Working with Difficult People

1. Working with Difficult People

2. Let’s Know…… • Why people are difficult • Types of difficult behavior • Coping skills and techniques to help you communicate

3. Why Are People Difficult? • People feel • Rushed — not enough time • Insecure • Angry • And have some need or interest • Stressed!!!

4. Scenario 1

5. A Difficult Person Can Be ... • Hostile-Aggressive • Know-It-All • Yes-Person • Whiner • Never-Say-A-Word • Indecisive Staller • No-Person

6. Hostile AggressiveAKA “The Tank” • Bullies their way toward the results they want. • Belittles you in front of anyone. • Tries to convince you that you are doing a poor job when you are doing fine.

7. The Know-It-All • Controls people and events by dominating conversation with lengthy, imperious arguments. • Tries to find flaws in everything.

8. The Yes-Person • Answers “Yes” to every request without thinking about what is being promised . • Has deep-seated anxiety and a lot of resentment. • Seeks approval and avoids disapproval. • And even if all the promises can be kept, the Yes-Person no longer has a life!

9. The No-Person • Able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable • Deadly to morale

10. The Whiner • Avoids taking responsibility. • Wants sympathy. • Has negative view of the world. • It’s important for these people to get their opinions across. If you ignore them, they increase their protests.

11. The Never-Say-A-WordAKA “The Clam” • Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain. • Wants to avoid conflict or hurting anyone. • Often feels angry because “the wrong decision” was made. • Some can’t relate authentically or speak honestly.

12. The Indecisive Staller • Could be an overwhelmed “Yes-Person.” • Could be a procrastinator. • Has reservations about the project. • Doesn’t organize or prioritize work.

13. Difficult Person :Coping Plan 1.Assess the “Situation” 2. Stop wishing they were “different”! 3. Get distance between you and the difficult behavior 4. Formulate a plan for interrupting the interaction 5. Implement strategy 6. Monitor coping process 7. Modify or abandon plan, if necessary

14. Dealing with “The Tank” • If possible, get them to sit down. • Don’t back down. Let them vent. Don’t take it personally. Step away from the emotion. • Identify their issue–the facts of the matter. • Explain benefits of your point of view. Express your side in factual terms. • Allow aggressor to “save face.”

15. Dealing with the Know-It-All • Know your facts. Be prepared. • Listen carefully and paraphrase the main points. • Use questions to raise issues. • If necessary, subordinate yourself to avoid static and commit yourself to building a more equal relationship in the future.

16. Dealing with the Yes-Person • Work to get to the underlying issues. • Tell how much you value them as people. • Give them permission to say “No.” • Ask them to tell about any aspect of your product that is not as good as the best. • Listen to their humor -- hidden messages?

17. Dealing with the No-Person • Work to get to the underlying issues. • Find out the reason for disagreement • Show the other side • Show the benefits

18. Dealing with the Whiner • Don’t respond if they are blaming you. Don’t sympathize if they are at fault. • Make a list of all complaints from constant complainers before you discuss problem. • Make sure the facts are correct. • Make the Whiner propose solutions to fix the problem.

19. Dealing with “The Clam” • Try to draw them out about topics that are non-threatening. • Ask open-ended questions. • Wait for a response -- calmly. (Don’t fill the silence with your chatter.) • If you get no response, comment on what’s happening. End your comment with an open-ended question.

20. Dealing with the Staller • Help document their goals and deadlines • Listen for indirect words, hesitations. • Ask them how you can help them achieve their goals. • Follow up on intermediate deadlines. Hold them to the deadlines. • Make it easy for them to tell you what is preventing their action.

21. Scenario 2

22. And What About You...

23. It’s All About ATTITUDE! • You are not going to change THEM. • You will have to work with THEM. • You are the one who can make the change. • Make it happen! • Be Positive

24. Principles of Human Behavior • All people are motivated . • You cannot motivate others ; you can provide the environment, skills, etc. • People do things for their reasons, not ours. • We are all different...Relationships should complement and complete each other.

25. Communication Is The Key... • Be clear about what is to be done. • Be clear about who is to do it. • Two parts to the message • Speaker has an image • Listener has an image • Are they the same?

26. Offline Coping Techniques • Don’t take their behavior or words personally. • Write down details of what annoys you. • Think about why it annoys you. • Which of your buttons does this person push? Why do you respond to them in the way you do?

27. Offline Coping Techniques (continued) • How would you like to respond? List the advantages of different responses. • Monitor yourself. • Give yourself positive feedback when you succeed in not getting caught up in the emotions of difficult people. • Be a happier person by handling all those you encounter with charm and grace.

28. Some Final Tips • Give support where needed. • Be an information broker. • Learn to keep it light. • Don’t forget to smile.