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Do you agree?

Do you agree?. Stand up if you agree!. There exists ”The One” right person to be found and loved . R elationship is maintained if there exists balance between costs and rewards for both . The relationship can best be maintained if the most diffucult topics are not discussed .

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Do you agree?

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  1. Do you agree? Stand up if you agree!

  2. Thereexists ”The One” right person to befound and loved.

  3. Relationship is maintainedifthereexistsbalancebetweencosts and rewards for both.

  4. The relationshipcanbestbemaintainedif the mostdiffuculttopicsarenotdiscussed.

  5. A happy couple never arques!

  6. If the partner is unfaithful the breakdown of the relationship is inevitable.

  7. Every couple faces a crisis sooner or later.

  8. It is possible to lovethe same person for the rest of your life.

  9. The maintenance of relationships

  10. Economic theories • Thibaut & Kelley (1959) Social exchange theory: The relationship is maintained if both partners feel the benefits outweigh the costs • Comparison of a relationship with • Expectations • Alternatives  A relationship is a dynamic, continuous process

  11. Walster et al. (1978): Equity theory • Modification of social exchange theory • Focuses on what people see as fair (equitable) in a relationship  People are happiest in relationships where benefits and costs are balanced so that both contribute and receive more or less the same

  12. Discuss the economictheories. Doyouagreewiththem?

  13. Discuss: Could/Should a loverelationshipbe a communalrelationship?

  14. Communal and exchangerelationships • Mills & Clark (1982): Communal relationships: • More altruistic • More concerned with the needs of the other person • Study comparing communal and exchange relationships: Clark 1984 (AL p.221)

  15. Strategies in maintaining a relationship • Study by Dindia and Baxter (1987) (AL p.221) • Ayres (1983): Different strategies (AL p.222) • Rusbult et a. (1991): Patterns of accommodation: processes of repsonding to a partner’s negative behaviour • Constructive • Destructive (see AL p.223)

  16. Dramasrelated to reactions to problems in a relationship Problems: • The couplecan’thave a child. • The couple is in a badfinancialsituationbecause of the investmentsone of themhas made. • One of themhasfallen in lovewithsomebodyelse. • One of themtravels a lotbecause of the work. The otherpart is exhaustedbecause of takingcare of the workload at home alone.

  17. Factors affecting which accommodation one chooses: • Idealization • Feeling of commitment • Attachment style (see AL p.200-201!)

  18. Flora & Segrin (2993): Gender difference in factors affecting well-being in the relationship: • Men: common interests, desire to be together, partners negative feelings • Women: own negative feelings with the partner

  19. Which of these alternatives describes you best? A. I am somewhatuncomfortablebeingclose to others; I finditdifficult to trustthemcompletely, difficult to allowmyself to depend on them. I am nervouswhenanyonegetstooclose, and often, otherswant me to bemoreintimatethan I feelcomfortablebeing. B. I finditrelativelyeasy to getclose to others and am comfortabledepending on them and havingthemdepend on me. I don’tworryaboutbeingabandonedoraboutsomeonegettingtooclose to me. C. I findthatothersarereluctant to get as close as I wouldlike. I oftenworrythat my partnerdoesn’treallylove me orwon’tstaywith me. I want to getveryclose to my partner and thissometimesscarespeopleaway.

  20. The quiz is related to Hazan and Shaver’sstudy (1987) Work with a pair: • Provide a brief description of the aim, procedure, and findings of Hazan and Shaver’s (1987) research.  make short notes

  21. Consider how methodological and cultural considerations could affect the interpretation of the results. • Would it be possible to conduct a study like this cross-culturally? What considerations would have to be taken into account before embarking on such research?

  22. Effects of culture on relationships • Research: • Yelsma and Athappilly (1990): Indian people in arrangedmarriagesweremoresatisfiedthanthoseIndians and Americanswhohadlovebasedmarriages why? • Simmons et al. (1986): Romanticlovemorevalued in USA and Germanythan in Japan.  Why?

  23. Culturalnormsaffect the formation and maintenance of relationships • Passionate and romanticlove is morevalued in western societies • Traditional, morecollectivisticculturesseemarriagemore as a union and alliancebetweenfamilies aim of marriage is to getchildren and geteconomic and social support

  24. One of the largestscross-culturalstudies on relationshipsbyBuss (1994): • 2 questionnaires • Over 10 000 respondents, from 37 cultures • Universal preferences: women: financialprospects, oldermates, men: youngermates  Why? • Differences: see CC p.279  explain!

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