, academic and eventual financial success of their child is important – how is the school going to help the child achieve success?

19. Conference Strategies • Do not discuss what you DO NOT know • Do not use sarcasm • Review current literature on topics to be discussed • Ask questions for clarity • Be direct and concise • Establish boundaries • Establish support if needed

20. The Art of Clarity Non-defensive approach to asking questions Dissolving assumptions – ask about pieces of assumptions Contradictions in what is said and done Value, emotion, reasoning behavior Determining content versus process: Who, what, when, where, WHY How NOT to ask why – Why didn’t you do that?, Why do you always? Why did you…? How to ask why – I’m wondering why do you think you chose to?, I’m curious as to what made you angry?, I was just asking myself why you would want her moved to another class?

21. Let’s practice With your partner turn the following ?s into Y ? 1 Why did you not call me to discuss ___’s behavior? Why did you go to the superintendent without trying to work this out with me first? Why did are you looking in my classroom windows during the day? 2 Why did you walk down to my classroom without checking with the office? Why are you yelling at me? Why are you so worried about him/her during the day?

22. Conference Clip • darlene&behavior 0:00-2:30

23. Under-resourcedParent Perspective • Often personal academic experience was negative. • Generational opinion on education and educators • Anger can be demonstrated through power • Usually has a circular pattern of discourse

25. Glass ½ Full

26. Conference Strategies • Reframe the school environment • Offer respect – eye contact, smile, handshake, address them with Mr. or Mrs., offer coffee • Tell a story to make you more approachable, use humor • Deliver bad news in the form of a story • Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” • Pick your battles • Consider resources when planning • Do not allow inappropriate behavior

27. Reframing Medline Plus defines Cognitive Reframing as follows: changing the conceptual and/or emotional viewpoint in relation to which a situation is experienced and placing it in a different frame that fits the "facts" of a concrete situation equally well, thereby changing its entire meaning.

28. Types of Reframing • Content reframing involves taking the exact same situations and changing what it means. • You might say a student never stops talking. He never shuts up! After content reframe, you might say that he certainly must be a very intelligent young man to have so much to say. • Context reframing involves taking an experience that seems to be bad, upsetting, or undesirable and showing how the same behavior or experience is actually a great advantage in another context. • Oil was once considered something that destroyed the value of land for crop; quite a contrast from the nickname black gold.

29. LET’S PRACTICE

30. Turning Lemons Into Lemonade With your partner reframe the following: Content: Take a “high needs” student that you have had in the past and make a GENUINE reframing statement about his character Context: tell about you’re a bad experience that turned out to be beneficial

31. Emotional/Angry Parents • Bubba_Part2 2:00-3:25

32. Defining theProblem/Interest • What is the need? (not solution) • Turn complaints into goals. • State the problem as a question – this invites parents to become part of the solution • “How do we ____ while at the same time….” • “Let’s think, how can we___AND___...”

33. Questioning Tips AVOID UTILIZE

34. Consensus IS AIN’T IS NOT Unanimous Abandonment Majority Forceful • Inclusive • Shared control • Flexible • Commitment • Accountable

35. Reaching a Consensus

36. Guideline for Discussion

37. Steps 1-3: Consensus

38. Steps 4-6: Consensus

39. Gradients of Agreement

40. Impasse Reasons Strategies Additional information/resources Ask questions Solicit everyone’s ideas/opinions Acknowledge emotions Apologize if necessary Break the issue into smaller issues Acknowledge progress of group thus far Reflect Recommend trial period Ask reality questions Take a break; set later date • Trying to “save face” • No buy-in • Emotional – throwing in the towel • Mistrust • Fears • Misunderstanding • Lack of information • Holding out for better

41. Summary of Tools

42. Reflection • Did the parent leave feeling… • They were treated with respect? • Their interests were acknowledged? • Their perspectives were considered? • They contributed to their child’s education? Lowry & Meyers, Conflict Management and Counseling

43. Resources Christopher, C. (1996). Building parent teacher communication: An educator’s guide. Lancaster, PA: Technomic Publishing Company, Inc. McCarney, S. B. & Wunderlich, K.C. (2006). Pre-referral intervention manual (3rd ed.). S.N. House (Ed.) Columbia, MO: Hawthorne. Otey, L. & McDaniel, L. (2008). Facilitating IEPs: Leader’s Guide. [Handout]. Austin, TX: Region 8 Service Center. Payne, R.K. (2008). Under-resourced learners: 8 strategies to boost student achievement. Highlands, TX: Aha! Process Inc. Payne, R.K. (2006). Working with parents: Building relationships for student success. Highlands, TX: Aha! Process Inc. Sprick, R., & Garrison, M. (2008). Interventions: Evidence-based behavioral strategies for individual students (2nd ed). Eugene, OR: Pacific Northwest Publishing.