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SPACE

SPACE. An Introduction to Therapeutic Parenting. Therapeutic Parenting. What is it? Why should I do it? How do I do it? Why can’t I do it like Christine Moers?. What is therapeutic parenting.

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SPACE

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  1. SPACE An Introduction to Therapeutic Parenting

  2. Therapeutic Parenting • What is it? • Why should I do it? • How do I do it? • Why can’t I do it like Christine Moers?

  3. What is therapeutic parenting • Consciously using as many interactions with your child as you can to create healing opportunities to • Establish a sense of safety • Regulate the expression of emotion • Reestablish attachment • Enhance the brain’s executive functions • Reframe and integrate traumatic experiences

  4. In the Earliest Moments Connection Eyes, Face, Voice, Touch, & Movement Break – Baby Cries Repair Adapted from Levy & Orlans, 1998

  5. In the Earliest Moments Connection Baby learns to sooth and manage self Break- Baby Cries Baby loses trust Parent does not respond, or responds inconsistently Parent withdraws or responds with anger Baby cries LOUDER

  6. An Active Disorder Through age three, a child experienced neglect and/or abuse. The child changed primary caregiver(s) at least once. The child struggles with relationships. Negative Thinking Bad, unlovable, unsafe, lacking trust Lashing Out Anger to prove how unlovable, expecting rejection Adult Responds Shame Confirmed

  7. Typical Response to Trauma Natural Chemical Baseline

  8. Response to Ongoing Trauma Natural Chemical Baseline

  9. SPACE – Therapeutic Parenting

  10. Safety • Safety is the foundation for healing Trauma • Perceived Safety – perceived threats • Attachment Security • a physical and psychological safety • created through closeness with a parent who • is available, sensitive, and responsive to the child’s self-expressions, and • repairs any relationship breaks that might threaten the felt sense of safety.” – Adapted from Dan Hughes

  11. Supervision • Physical Proximity • Protective boundaries • Opportunities to widen • Resisting impulse to tighten • Technology • Knowing your kid

  12. Structure • “Structure is not about control, but rather about conveying a comforting sense that someone bigger and more capable can make the world safe and predictable.” – Booth & Jernberg, Theraplay®

  13. Structure • Structure means love!!! • Discipline • Oriented to the future • Teaching desired behavior • Predictability and Routines • Flexibility and Spontaneity • Repairing • Oriented to the past • Not the same as punishment • Consequence for undesired behavior • Time-in or Time-out? • “Free time” can mean stress time!!

  14. Support • You • With list-servs, groups, conferences • EMDR? • Your marriage • Can’t put it on hold, must put energy in • Meeting of the minds • Your child • At school, after-school programs, camp, etc.s!

  15. PACE Playful Accepting Curious Empathic Dr. Daniel Hughes

  16. Everyone needs to have fun • Not: sarcastic or at their expense • Helpful as transition out of intense time • Useful to decrease power struggles Playful

  17. Not the behaviors, but the emotional content underneath the behaviors • Start with accepting then move to natural and logical consequences for actions • Developmental Age • Time/Duration • Accepting their actual abilities, not wished-for • Accepting their developmental age instead of chronological Accepting

  18. A deep, passionate curiosity • “A nonjudgmental curiosity about a child’s thoughts, feelings and intentions is likely to facilitate the child’s interest in his own inner life…” – Daniel Hughes, Attachment-focused Parenting • An emphasis on the experience rather than on the events Curious

  19. Imagine being a creature from outer space and landing on earth Curious

  20. Core concepts • When at their worst, our kids are doing the best they can to express themselves • Our job is to help them express the full meaning of their behavior • In other words, we help them develop the skills to reflect on their own experiences • Communicate with, for or about Curious

  21. Good Questions • What was it like for you when…? • What does it mean that you/she/he …? • How do you manage…? • How does it feel talking with me about…? • How did you handle that? • How else could you have handled that? Curious Adapted from Daniel Hughes, Attachment-focused Family Therapy

  22. Under the Behavior • Sense that only self can/will meet own needs • Not feeling safe • Frequent sense of shame • Sense of hopelessness and helplessness • Fear of being vulnerable/dependent • Fear of rejection • Fear of abandonment Curious

  23. The basic formula: “It seems to me you’re feeling _______ because ______.” • 70% or more of communication is non-verbal (face, tone & body posture) • Matching the energy of their affect (not emotions) • Tone of voice, facial expressions • Imitation is primary mode of toddler learning • Billboard messages Hard to do when you have intense, negative feelings about your kid… so get some empathy for your SELF! Empathic

  24. Finding Balance

  25. Parents as the “Magic Pill” • We believe: • You’ve been doing the best you can • You’ve given it everything you’ve got • Only YOU can be the Magic Pill that brings healing to your kid

  26. Becoming the “Magic Pill” • Explore and make sense of your own attachment history • “Physician heal thy self.” • Kids are experts at finding your Achilles Heal(s) and using them to resist connecting

  27. Why can’t I do it like Christine?

  28. Why can’t I do it like Christine? • We don't think we're capable of being playful • We forget no two people interact with a baby or toddler the exact same way • That is YOUR unique way of being playful • And that's spectacular • We aren't nice to ourselves.  • We feel guilt and either throw in the towel or beat ourselves up  • We don't take our own advice • We don't say to ourselves what we would say to others: • "This is hard"  • "So, you messed up.  Reconnect and repair. ”

  29. Why can’t I do it like Christine? • It takes time • It takes practice • And you have to mess up - A LOT • We get stuck in our own experiences • If we can see the inevitable presence in us of our own wounds, we can turn those wounds into tools for healing by developing our capacity to recognize them as barriers to, and potentials for healing our children Adapted from Adrienne Harris

  30. Learn More: www.WelcomeToMyBrain.net www.HouseCallsCounseling.com

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